Dear Prudence,
I was in a relationship with a man who has many good qualities but one that really hurt our relationship: his attention to other women, in particular an old friend. He is friends with her husband, who travels often. They talk and text day and night.
For a year I thought nothing of this until I discovered her on social media gushing about him like a boyfriend, on a date at his apartment I was unaware of. I felt like the post had crossed a boundary. I demanded to meet her, explaining that it was uncomfortable for me to have another woman emotionally dependent on my fiancé. He refused. He explained she has “issues,” she’s crazy, and the meeting would be uncomfortable. He accused me of being jealous.
A year later, he became more disengaged from our relationship. He was always on his phone and grew anxious whenever I picked up his cell. We barely saw each other. One night, he accidentally sent a text to me that was clearly part of some banter between them. I blew up. I demanded to meet her and said that he could not have a relationship with another woman I don’t know.
He stopped speaking to me and ghosted out of our relationship after two and a half years. I’m heartbroken to lose this man, but the emotional toll of being with someone so checked out was draining. I miss him and wish I hadn’t blown up. We had life plans together! I’m afraid I might have done the wrong thing. Their relationship was platonic. Should I have tried to ignore it, or is the fact that he dumped me all I need to know?
—Pining Over Ex