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Gross Entitlement

kwiksilverkwiksilver member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
edited September 2017 in Snarky Brides
Uuuuuuuughhhh 

So I have one of those pregnancy apps on my phone and I sometimes peruse the community when I am bored. So a woman asked for advice on the "relationships" board or something, on where to get a low priced wedding dress for her PPD.  Her secret PPD after a courthouse wedding they hid from everyone. 

So I stupidly can't help myself and basically C&P'd the PPD post from the Etiquette board.

OH BOY. OOOOOOOHHHHHH BOY.

I got ripped apart, called a dick, told to stop crapping on people, and best of all, told to "Go back to The Knot". Don't I know it's 2017 not 1917?

Then a bunch of ladies basically told her how they did the same and "family and friends will understand".

WHY?!?  Where did this come from?  This idea that "everyone deserves a big wedding".

Her budget was also only $1500 for the whole thing (ceremony reenactment and all) so I fear for how well her guests will be hosted. It's FINE to have a small budget and wedding but it didn't seem like guest experience was a priority at all. 

I feel gross, and angry. I can't believe not a single other person was brave enough to say anything. Last time I give wedding advice anywhere but here!

ETA:

People reported my comments and the mods deleted it. Of course they lift all the "Oh it's fine to do what you have planned" :scream:
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Re: Gross Entitlement

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The truth/facts will NEVER sink in to anyone who has zero perspective and 100% entitled attitude.  It doesn't stop me from offering my 2 cents, but I do so knowing it will probably make little to no difference. 

    It's pretty much the way/attitude of the world.  Deny.  There is no discussion.  I am right therefore you must be wrong.
    Report Reply
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sunshine and lollipops, that's what people want to hear and if you don't give it to them in a "nice" way, people get all pissy. 
    Report Reply
  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    So many posts now about hosting their own baby showers!!!! GAHHHH

    I'm not going to comment...
    I'm not going to comment...
    I'm not going to comment...

    Everyone else is all "Oh it's fine!  People are bringing gifts for the baby, not you!"

    :disappointed:
    Report Reply
  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Okay so stupid question, I know hosting your own baby shower but could someone host the location, but someone else runs it?

    Example: it's at my house but my mum and MIL actually doing everything to be done - with my help.

    Is that different?
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    southernbelle0915 said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Okay so stupid question, I know hosting your own baby shower but could someone host the location, but someone else runs it?

    Example: it's at my house but my mum and MIL actually doing everything to be done - with my help.

    Is that different?
    I think so. But I would ask them to write on the invitations "hosted by Jane Smith and Suzie Jones" and then let them act as hostesses at the event itself - opening the door, welcoming people, accepting hostess gifts, etc. 
    Yeah I wouldn't side-eye at all if the invites came from someone else & they did the planning, etc. I just had a friend have a shower like that; both of their moms came in from out of state and it was just easier to have it at her house since they were staying there & she had a good space for it. Knowing myself, I wouldn't be able to not at least help with the setup and clean up, but I'd be okay letting someone else plan & host.
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  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  
    Report Reply
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  


    I personally wouldn't side-eye a baby shower, when there are that many years between siblings.

    I'm sure you got rid of your baby stuff a long time ago.  And some items, like car seats, would be expired anyway and no longer safe to use.

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  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    short+sassy said:
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  


    I personally wouldn't side-eye a baby shower, when there are that many years between siblings.

    I'm sure you got rid of your baby stuff a long time ago.  And some items, like car seats, would be expired anyway and no longer safe to use.

    I definitely don't have any baby stuff now. I've moved across the country twice, so I basically purged everything we didn't absolutely need, and I didn't want more kids (with my ex). I was actually looking into having my tubes tied when I met now-H, but he asked me nicely to hold off, and I'm glad I did. 
    Report Reply
  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  
    Definitely wouldn't side-eye this at all! Since there are so many years between kids, what you have is either outdated, if you have any baby stuff at all. As long as you're not the one throwing the party, go ahead and accept :) 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  
    I don't think the majority of people would side-eye this. I kind of would, but, admittedly, I'm a hard-liner on showers being for first babies ONLY. To me, I don't care if there's years between, if you bought all pink/blue the first time around, if there's a different father, or whatever the reason may be. I know that's not necessarily the majority opinion but that's how I look at it. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  
    I don't think the majority of people would side-eye this. I kind of would, but, admittedly, I'm a hard-liner on showers being for first babies ONLY. To me, I don't care if there's years between, if you bought all pink/blue the first time around, if there's a different father, or whatever the reason may be. I know that's not necessarily the majority opinion but that's how I look at it. 
    I totally get where you are coming from. I have thought about it some more, and because it would be only H's family (none of my friends or family due to distance) and it's *his* first baby, I will accept IF it's offered at all.  I don't expect or anticipate any other offers so that shouldn't be a bridge I have to cross at all, thankfully. I appreciate your perspective!
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kwiksilver said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    kwiksilver said:
    I gave in and made a remark about how it seems gift-grabby to host a party in your own honour. Apparently I am wrong, it's actually to honour the baby (who I am sure cares a great deal about that $800 travel system mom registered for...). Plus don't I know that showers aren't inherently gift-giving events?  Ugh. I need better hobbies :lol:
    (Some) people will say anything to justify financially benefiting from something. It's a stretch to say it's "for the baby". Let's be honest here...the gifts are so the PARENTS don't have to buy this stuff. 

    A couple months ago, I got invited to a "Sprinkle" for someone's second baby. A "sprinkle" my ass - she had a FULL registry and, on the invitation, asked for a registry gift, a box a diapers, and a "girl" book from each guest. So gross. Baby#1 was born less than 2 years before she got pregnant so it's not like they're many years apart (a reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). And she totally genderized everything she bought for baby#1 (a boy), so now apparently feels everyone should help her genderize baby#2 (a girl) (another reason lots of people feel justified in second showers). Needless to say, I did not attend or send a gift. 
    I have a quick, somewhat related question. My kids are teenagers now, and since it's my H's first child, I feel like his family may want to throw a shower. Baby showers are a super big thing in his family, which is weird to me, because nobody hosted a shower for me with either of my other children, so I didn't have one obviously. If they offer/ask would it be ok to accept?  I don't want to breach any etiquette or do anything tacky!  
    I'd be fine with you having this shower, but not because your other kids are so old (as others have mentioned). I'd be fine with it because it's your H's first baby, AND because you've never had a baby shower before. 
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  • floravalezfloravalez member
    First Comment
    Some people get married legally and then have a public wedding. That might even be the culture of wherever they are from. Not everyone gets married the same way. It's okay for people to do things differently than what you would; I'd try to get control over angry feelings. What they spend on their wedding is a reflection of what their budget is. Guests should show up to support the couple getting married, not just for free food. I've been to a wedding in the living room of someone's home, no food or drinks. The couple was poor. Sometimes that's how it is and we have to be mature and understand. That's called adulting. 
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  • kwiksilverkwiksilver member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    floravalez said:
    Some people get married legally and then have a public wedding. That might even be the culture of wherever they are from. Not everyone gets married the same way. It's okay for people to do things differently than what you would; I'd try to get control over angry feelings. What they spend on their wedding is a reflection of what their budget is. Guests should show up to support the couple getting married, not just for free food. I've been to a wedding in the living room of someone's home, no food or drinks. The couple was poor. Sometimes that's how it is and we have to be mature and understand. That's called adulting. 
    No. It's not ok to get legally *married* and then have a public reenactment
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  • Knottie1429629618Knottie1429629618 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    If someone's circumstances changed, and lost their health insurance (picked a date in advance so they could host the party they could afford and started planning and paying for it early) but before the party, lost their job and health insurance and had medical issues that needed to be addressed and had already sunk a substantial amount of money into the hosting of this party, do you really expect them to just "cancel" the venue costs, and down payments, rings, honeymoon because "they already got married"? It seems so ridiculous that someone whose marriage it's not, is upset that someone decided before circumstances changed, to lose thousands of dollars just for the sake of "ok already married now". I've bought a big white wedding dress and it was expensive and I am going to wear it, because I love it. I've also sunk a downpayment on house into a party that I chose to have, but I had to get health insurance first. Nothing is wrong with wanting a "pretty princess day" and that was planned long before the logistics of health insurance kicked in. Am I just supposed to cancel my wedding party, and not get to wear a dress because some uptight person who doesn't live my life think's "oh she's having a ppd because her courthouse marriage wasn't good enough." Um no. I'm having the wedding that I PAID for, legal status or not and before life came in. I am not cancelling it because I had to do a quickie ceremony first after plans were set in stone. 
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  • Knottie1429629618Knottie1429629618 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    What the hell is this nonsense? Commenting on a thread 6 months later? The HORROR.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2018
    The internet can be a hurtful place.  You have to understand this before you post anything.  Stupid people post on the internet.  They are out there.
    Last week my daughter was horrified by her BIL's posts about pro-Trump, gun rights, and women liked to be raped and most of them are lying about it.  She was devastated, and I had to listen to her rant.  Every family has at least one asshole, and her BIL is hers.
    Don't take it personally.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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