Father of the groom (also best man) bringing a casual date to wedding...

knottief90a3a0b3207463e · April 2018

My FH does not have a relationship with his mother at all; he has never even met her. My FFIL (and best man) is a terminal bachelor, never in a serious relationship and dates around for fun. He also always takes dates to any type of event, like weddings, college football games, etc., but its always casual. Even though me and FH know how he is, we had both said before that we did not think that he would bring a random woman to his only child's wedding... but we were wrong. I do not know who his date is going to be yet, all he said was to "count on him" bringing a date. He could bring someone I have already met before or not; who knows.

How should I handle this? In general I do not care if he brings a date, I think its weird personally but am ok with it, but I just do not know how to properly accommodate the situation. Does she sit in the family rows at the ceremony? If so, first or second row? Does she get any flower or anything? I definitely will not have her seated at the beginning of the ceremony for sure, but everything else is a mystery.

I also want to draw the line with the after ceremony family photos. I DO NOT want a random person in the photos with me, my family, and my new family on the most important day of my life. Is it ok to make it known to FFIL that she is not welcomed in the after ceremony photos? But if she sits with the family, will she naturally linger around when we are taking photos will everyone else is at cocktail hour, especially since she is the best man/father of the groom's date??

Please help! Thanks

flantastic · April 2018

knottief90a3a0b3207463e said:

My FH does not have a relationship with his mother at all; he has never even met her. My FFIL (and best man) is a terminal bachelor, never in a serious relationship and dates around for fun. He also always takes dates to any type of event, like weddings, college football games, etc., but its always casual. Even though me and FH know how he is, we had both said before that we did not think that he would bring a random woman to his only child's wedding... but we were wrong. I do not know who his date is going to be yet, all he said was to "count on him" bringing a date. He could bring someone I have already met before or not; who knows.

How should I handle this? In general I do not care if he brings a date, I think its weird personally but am ok with it, but I just do not know how to properly accommodate the situation. Does she sit in the family rows at the ceremony? If so, first or second row? Does she get any flower or anything? I definitely will not have her seated at the beginning of the ceremony for sure, but everything else is a mystery.

I also want to draw the line with the after ceremony family photos. I DO NOT want a random person in the photos with me, my family, and my new family on the most important day of my life. Is it ok to make it known to FFIL that she is not welcomed in the after ceremony photos? But if she sits with the family, will she naturally linger around when we are taking photos will everyone else is at cocktail hour, especially since she is the best man/father of the groom's date??

Please help! Thanks

To the bolded: possibly. Some folks are like "See ya later" when they are the date/SO of someone in the WP, and sometimes they don't want to go alone (or can't, if the WP member is their ride). I lingered in church after my now-H's older two brothers got married during the professional pictures. While I did go on to marry him, we weren't engaged at the time and I wasn't in any pictures, nor did I expect to be. It would have been weird if he or I tried to get me in pictures, particularly so if we were just casual dates, and it was mildly boring but not terrible to do the lingering. No big deal.

To everything else, basically no. I don't think you need to "draw the line" with FFIL ahead of time. You can tell the photog who is and is not in the pictures, and he can call them up by name as they're needed. If FFIL is a serial bachelor, he probably just wants to have someone present to have fun with, and neither he nor she will at all expect for her to be in pictures, have a corsage, sit in family pews (unless other WP members are sitting with their SOs/plus ones), etc. I wouldn't worry about most of this.

Anything your WP's dates are invited to, she's invited to, but she doesn't need special family privileges separate from being seated with her date when possible. Where are your bridesmaids' boyfriends sitting at the ceremony? Wherever they want? Then that applies to FFIL's date too.

downtondiva · April 2018

If you're concerned about the pictures, @flantastic is absolutely right that this is better discussed with your photographer. It's my understanding that most wedding photographers are pretty adept at managing all sorts of family situations, and I'm sure yours could navigate this one without making it awkward.

Basically, his date should be treated like any other guest, and there is no need for any special treatment just because she's the father of the groom's date. You don't have to "draw a line" with FFIL on this issue. I highly doubt he expects his date to be treated like a family member. If anything, I bet if he's always bringing casual dates to events and doesn't like to get serious with anyone, he probably won't even want her to be in the pictures, because it might be too much of a "serious relationship" thing for him, if that makes sense.

ILoveBeachMusic · April 2018

Agree with PPs. I think you really don't need to be worrying about this so much. Treat her as any other WP members date and that will probably help you put it in perspective. Your FFIL will be up front with the rest of the WP so she can just sit wherever she chooses to sit. No need to even bring that up with anyone. When DD was married, my oldest son was in the WP. His GF now wife wasn't in the WP. She just sat with some other family members (not in the family row at the front).

Cookie Pusher · April 2018

Agreed with PPs. I've hung out on my own as the date of a WP member and been fine.

Jen4948 · April 2018

I think that as long as she is invited, seated with your FFIL and given the same courtesies any other guest's plus-one would receive, you need not go out of your way to "include" her further.

Ro041 · April 2018

knottief90a3a0b3207463e said:

My FH does not have a relationship with his mother at all; he has never even met her. My FFIL (and best man) is a terminal bachelor, never in a serious relationship and dates around for fun. He also always takes dates to any type of event, like weddings, college football games, etc., but its always casual. Even though me and FH know how he is, we had both said before that we did not think that he would bring a random woman to his only child's wedding... but we were wrong. I do not know who his date is going to be yet, all he said was to "count on him" bringing a date. He could bring someone I have already met before or not; who knows.

How should I handle this? In general I do not care if he brings a date, I think its weird personally but am ok with it, but I just do not know how to properly accommodate the situation. Does she sit in the family rows at the ceremony? If so, first or second row? Does she get any flower or anything? I definitely will not have her seated at the beginning of the ceremony for sure, but everything else is a mystery.

I also want to draw the line with the after ceremony family photos. I DO NOT want a random person in the photos with me, my family, and my new family on the most important day of my life. Is it ok to make it known to FFIL that she is not welcomed in the after ceremony photos? But if she sits with the family, will she naturally linger around when we are taking photos will everyone else is at cocktail hour, especially since she is the best man/father of the groom's date??

Please help! Thanks

I assume they are both adults and know that family photos are for families. Let her sit with him during the ceremony - she is his date afterall. The rest? Treat her as you would any other guest.

jlcece · April 2018

Also to add:

Having been in a zillion weddings recently, the amount of time individual bridal party members actually interact with the B&G on the wedding day is pretty low. You and FI will be so busy trying to greet everyone and enjoy yourselves.

So, consider your FFIL's feelings in that he might not have that many people to "hang out" with at the reception and might be looking to bring a date so he has someone to dance with, sit with, etc. while you two are off doing your thing. What I'm getting at is that while you might think it's "weird", I don't think it's him making light of his only kid's wedding. Bringing a date might be his way of not feeling too awkward/ lonely to dance and enjoy himself.

As for the pictures concern, I agree with PPs that you should just discuss with the photographer. He/she will be sure to include/ not include whoever you wish. That's why you're paying them.

If it is his date, she should be able to sit with him at the ceremony & reception. But she doesn't need anything special such as a corsage, etc.

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