Questions for MOG

Re: Questions for MOG

• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2018 edited March 2018

  Gifts are not a subpoena even if you are the parents of the Groom... 
  
  IMO your gift of the cost of the wedding is an amazing gift unto itself.  That said, it's totally up to you, IMO if I was to give a suggestion - something that's sentimental or going to be in their married life from the two of you or something nice yet long-term functional that they registered for, or potentially an upgrade to something they registered for (you know, the thing that they registered for a nice one, but not the one they REALLY wanted yet is within your budget).  
  
  I think for my shower my Parents got me a wedding album (similar to a baby book) and photo album, for the wedding our silverware set...  DH's parents got us our comforter set for the shower and for the wedding a gas grill we registered for.  The real answer though - is what you feel comfortable in giving that isn't going to break your budget.  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  March 2018

  I agree with @MesmrEwe do what makes you comfortable. When my son recently was married they didn't have a shower. Had they had one, I would have given a gift (I don't worry about who gives what) off of the registry. When my daughter was married I gave her a shower gift off her registry and something that was my mother's (my mom is deceased). H and I gave DD and SIL a wedding gift of a piece of furniture. We will do the same for DS1 and DIL once they move into a more permanent home. We have talked to them about that, and that is what they wanted to do rather than us buy them something now. We paid for DD's wedding. We offered to help pay for DS1's wedding but were declined.  As far as giving the bride a separate gift, I don't think that is necessary. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2018

  Definitely do whatever makes you comfortable; don't worry about what her parents are (or are not) doing. For our wedding (large, formal wedding in the northeast for reference) my parents paid for the wedding and my husband's parents hosted the rehearsal dinner, and they paid for the bar tab at the wedding. My MIL gave me a gift at the shower, and they gave us a wedding gift as well. My in-laws are (in general) very generous and the gifts reflected that. They didn't give me, or my husband, any separate or individual gifts. 
  
  Hope that helps. Definitely just do whatever you feel comfortable with. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2018

  Should you give an engagement gift? 
  If you want to. But, like you said, that ship has sailed. You didn't do anything wrong by NOT giving one. Let this go.
  
  Should you bring a gift to the shower?
  Yes. Showers are for gifts. In my circle, gifts from the parents of the couple are always the largest - it's their kids getting married after all. The MOB's approach to "see what they need" afterwards is fine. You won't insult her or "outdo" her by taking a different approach. But if they have a registry, it's safe to assume anything on that list is stuff they want/need. This is a personal opinion but stay away from china - it's an old school tradition. Our generation sometimes registers for it, but rarely uses it and it ends up sitting in a cabinet for months/years without being used. 
  
  Should you give a wedding gift?
  That depends. Is paying for the wedding their gift? If so, then that IS the gift. Just make sure you communicate that to them. If paying for the wedding was not intended to be the gift, but rather something you decided to do for them outside of a wedding gift, then yes you should give a gift. 
  
  Should you give the bride a gift before the wedding?
  My ILs did not do this and I never thought twice about it. I'm going with "no" here. I would have been really touched if my ILs had written me a letter about joining the family though. Just a welcoming, loving, happy-you-make-our-son-happy letter. That would have meant loads more than any present they could ever give.

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• knottiee1df26552193157e member

  

  March 2018

  Wow and thank you!!  I appreciate everyone's input!

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2018

  knottiee1df26552193157e said:

  I hope that this is the appropriate forum for various questions.  I also don't know if the answers vary in different areas of the country.  We are located in the Northeast.  I realize there is no "should" but I would like to know what is most accepted.  I will say we are so happy with the bride-to-be and her parents.  We can't wait to celebrate together!
  
  First, I have general gift questions.  Is it customary for the parents of the groom to give an engagement gift?  Although we are approaching the wedding, we did not give an engagement gift, so that ship has sailed.  Also, I am making the bridal shower (mostly because of convenience of location) and anticipate approximately 30 guests.  The MOB is bringing a small gift to the shower, but said she plans to see what they still need afterwards.  Should I bring a gift to the shower and, if so, do I need to be worried if I bring a bigger gift?  I don't want to insult the MOB.  Finally, all of the parents are paying for the wedding.  Should we also give a wedding gift?
  
  Also, is it customary for the parents of the groom to give a gift to the bride before the wedding?
  
  Thanks!
  
  
  

  I have been both a MOB and MOG. 
  
  We hosted a small engagement party that was basically between the parents of the bride and groom, and the couple.  No gifts were exchanged. 
  
  I did bring gifts to any and all showers. I was also the "silent partner" in hosting a shower for my daughter in my home.   I did not ask nor did I compare my gifts to the other family.  I honestly could not even tell you what was gifted to my daughter or son by their respective in-laws.
  
  We gifted both our son and daughter their weddings.  However, it truly was a gift.  Our only stipulation was that guests be hosted properly and sufficiently.  We did not give any additional wedding gift.
  
  
  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2018 edited March 2018

  I would usually bring a gift to the shower.  Wedding gifts from parents of the groom are optional.  Sometimes a contribution towards the honeymoon is appreciated, but it is not required.  Relax.
  

  

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  March 2018

  My MIL and sFIL paid for our venue {plus what came with it} as our gift, so they only gave us a card on the day.
  
  MIL split with her sister on a gift for shower - gift card for spa. Enough for a couple's massage or massage plus something else for myself.
  
  Neither of which were expected/customary, but very thoughtful.
  
  I've never heard of the parents of groom or parents of bride giving a gift before the wedding, but that may be just personally.

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2018

  1. I don't know if it's customary for the parents of the bride or groom to give engagement gifts. We didn't give our DD and SIL an engagement gift. I would skip it, since the wedding is close. 
  
  2. You are giving the shower. The shower is a gift in and of itself. If you would like to give a gift, choose something from their registry. Don't worry about outdoing the MOB. For my daughter's shower gift, I gave her pearl earrings and pendant to wear on her wedding day. My dear friend gave her daughter and SIL Christmas ornaments from their family Christmas tree along with a new First Christmas Together ornament for her shower gift.
  
  3. We gave our daughter and SIL law money for their wedding - no strings attached, so that was our gift. The groom's parents also gave them money. 
  
  4. Before the wedding, my daughter's MIL gave her a sixpence for her shoe along with a little poem that explained that tradition. She wanted to give her something sentimental to welcome her to the family.
  
  
  
  
  

                     

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