Bridal Party Help
My Fiancé’s oldest brother (he has 3 brothers, 1 sister) has been dating a girl on and off for a few years now and is apparently going to propose within the next few weeks, meaning she will be the only SIL not involved in the wedding party. They aren’t engaged yet but several of his family members have asked if I’m going to ask her to be included since I asked 2 out of 3 of my FH’s brother’s wives to be part of the wedding since it’s just what his family does.
To make things more complicated, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen dropped out this week due to financial issues so we are already one groomsman short without considering my (potential) future sister in law.
We waited a while to ask the bridal party and have not started with any sort of planning just yet in terms of attire/ day of plans. Our wedding is in late October of this year.
Re: Bridal Party Help
YOU get to choose your bridesmaids. Nobody else.
Your fiance gets to choose his attendants. Nobody else. Not even YOU.
Anyone who asks to be in your wedding party, or asks that someone else be included, is being very rude and completely out of line. Just say "No."
Your comment about your FBIL's former marriage and his upcoming plans is very judgemental. Now, STOP IT!
Unfortunately though, you have already made your decision and it is too late to ask anyone else, this goes for your FH too. Asking now will just make someone feel like an after thought.
when is your wedding?
can you include you fSIL and close friend with out making them bridesmaids? I only had my sister and SIL as bridesmaids but my bff actually listened to me bounce ideas off her more than they did, just because I spoke with her more often.
As for the PFSIL - I'd opt for not at this point even though I thoroughly get what you're saying as for many it is/was tradition having family in the WP.
As for your brother's girlfriend, if you're not close to her, then don't ask her. If you do want your close friend to be one of your bridesmaids, then ask her.
Although you and your FI are required to invite both members of a couple to be guests, you are not required to ask any of your FSILs or FBIL's girlfriends to be in your bridesmaids. If it's important to your FI that his brother's girlfriend be in the wedding party, he can ask her to be a groomswoman.
It's not up to him or his family members or friends who your attendants are, and it's not up to you or your family members or friends who his attendants are. You each make those choices for your own sides by yourself.
But once you make those choices, you can't unmake them by asking people you have already asked to be in your wedding party to step down, because that's a friendship-ending move. It's also not polite to replace former wedding party members.
Don't make even sides or avoiding hurt feelings the basis of choosing wedding party members. Those are the worst possible reasons to choose people - and they usually cause more hurt feelings in the long run.
The point is that your situation is neither unique or dramatic. You and you alone make the determination as to who is in your wedding party. I agree with PP's that you leave well enough alone.
For any lurkers- sides do NOT have to be even