Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I started dating in grad school two years ago, and have since moved to the same city for work. We both graduated with significant debt (mine was more than $100K, his more than $200K), but we’re making good progress paying them down every month. We both make good money, but he gets a massive (and I mean massive) annual bonus. He works hard, and it’s allowed him to pay off almost all of his debt in two years. I will likely pay mine off in another seven to 10 years.
If we get married, is it appropriate to use his bonus to pay off my student loans? I’m asking this pre-emptively, since we are not even engaged, but we’ve talked about our future together enough that it’s likely to happen in the next few years. We’re comfortable talking about our finances with one another, but I don’t want to bring this up to him yet. I’m not even sure if this is a reasonable thing to do, and I don’t want to offend him or make him think I’m greedy. Is it a bad idea for me to ask him for help? I don’t even know if it’s common among married couples for one partner to pay off the other’s student debt! I don’t want him to resent me down the line, nor do I want him to feel like I’m a freeloader. But I could contribute more to our future household the sooner my debt is paid off—not to mention the added benefits of paying less in interest fees overall, better interest rates for things like mortgages, and better credit scores. How should I bring this up? And are there pros or cons that I’m not considering?
—Not-Quite-Overwhelming Debt