Etiquette
bookmaiden17_
member
60th Birthday party at a restaurant




in Etiquette
I know this is not wedding related but I need some feed back and thought of everyone on here. There is some talk in my family about the etiquette of inviting family and friends to help celebrate a 60th birthday at a restaurant and who pays for their food. This is not a formal event just a gathering of family and friends. We are looking at gathering at a local restaurant and having everyone be in the restaurant side room off of the main dining room so everyone could sit together. When we reach out to invite people we would be saying come out and help celebrate this persons birthday at such restaurant at this time. The people invited would order off of the restaurant menu at the table they are sitting at. Some believe that it is tacky and rude to not pay for everyones dinner in this case. Some believe that if it was just family it would be fine for everyone to pay for themselves but when you ask friends to come out to dinner you have to pay for their food. What do people think? Have you ever been invited to have dinner at a restaurant to celebrate a birthday and expected the person inviting you to pay for your meal?
Re: 60th Birthday party at a restaurant
There's also the practical aspect. Most restaurants won't allow (and aren't equipped for) 10+ separate tabs for a party. If you're 10 people total, it's NBD to have everyone pay their own way. But if you're talking about 20+ people, breaking checks is a logistical nightmare.
edited for spelling
If this is your parent or sibling and you invite me to her 60th birthday party, then yes, I'm going to assume you're hosting. I will bring a gift for the birthday girl. If I'm the birthday girl, I'd be really embarrassed when the 'guests' start passing the bill to divy up. Can't you just buy a birthday cake or pizza and invite the close family members?
If I’m going out with a few friends for someone’s birthday we’ll split the bill among ourselves. If I showed up for a 60th birthday in the private room of a restaurant with many other guests I’d personally expect to be hosted.
We did this for my mom and it was clear that my dad was picking up the tab. I think adults will not expect to open their wallets.
I understand restaurant dinners are expensive. Could you do an afternoon tea with cake? Or BBQ at someone's house? Those tend to be cheaper.
I think that because this is a milestone birthday party and your relatives are expecting to be "hosted," then that's what you need to do and not expect everyone to pay for themselves. If necessary, do it somewhere other than at a restaurant.
If it were one of my parents my sister and I would split the hosting responsibilities (and thus the check) even if one of us did the invites.
If I’m invited to a sit down meal for a party I’m expecting that it’s hosted, even if the invitation is a verbal invite. If it’s a “we’re all grabbing dinner together” then I expect to pay.
It sounds like another type of birthday party would be a better fit if the people wanting to throw this party can't afford it. Maybe they can host pizza and soft drinks at their church, or rent space at a bar for after-dinner hosted drinks/apps, or have a buffet dinner at their house. There are lots of options.