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Anyone else feeling overwhelmed and stressed out?

knottie9c6405120df5fa80knottie9c6405120df5fa80 member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Woes
I'm halfway through planning, and I'm just so stressed out over it all. It just sort of hit me that this is ONE DAY that I and my family are spending thousands of dollars on. I wish I could just elope with my fiance, but he really wants a wedding, and also I don't think we could even cancel it all at this point. I feel like there's something wrong with me - I thought I would be so excited to plan a wedding, but instead everything is overpriced and there are so many details to think about that I want to just throw it all out the window and go elope in Tahiti. Are you guys enjoying wedding planning? How do you get over these costs? I'm really trying to budget, but I feel like there's only so much I can do before I have to completely DIY it.
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Re: Anyone else feeling overwhelmed and stressed out?

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Time for a deep breath, large adult beverage and a gourmet cupcake of choice.  

    Yes, what you're feeling is normal.  This is where it's time to take the step back and regroup.  Remember, there are only three things you NEED to get married, 1) Someone to marry, 2) Someone to witness/officiate, 3) a license.  Everything else is window dressing and gravy. 

    The moment you invite guests, they need to be treated equally.  That said, step away from the bridal magazines and remember "People plan funerals in less than 3-7 days using many of the same vendors and do so on a super limited budget."  Change your perception about how you're spending the money and what you're spending it on, and most of all, your time.  Instead of asking "how much is..." ask "How can we achieve a look similar to this (ONLY if you have an idea of something specific, if not, you just say..) with my budget of $$$" there is going to need to be compromise, but you'll be happier NOT having overspent money and sticking to your budgets and releasing the detail to the professional you hired to get the job done the first time.  Every caterer has the "Budget Friendly Option", the caterer we used for my parent's 50th Anniversary offered a "You get what you get 2-meat buffet" for one price vs. choosing options ourselves for $10/plate more (they do take into account allergies on the "their choice" option so not going to give peppercorn steak if there are a number of guests with pepper allergies ..it's typically chicken and beef/ham option depending on what's market cheaper) or having a plated meal for $15/plate more, or they'll have a 2-piece chicken/beef option or something like that which will easily get your budget back in control.  With the cake, the easier it is for your decorator to decorate, the cheaper it'll be.  

    Next, DELEGATE!  You hire your vendors to do their jobs, not for you to micromanage them, just ask "what communications do you need and when" and you're going to be amazed at how little it is.  I've hired cakes for events and literally called the baker up and said "Event Date/location, $$$ (realistic/high budget for what is to be served), serve XY number of guests, this is the theme/colors"...  And often come in under budget because of being easy to work with by letting them do their job.  

    Everything will be great the day of your wedding, just remember what is a need vs. a want.  You NEED an officiant you WANT orchids...  and delegate - delegate - delegate! 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    There is nothing wrong with you. Planning any kind of large event is something most people aren't used to doing, and it is totally normal to find it stressful. Also, some people are just more into weddings and their details than others, and you may be someone who doesn't get super excited about that kind of thing. That's totally okay. 

    Remember, the wedding industry's goal is to make itself money, and to that end, they will try to convince you that you need things for your wedding that you really don't. Some of the details that are probably stressing you out right now are things that won't affect whether anyone has a good time. Based on my experience, people remember if the food and drinks were good (notice I said good, not fancy, there's a difference), if they liked the people they were sitting with, and if the music was good. They're not going to remember the exact flowers or whether every single detail was personalized...and guess what? Chances are, neither will you. 

    So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you are getting overwhelmed, try to focus on the things that will actually affect people's enjoyment of the day, and either eliminate a lot of the other "details" or keep them as simple as possible. If you give us some more info on what's concerning you with your budget, maybe we could offer some more specific suggestions on how to save money. 


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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Try to keep the little details to a minimum.  You need an officiant, food and beverage appropriate to the time of day for your guests, comfortable seating for everyone, and a weather-proof Plan B if any of your wedding day is outdoors. The rest (music, photo/video, etc.) is extra, and if it’s stressing you (financially or emotionally) it’s okay to cut back.  

    It’s normal to feel stressed when throwing such a large scale party!  You mentioned DIY- that would stress me too!  What are you thinking you’ll have to DIY?  Anything that’s not part of the essentials I mentioned?  

    Are you honeymooning in Tahiti?  I ditto PP advice to have a drink and a treat and picture you and your FI enjoying Tahiti in a few months when you’re feeling stressed out.
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  • ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with above and encourage you to take a full break for at least a week. No wedding talk, planning of any sort. When you do go back to planning, I would start with the most basic and then really think about additional things as ‘will this make me happy or is it causing me unnecessary stress’. 

    Table decor was bothering me, we decided to leave it alone and not have it. No one noticed. We didn’t have a band/DJ, dancing and no one cared. We ensured that we hosted well and focused on having a night that was about love and being together. It really helped to simplify things. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    OP - Remember DIY =/= cost nor stress savings and traditionally ends up doubling the cost that you'd otherwise spend to have a professional do that detail for you!  Unless you're already a professional in that aspect (Florist, baker, DJ, etc.) and already own 100% of everything other than say the flowers or ingredients for a cake, just hand that detail over to the pros with your budget after nickels and dimes!  The one thing in DIY anything that most people forget is the value of YOUR time.  You get paid a wage at work, now multiply that out down to the minute of what you're putting into any DIY project and suddenly the money you thought you were saving turns out to be super expensive - that expense is your stress right now and the price is too high!
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2018
    knottie9c6405120df5fa80 said:
    I'm halfway through planning, and I'm just so stressed out over it all. It just sort of hit me that this is ONE DAY that I and my family are spending thousands of dollars on. I wish I could just elope with my fiance, but he really wants a wedding, and also I don't think we could even cancel it all at this point. I feel like there's something wrong with me - I thought I would be so excited to plan a wedding, but instead everything is overpriced and there are so many details to think about that I want to just throw it all out the window and go elope in Tahiti. Are you guys enjoying wedding planning? How do you get over these costs? I'm really trying to budget, but I feel like there's only so much I can do before I have to completely DIY it.
    I am not currently planning, but I when I was I actually enjoyed it.  I did an "all inclusive" venue though, which helped immensely. As far as costs...I actually loved quote shopping, and we never went over our budget but kept it really simple.  
    edit: words

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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    What @downtondiva said is pretty much what we did. We nailed down the big things that we knew would make or break the night: music/dancing, good food & drinks, plenty of space in the venue & the guests. Once those big things were figured out and budgeted for, we fit all the other crap around it. I DIY'd our decorations BUT I love doing that stuff and had a bunch of craft supplies anyway. I saved a lot of that until the end-ish, and changed my plans or vision based on what I realllllly felt like doing. A lot of projects or details we initially thought of ended up being a huge NOPE and that's alright. We knew the major things were taken care of and guests would be hosted well. I can't tell you the color of the flowers or some of those other things anymore, but our families still tell us how much fun they had & how much they enjoyed the day. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie9c6405120df5fa80 said:
    I'm halfway through planning, and I'm just so stressed out over it all. It just sort of hit me that this is ONE DAY that I and my family are spending thousands of dollars on. I wish I could just elope with my fiance, but he really wants a wedding, and also I don't think we could even cancel it all at this point. I feel like there's something wrong with me - I thought I would be so excited to plan a wedding, but instead everything is overpriced and there are so many details to think about that I want to just throw it all out the window and go elope in Tahiti. Are you guys enjoying wedding planning? How do you get over these costs? I'm really trying to budget, but I feel like there's only so much I can do before I have to completely DIY it.
    I personally enjoyed wedding planning, BUT I will say there wasn't a ton I had to do. We had our ceremony and reception in the same place (at a mountain resort) and we mostly just had to pick out items we wanted. 
    I decided to skip flowers and was able to save a lot of money. My H and I made our own centerpieces. 
    As a PP mentioned, DIY can sometimes just mean more stress and more money. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think the most stressful part of planning was figuring out the budget and guest count. Once we knew how many people we had to host and how much money we had to do it, planning got way easier.  Like a PP, we chose an all-inclusive venue which made things way easier. 

    There's really great advice above about remembering what you NEED to have a wedding/reception. Also, I kept in mind that each person invited was someone that I, or at least my now-DH, would be willing to host for dinner for $xxx. (If we weren't willing to treat them to an expensive dinner at any other time, why were we inviting them to our wedding? That was our logic.)

    And again, the wedding industry will convince you that you need monogrammed napkins. You don't. We had super basic centerpieces that the venue provided, I had fake flower bouquets, my wedding dress was an off-the-rack evening gown. We plowed our money towards great food and top shelf bar- the things our guests would care about. Keep focused on what guests care about and you'll probably have more fun and be less stressed! 
    ________________________________


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  • ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    short+sassy said:

    One of the best ways to cut costs is to keep the guest list small.  Invite in circles.  I had a small wedding with 35 guests.  We invited immediate family, aunts and uncles, and a few close friends.  No first cousins.  And if we'd had a lot of aunts and uncles, we would have cut out that "circle" also.

    OP, I was of your mindset.  It's one day and I didn't want to spend more than $5K on a party.  I could have easily spent even less than that.  To me, it was even more enjoyable to spend time with only our nearest and dearest anyway.

    It seems like some brides come on here feeling pressured like they "have to" invite all these people.  You don't, other than always inviting the SO of your guests (if applicable).  Though, if you've already sent out Save the Dates or verbally invited people, those folks do need to be invited.


    Agree 100% We had only immediate family and friends capping it at 50 including us. It would have been very expensive to include all our Aunts/Uncles, cousins. Everyone understood. No one is entitled to an invite to a wedding.
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