Wedding Etiquette Forum

How Should I Acknowledge My Deceased Bridesmaid on Our Wedding Day?

I'm not sure if this should be posted in the etiquette board or the BP board - let me know and I'll XP or remove. 

One of my bridesmaid’s passed away last September due to complications from a long fought illness. I am trying to think of ways to acknowledge her at the wedding without making it creepy or a memorial for her.

I want to tread lightly because her husband is still in the BP and their anniversary is within days of our wedding day. I was thinking of getting 1 x 1 photo frame charm (I would insert a picture of us) and tying it on my bouquet. Maybe I could have the photographer take a few stand-alone pictures of the bouquet?

Do you think that’s appropriate? We do not have wedding programs and the only place I have her mentioned is our wedding website with an asterisk next to her name and a notation that says in memoriam.

Thoughts?

Re: How Should I Acknowledge My Deceased Bridesmaid on Our Wedding Day?

  • Yep. I agree with Starmoon. Any more would be too much.

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  • I agree that that idea is perfect.

    I think when people try to do to much to remember a loved one who has passed it can quickly cross the line into sad, depressing, all about the lost loved one territory.  This is a day that is about you and your FI and celebrating your marriage with your friends and family.  So I think a small charm as a way to have your BM close to you on your day is a great idea.  I have just never really found it appropriate to do anything larger like leaving an empty seat, etc.  To me, those that knew the individual will notice their absence without any grand gesture or memorial pointing it out.
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your loss!  I'm sure there will be a few sad moments on your day for both yourself and her H.

    I think your instincts are spot-on.  A remembrance of her should not be overt, especially since her H is in the WP.  A photo frame charm on your bouquet sounds lovely and perfect.  You'll know it's there and that she is with you in spirit.  Without it being a potentially upsetting broadcast to others on a happy occasion.

    Most photographers will take stand-alone pics of your bouquet anyway.  You might consider they also take a few close-up shots of the photo charm, framed by some of the flowers around it.   

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    I think the means you have already chosen to remember your bridesmaid are excellent. I would leave them as is for exactly the reason you mentioned: you don't want to invoke any sense of grief or loss, especially for her widower who is still in your wedding party.
  • Thank you all. 

    I'm glad to see that I was on the right track. I truly appreciate the input!
  • That's a great idea. I also did something similar with my bouquet (attached a locket with my grandfather's picture), and I had my photographer take a few shot of it. They came out really nice. 
  • So sorry to hear about your loss. I think your gesture will be much appreciated by everyone at the wedding and I think you should do it. You might also mention her in a speech or something if you find that appropriate. But there is obviously a line which you should be looking out for.
  • I'm going to do a locket with my grandparent's wedding picture. I think your idea is perfect!
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