Do I pay for brunch?

knottieb147f005a79e566d · March 2018

I want to invite my girls to brunch to ask them to be my bridesmaids. Am I supposed to pay for brunch because I’m inviting them and it’s kind of a special occasion? Or is it like a normal time we all go eat and everyone pays for themselves? This may be a stupid question, but I just want to make sure. Thanks!

STARMOON44 · March 2018

It would be a very nice gesture!

Jen4948 · March 2018

In all honesty, you should ask each of your bridesmaids individually, not in a group, and if they agree, get their budgets at that time. Because of scheduling, financial or other reasons, one or more may have to decline. It will be hard enough to do that but having to do it at a party in the presence of others, and pay for their lunch on top of that, adds to their potential discomfort. And even if they all can and want to be bridesmaids, they may not be comfortable sharing their financial information in the presence of others.

Later, when you have established who your wedding party members are, you may throw a party for them, but if you do, you should host it entirely at your own expense, not theirs. This party, BTW, should not be billed as a "shower," "bachelorette," "hen party," or something where you are the honoree. Someone else needs to do that for you.

short+sassy · March 2018

Agree with @Jen4948. Ask the people you want in your WP, individually. Even with good, close friends, you just may not know what is going on in their life. They might need to decline the honor, but being asked in a group of friends makes it super awkward to do that. Also, unless you are planning to give them a few parameters for the BM dress and let them get what they want (which is a great idea). Or you plan to be paying for all the outfits. You need to ask each person individually about their dress budget.

Once the WP is determined, if you want to plan a brunch get-together, I'm sure that would be lovely. But you would also need to pay for it, if it is couched in that way. Another option would be, outside of BM and wedding talk, to suggest a brunch outing, like any other time you'd be inviting friends out to do something. And then it is understood that everyone pays their way.

downtondiva · March 2018

I completely agree that you need to ask each person individually about being a bridesmaid, away from anyone else you're planning to ask. Do not put anyone on the spot by doing this in a big group. People may have questions they want to ask before accepting, or may have to tell you that they cannot do it, and that will be super awkward to do in front of other people.

If you want to treat everyone to brunch after the wedding party is set, I do think that would be a lovely gesture and a lot of fun. But don't use it to actually ask them to be in your wedding.

ahoywedding · March 2018

Ditto PP's. Ask everyone separately, just in case someone may need to decline for whatever reason. Asking them privately also gives you a chance to get their dress budget. Of course, if you were planning to let them choose their own dress or if you planned to pay for the dresses then their budget isn't an issue.

It would be lovely to plan a celebration brunch once the wedding party is set though! In that case, I would say you should pay for the brunch and make it about celebrating THEM, not you.

knottieb147f005a79e566d · March 2018

I'm letting them pick their dresses and they all already know I'm going to ask so budget and saying no shouldn't be an issue. But I didn't think about those things you all mentioned and I'll probably go ahead and ask separate and then host a brunch for them later. Thanks for your advice!

MobKaz · March 2018

knottieb147f005a79e566d said:

I'm letting them pick their dresses and they all already know I'm going to ask so budget and saying no shouldn't be an issue. But I didn't think about those things you all mentioned and I'll probably go ahead and ask separate and then host a brunch for them later. Thanks for your advice!

The advice is sound and you are wise to heed it.

There are reasons beyond the dress and budget for some to turn down this role. It gets complicated to turn down this request, and for that reason alone, friends may want privacy to explain themselves.

If anyone you ask were to decline the offer, please try to be gracious and not press for too many details, if any. Keep the friendship forefront in your heart and trust that this friend has a reason. DD had one friend decline. It did confuse and hurt her initially, but she let it go. A few months later her friend revealed she was battling with some serious health issues that she had only discovered when asked to be a bridesmaid. The friend, and the friendship, are both doing well.

southernbelle0915 · March 2018

knottieb147f005a79e566d said:
I'm letting them pick their dresses and they all already know I'm going to ask so budget and saying no shouldn't be an issue. But I didn't think about those things you all mentioned and I'll probably go ahead and ask separate and then host a brunch for them later. Thanks for your advice!

Good call. Even though saying no "shouldn't" be an issue (of course not when these people are close to you!) that's all the more reason it heightens the pressure to say yes - especially in an excited group setting - even if someone really can't swing it for whatever reason.

banana468 · March 2018

southernbelle0915 said:

knottieb147f005a79e566d said:
I'm letting them pick their dresses and they all already know I'm going to ask so budget and saying no shouldn't be an issue. But I didn't think about those things you all mentioned and I'll probably go ahead and ask separate and then host a brunch for them later. Thanks for your advice!
Good call. Even though saying no "shouldn't" be an issue (of course not when these people are close to you!) that's all the more reason it heightens the pressure to say yes - especially in an excited group setting - even if someone really can't swing it for whatever reason.

I feel like any kind of proposal just shouldn't be done in public with an audience.

We see in the news of stories where someone said yes to a proposal because s/he felt like it wasn't possible to turn it down with people and cameras but later felt like it was a mistake.

I think a celebratory brunch once the BP is asked is a really nice gesture though.

Do I pay for brunch?

Re: Do I pay for brunch?

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