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Destination Weddings

Wedding Next year in Ireland

My fiance and I are planning a small intimate wedding in Ireland next. My fiance has social anxiety so he asked me to try to our guest list under 30 (right now its at 34), but I have a few friends who assume they are invited, and I don't know how to address that. How do I address that issue? 

Re: Wedding Next year in Ireland

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 11
    No one is invited to a wedding unless they receive an invitation.  if you send out Save the Date cards, you MUST follow up with a formal invitation, so the choice is completely yours.  If someone is so rude as to ask if they are invited, you simply say, "We have a very small, intimate wedding planned."

    Are either you or your FI residents of Ireland?  Their legal requirements are not easy.  Make sure that you investigate this.  You can't just hop off the plane and get married in Ireland.  There is a three month waiting period!
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    short+sassy
  • I just spoke to my wedding planner and she too said that the legal requirements are difficult currently and I am opting to do a symbolic ceremony there. We made an engagement announcement on facebook, only to get people saying things like "Congrats, I can't wait to see you two get married!" And the majority of those people didn't make our cut for our list. I also have a friend getting married in September, that I feel obligated to invite to my wedding next year because she is inviting us to hers. The guest issue is driving me bonkers frankly.
  • I just spoke to my wedding planner and she too said that the legal requirements are difficult currently and I am opting to do a symbolic ceremony there. We made an engagement announcement on facebook, only to get people saying things like "Congrats, I can't wait to see you two get married!" And the majority of those people didn't make our cut for our list. I also have a friend getting married in September, that I feel obligated to invite to my wedding next year because she is inviting us to hers. The guest issue is driving me bonkers frankly.

    JIC


    You need to make it absolutely crystal clear to your guests that your ceremony in Ireland is not your actual wedding and they're making the trip for you to play dress up.
    SP29ahoyweddingjustsieeileenrob
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just spoke to my wedding planner and she too said that the legal requirements are difficult currently and I am opting to do a symbolic ceremony there. We made an engagement announcement on facebook, only to get people saying things like "Congrats, I can't wait to see you two get married!" And the majority of those people didn't make our cut for our list. I also have a friend getting married in September, that I feel obligated to invite to my wedding next year because she is inviting us to hers. The guest issue is driving me bonkers frankly.

    JIC


    You need to make it absolutely crystal clear to your guests that your ceremony in Ireland is not your actual wedding and they're making the trip for you to play dress up.
    Yes. It is so incredibly rude to have people pay thousands of dollars and time off work only to have them watch a play. I want to see the real thing. Go on your honeymoon to Ireland. But don’t make people spend all of that money and vacation time for a fake ceremony. 


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    mollybarker11ahoyweddingeileenrobSTARMOON44
  • I've beat this story to death on these boards, but my sister did just what you're planning. They got "married" in Mexico, but there would have been an extra cost to get their legal documents translated from Spanish to English, and maybe a couple other restrictions that I can't remember and they didn't want to "deal with all of that." Our other sister and I were very hurt we weren't told about the legal ceremony, nor were we told about it. Our parents found out on accident, when they ran into one of my sister's friends. 

    Anyway, we all still traveled to Mexico, but we were pretty salty about it. It didn't help that an all-inclusive wasn't my typical vacation style and it was more expensive than I'd usually spend on a vacation. When you invite guests to a destination wedding, you're basically asking them to spend their limited vacation time and money on a trip that you chose for them. The least you can do is invite them to the actual, legal ceremony. 

    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875eileenrobsparklepants41
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 20
    Fire your wedding planner immediately.  She is not working in your best interest.
    If you continue with your plans for a "symbolic wedding" in Ireland, (Whatever THAT is?) you will insult every guest you invite to it.  Inviting guests to a wedding that is fake is the height of rudeness.  There will be people who will never forgive you for this.  Is that what you want people to remember about your "wedding"?
    Plan a nice local wedding and invite your guests to the real thing.

    Oh, and weddings are taken very, very seriously by the Irish government and people.  Your plans are insulting to them, too.  There is no such thing as a symbolic wedding as far as the Irish government is concerned.  This is WHY they have strict laws.
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    InLoveInQueenseileenrob
  • Why on earth are you paying someone to plan a pretend wedding? If you want to get married at a distant destination, you should at least bother to, you know, GET MARRIED there.
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    CMGragaineileenrob
  • Either you accept the legal requirements  in Ireland and actually get married there, or you forget the plan entirely. Do not make people spend a fortune to be at your "symbolic wedding." How absurd.
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    southernbelle0915eileenrob
  • Asking people to travel to Ireland for a "symbolic ceremony" is grade A showboating craziness.

    If you move forward with this nonsense, you need to be 100% crystal clear with people WAY in advance (like before they buy tickets and/or ask for time off from their jobs) that this is not a wedding and that you two will be already be married at the time. 

    So to answer the people who say "Congrats! I can't wait to see you two get married!" You can either a) not respond (no one is entitled to an invitation to anything), or b) let them know that you're not getting married in Ireland anyway, so it's a moot point. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    eileenrob
  • I just spoke to my wedding planner and she too said that the legal requirements are difficult currently and I am opting to do a symbolic ceremony there. We made an engagement announcement on facebook, only to get people saying things like "Congrats, I can't wait to see you two get married!" And the majority of those people didn't make our cut for our list. I also have a friend getting married in September, that I feel obligated to invite to my wedding next year because she is inviting us to hers. The guest issue is driving me bonkers frankly.


    PPs have already covered that a symbolic ceremony isn't a thing, so I won't go on too much about that.  But, by all means, I'd definitely recommend that you and your FI honeymoon in Ireland and find a beautiful spot...just the two of you...to have this symbolic ceremony that sounds important to you all.

    As to the first bolded, I think a lot of people say that as a misguided congratulations and/or "thing to say".  I wouldn't put too much weight on it that they actually expect to be invited.  Especially when they hear through the grapevine that the wedding is small and with only family and very close friends.

    You do NOT need to invite your friend, just because she invited you to her wedding in September.  This is not a "tit for tat" deal.  She might be inviting 250 guests so, of course she is inviting most/all of her friends.  She should be understanding and not have her nose out of joint if she isn't invited to the small wedding you all are having.

    I had a first cousin attend my small wedding (35 guests), though technically he was my aunt's guest.  He got married less than a year later with over 5x the guest list, but I wasn't invited.  Was I upset in the slightest?  Nope, not at all.  I never felt he was obligated to send me an invite, just because he'd been at my wedding.   

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