Wedding Woes

Paint your nursery a different day?

Q. Pregnant: I agreed to be my sister’s maid of honor before I knew I was pregnant, and my due date is smack dead center in the week of her destination wedding. I very obviously will not be able to go, but I still want to help out before the baby takes over my life. I also have insisted my parents go on to the wedding. My husband and I just want it to be us for the birth and have everyone come in later. My sister, however, has retreated into toddlerhood. She makes pointed “jokes” about how I am trying to steal her thunder and abandoning her for the baby. I try to ignore her, but she keeps pouting! I suggested several dates for her bachelorette party only for her to want one I can’t do (I am painting the nursery). I am very hurt and haven’t told anyone because I know it will blow up. I don’t have time or energy to deal with this. These should be joyous events, and instead I am doubting my entire relationship with my sister. What should I do?

Re: Paint your nursery a different day?

  • Yeah the nursery painting thinkmakes her sound ridiculous. 
    charlotte989875mrsconn23ahoywedding
  • Seriously paint the nursery a different day. Your sister is being petty complaining about stolen thunder, but this is just as petty. 


    This is exactly what I was thinking!  Her sister hugely sucks and I don't blame her for second guessing the relationship they have.

    But I can't imagine what is so special about THIS day, that it is the only one she can paint the nursery in.  That's like saying, "I can't go because I need to wash my hair."

    Not to mention, I'm assuming the bachelorette party is being planned within a month or so of the wedding.  So LW is going to be 7-8 months pregnant.

    Painting is tiring and very hard work.  There are also very STRONG smells associated with it.  I could be wrong, but I'd think a lot of women in the third trimester are not going to be able to hang with that.

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    LOL @kahluakoala when I first read this I thought it was you not a letter from Prudie. I was thinking this doesn't sound like kahluakoala!

    FFS paint the nursery another day, LW. Yes sister is being bratty about thunder stealing et al but take the high road.
  • How can she reschedule to paint the nursery if it means changing the date that she washes her hair?!? 

    For fucks sake.   These people are mentally draining.    The sister is being unreasonable but so is mom to be if painting takes priority over the party.  

    I swear the older I get the more my BS tolerance goes down. 
    short+sassymrsconn23InLoveInQueens
  • LW, lesson learned for next time .....


    I snorted at work .... :')
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy
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    edited March 6
    mrsconn23 said:
    Wow, LW better get that nursery painted before her judgey baby is born.  I mean, we all know that babies cannot bear to exist in an unpainted bedroom.  

    LW and her sister sound like petty dicks.  Ugh. 


    Judgey baby:


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  • LOL @kahluakoala when I first read this I thought it was you not a letter from Prudie. I was thinking this doesn't sound like kahluakoala!

    FFS paint the nursery another day, LW. Yes sister is being bratty about thunder stealing et al but take the high road.
    OMG I thought the same thing! And then I was like nooooo she has more sense than that!

    But for pete's sake, it's not like painting a nursery is an activity that can only be done at a certain time or a certain day. 
  • Maybe it’s because I’m a surly pregnant woman, but if my sister was making backhanded remarks about my pregnancy stealing her thunder, I might prioritize painting as well.

    Ok in reality I would be the bigger person (figuratively and literally) and reschedule painting. But I also would have shut down sister and her passive-aggressive “jokes” way before it got to this point. 
  • She could always pull a me, don't get the nursery painted at all.  Go into labor and have your BFF come into the house to paint the nursery for you!
    Downside when your bff lives 4hrs away lmao
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  • edited March 7
    mrsconn23 said:
    It annoys me that Prudie always needs to take a 'side' with letters.  It's OK to be team 'no one, because everyone's being an asshole here' and then give advice to LW from that perspective and along the lines of, "LW, you can only control your actions..."  

    Also, I have a lot of questions for LW about her relationship with her sister.  Because the comments and LW's desire to retaliate lead me to believe that there's underlying feelings about things that have nothing to do with weddings or babies. 
    This. It's odd that this letter didn't raise red flags for Prudie. At a high level, you have someone who is writing in to an advice columnist because she can't figure out on her own: 1) how to blow off "thunder stealing" comments and 2) how to schedule a bachelorette party and paint a (likely small) room in her house. 

    If this LW can't figure this out without pleading with a stranger for help, she's going have a very hard time managing her own life once a baby is born. 

    ETA: I picture her getting invited to a birthday party and breaking down sobbing because "I have to organize my sock drawer! How am I supposed to be everything to everyone!!!!" :D
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    short+sassyOliveOilsMomahoyweddingcharlotte989875
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    Prudie's advice was all sorts of off in this week's chat. 

    Re: the woman with a stepdad who molested young girls. Prudie hasn't shied away from giving legal advice in the past. I couldn't believe she didn't tell the woman (who expressed concern about her unborn child going to her mom and stepdad if something happened to her and her H) to SET UP A WILL DESIGNATING WHO GETS THE KID ASAP! Goodness, I kept scrolling through and hoped and hoped someone had written in in response that Prudie had published, but nope. 

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    She could always pull a me, don't get the nursery painted at all.  Go into labor and have your BFF come into the house to paint the nursery for you!
    Or pull a me, and don't paint the nursery at all. Haha! I'm waiting until DD has her own taste in decor to bother with any of that. 

    But I read the original letter as "I suggested a bunch of days and sister wants a day I didn't offer, as I'm already busy." Regardless of the reason she's busy, she offered other days. Look, if I'm trying to make plans, I throw out desirable dates. Someone says none of those work. I throw out more dates, or they throw out dates, until we can mutually agree. This letter is focusing on the reason she's busy, rather than the fact that it's a date she never offered her sister. Communicate, ladies. It's a calendar, learn to use it. Move the pre-wedding events up a bit if need be. No one cares if a shower is 2 months in advance, 4 months in advance, etc.; or if a bachelorette is several months in advance either. 
    ________________________________


    charlotte989875
  • She could always pull a me, don't get the nursery painted at all.  Go into labor and have your BFF come into the house to paint the nursery for you!
    Or pull a me, and don't paint the nursery at all. Haha! I'm waiting until DD has her own taste in decor to bother with any of that. 
    We're painting the room neutral for that reason. We're doing our own room the same colour anyways and I hate the yellow #excuses
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  • She could always pull a me, don't get the nursery painted at all.  Go into labor and have your BFF come into the house to paint the nursery for you!
    Or pull a me, and don't paint the nursery at all. Haha! I'm waiting until DD has her own taste in decor to bother with any of that. 
    We're painting the room neutral for that reason. We're doing our own room the same colour anyways and I hate the yellow #excuses

    My room stayed the obnoxious Barbie pink it was when we moved in when I was 3, until I moved out and my sister managed to get it painted. The previous owners had painted it to match their daughter's bedspread. It had some awesome gold shag carpet too. So as long as DD's room is a tolerable color (which it is - a nice purply gray), I doubt we'll paint it ever. Not gonna put much stock in the (oft-changing) tastes of the kid. We'll change the bedspread if need be, but not the wall color.
    Our whole house is the same colour yellow {best seen in photo below} and I've been wanting to paint. If it was more tolerable, I wouldn't care lol


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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    LOL @ShesSoCold
    My childhood bedroom was "bright ass yellow" too, until I moved to college. Then it was light butter. Only recently did my mom totally change it to a soothing sage...  
    ________________________________


    ShesSoCold
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    Prudie's advice was all sorts of off in this week's chat. 

    Re: the woman with a stepdad who molested young girls. Prudie hasn't shied away from giving legal advice in the past. I couldn't believe she didn't tell the woman (who expressed concern about her unborn child going to her mom and stepdad if something happened to her and her H) to SET UP A WILL DESIGNATING WHO GETS THE KID ASAP! Goodness, I kept scrolling through and hoped and hoped someone had written in in response that Prudie had published, but nope. 
    FWIW, a designation in the will is not controlling of where the kids end up. In a lot of places, it means legal squat. 

    I might be assuming too much legal knowledge on Prudie, but perhaps she didn't suggest it because it's not really an effective way of protecting the kids. 
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited March 8
    Prudie's advice was all sorts of off in this week's chat. 

    Re: the woman with a stepdad who molested young girls. Prudie hasn't shied away from giving legal advice in the past. I couldn't believe she didn't tell the woman (who expressed concern about her unborn child going to her mom and stepdad if something happened to her and her H) to SET UP A WILL DESIGNATING WHO GETS THE KID ASAP! Goodness, I kept scrolling through and hoped and hoped someone had written in in response that Prudie had published, but nope. 
    FWIW, a designation in the will is not controlling of where the kids end up. In a lot of places, it means legal squat. 

    I might be assuming too much legal knowledge on Prudie, but perhaps she didn't suggest it because it's not really an effective way of protecting the kids. 
    Hmm, I'm going to have to do more research on that. My understanding was you can designate where your children will go. I know my parents had something set up that said they wanted us go to my paternal grandparents. 

    ETA: well, I just did some quick researching, and everything I read indicates a court makes the final decision, but they almost always agree with what the will says if there is one unless there is a big outstanding reason why not. 

    And even if the LW's mom wanted to take the child and put up a fight, I'm pretty sure the fact she's married to a convicted child molester would mean she wouldn't get the kid. 

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