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Etiquette

Friends daughters 1st bday

sending invites in the next few weeks. Today I get a Facebook invite from a friend of a friend for her daughters 1st birthday. It’s the same day as my wedding. And she has a good chuck of the wedding party invited including my photographer. Kinda got me like 

 

Re: Friends daughters 1st bday

  • edited February 24
    Awk- ward! Does she know it is your wedding day?

    edited to form a complete sentence. 
    charlotte989875Jen4948MissKittyDanger
  • I would email her immediately and say "You DO realize that this is my wedding day, right?"
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I might call to let her know that your wedding I sent the same day. I wouldn’t suggest she move dates or do anything other than have a awareness of the situation. She may decide to change the date herself or continue. Regardless, be polite and understanding. An invite to either event is not a summons so people can choose which invite to accept. 
    short+sassySP29
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 24
    When is your wedding?
    I'm assuming if your invites aren't going out for a few weeks that she is inviting people to a baby's birthday party three months ahead of time. Plus, if you're a friend of a friend (?) she must be inviting all her facebook contacts. 
                
    southernbelle0915OliveOilsMom
  • @mairepoppy wedding is end of may. I sent her a message declining saying that’s my wedding day :-). she’s best friends with my photographer and gym buddies with one of my bridesmaids so she’s in one of my friend groups but I’ve only met her a few times. 
    All of my wedding party and photographer declined coming to the birthday so maybe she will change it?? She’s invited to my wedding regardless but obviously she won’t come if she doesn’t move the party date 

     

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @mairepoppy wedding is end of may. I sent her a message declining saying that’s my wedding day :-). she’s best friends with my photographer and gym buddies with one of my bridesmaids so she’s in one of my friend groups but I’ve only met her a few times. 
    All of my wedding party and photographer declined coming to the birthday so maybe she will change it?? She’s invited to my wedding regardless but obviously she won’t come if she doesn’t move the party date 
    I mean, maybe. Don't assume. Depends on the details. I have one SIL who might do this - she'd invite this far ahead in case out of town family wanted to come and plan ahead, but the party itself would be a simple hour and a half thing at their house or in the park in the morning, in which case she could still make it to an afternoon or evening wedding.

    You've done what you needed, except wait for her RSVP.

    Anniversary

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    At this point there's nothing you can do except hope that everyone remembers that you issued the first invitation. If someone RSVPs yes for her daughter's 1st birthday instead, it's not because of you.
  • Depending on the timing of the events, guests may be able to attend both.  First birthdays are typically during the day, and weddings are typically evening events (of course not always...but in this case maybe some guests could pop into the birthday and attend your wedding too?).

    Agreed that this is strangely early for an invitation to any event at the end of May, especially a kid birthday.  Older DD’s birthday is mid-May and I don’t even know if she’s having a party yet.  For all of my kids’ first bday parties, I purposely sent out invites about one month out, so no one would feel like I wanted to date held super far in advance  :D
    ahoyweddingMairePoppyOliveOilsMom
  • Holy Crap that's early for a birthday party. I thought I was pushing the early button for DS's birthday party this year when I sent them out 6 weeks previous to the party (we're inviting kids from his kindergarten and I wanted to make sure I had enough time to give them notice). She's either super Type A, or as Banana says, really competitive. 
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingMairePoppyaugustgirl21
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Update: She moved the birthday party to the day after my wedding. Her reasoning for sending out invites early was because it was a holiday weekend. Not 100% buying that it raises small red flag of "she picked my wedding date on purpose" but like I said. I don't know her well enough to say her intent. 

    Either way problem solved. 
    Not sure if I'm going to the birthday party since we're having a causal day after brunch at the hotel with out of town guests (it's included in their room price) Nothing fancy more of "hey my new husband and I are eating breakfast at the hotel at this time. You're welcome to come before you head home."
    Also we will most likely being doing some moving that day (not living together before the wedding) as well as getting things ready for honeymoon, etc. 
    Might be a day of decision and she's aware of that.    

    Thanks for the update! I'm curious about an update on the friend you don't want to invite - care to update us there as well?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, don't make it a "day of" decision. I'm hesitant to invite my close friends to my kid's birthday because honestly, it's a kid's party and I wouldn't blame them for not caring. For a more distant friend? The day after your wedding? She shouldn't be at all surprised if you RSVP no, and I guarantee she won't be oh so terribly disappointed over your absence, either. What would annoy TF out of me was you refusing to RSVP yes or no. Just go ahead and say you aren't going so she can plan.

    If she's the sort of person to take it as a personal affront if you don't pretend to make every possible effort, then I don't really know why you're friends anyway.

    Anniversary

    STARMOON44
  • Yeah, don't make it a "day of" decision. I'm hesitant to invite my close friends to my kid's birthday because honestly, it's a kid's party and I wouldn't blame them for not caring. For a more distant friend? The day after your wedding? She shouldn't be at all surprised if you RSVP no, and I guarantee she won't be oh so terribly disappointed over your absence, either. What would annoy TF out of me was you refusing to RSVP yes or no. Just go ahead and say you aren't going so she can plan.

    If she's the sort of person to take it as a personal affront if you don't pretend to make every possible effort, then I don't really know why you're friends anyway.
    I didn't invite any "Aunties" this year to my son's party because it was going to be all kids and a lot of noise. If you are invited, RSVP no ASAP. It's a pain to the parent to have to run around a couple of weeks before trying to gather RSVPs and figure out food and booze for the party for possibilities. 
  • I don't understand why someone would invite adults, with whom they aren't close, to a child's birthday party. RSVP no and enjoy your wedding weekend. It wouldn't be polite to leave the hostess hanging.
    My firm belief is that if you invite adults, you have to have an "adult-friendly party". That means food and drink and chairs appropriate for adults. It doesn't have to be fancy. The party can ALSO be for kids, with themed paper plates and balloons and stuff, but it can't ONLY be for the kids. My brother and sis-in-law always invite adults to kids birthday parties that are just for kids--no food, drink, or chairs for the adults, no plan to socialize with the adults, etc. It's terrible. Why would you do that?
    PrettyGirlLost
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