Dear Prudence,
A few weeks ago, my partner “Coriander” was facing eviction, which they didn’t tell me about until the day the eviction was taking place. We worked with the leasing office and got an extra two weeks to pay the (already late) rent. I offered to lend Coriander some money, because they’d recently been fired, and they accepted. Later, I asked Coriander what their plan was for next month’s rent (which was due 10 days after the overdue rent). We got into an argument, and Coriander finally admitted they didn’t have any new jobs lined up and did not plan to apply for the job I had essentially secured for them at my company because it “wasn’t their passion.” I said I wasn’t going to help them if they weren’t going to meet me halfway, and took the loan off the table until they could come up with a plan to pay future installments of the rent.
Coriander ignored me for a few days. This morning, they texted and said someone helped them cover the rent after I “bailed on them.” They accused me of completely taking the offer away, and I told them that their perception of the situation was false. I had said I needed to see a plan of action from them before moving forward; instead of making a plan, they got someone else to give them cash. Was I wrong for restructuring my offer? I have never been the type to go back on my word, but I was tired of doing all the heavy lifting in my partner’s life only for them to not do the bare minimum. For what it’s worth, I’ve made a promise to myself not to offer Coriander any more financial help and to let them figure out their life exactly how they see fit, which is something they’ve asked me to do before.
—Never Takes Blame