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Save the dates rant

2019bride2019bride member
Name Dropper First Comment
in DIY Wedding Forum
i don’t know if this is the right title to post this under but long story short my fiancé and I are having our wedding at our church. About two months ago our pastor told us not to send our save the dates out yet because he has to confirm some things with the board members of the church. Now, as of today we still haven’t heard anything back from him about sending out our save the dates. We not too long ago received them and I’m worried our guests won’t have a fair enough notice of the wedding. It is 7 months away.!!!! What should I do? I feel as though we are at a stand still waiting on him! I don’t want to send them out and something come back where we can’t use the church that day. Ugh.
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Re: Save the dates rant

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    2019bride said:
    i don’t know if this is the right title to post this under but long story short my fiancé and I are having our wedding at our church. About two months ago our pastor told us not to send our save the dates out yet because he has to confirm some things with the board members of the church. Now, as of today we still haven’t heard anything back from him about sending out our save the dates. We not too long ago received them and I’m worried our guests won’t have a fair enough notice of the wedding. It is 7 months away.!!!! What should I do? I feel as though we are at a stand still waiting on him! I don’t want to send them out and something come back where we can’t use the church that day. Ugh.
    I would ask your pastor to confirm your date soon. Regardless of save the dates you want to make sure you don’t have to start looking for a ceremony vendor. The good thing is that STDs arent required. If you have a lot of out of town guests they’re helpful, but you don’t have to do them. I’d confirm thing with your pastor soon, but it’s definitely not too late to send STDs if that’s what you want to do. 
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    2019bride said:
    i don’t know if this is the right title to post this under but long story short my fiancé and I are having our wedding at our church. About two months ago our pastor told us not to send our save the dates out yet because he has to confirm some things with the board members of the church. Now, as of today we still haven’t heard anything back from him about sending out our save the dates. We not too long ago received them and I’m worried our guests won’t have a fair enough notice of the wedding. It is 7 months away.!!!! What should I do? I feel as though we are at a stand still waiting on him! I don’t want to send them out and something come back where we can’t use the church that day. Ugh.
    Unless you are inviting a lot of out of town guests, STD’s aren’t really necessary.  Is this a typical scenario when planning a wedding at your church?  Do you know what “things” need to be confirmed?  Are you asking for the ceremony to be performed on an unusual day or date?

    For a local wedding, 7 months still leaves plenty of time.  Many people cannot plan that far in advance, or ask to take time from work that far out.  In our parish, it is very common and wise to never lock anything into place until the church date has been confirmed.  However, it does not typically take two months for that to happen.
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    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    You don't have a date until you have a confirmed venue. So your STDs might be moot anyway, if the venue changes. Confirm the church in writing then send your save the dates. What is your Plan B if the vicar says the church can't be used?
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    ahoyweddingahoywedding member
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    First question, since you haven't heard from him in 2 months, did you follow up with your pastor? "Hey [pastor], you were going to confirm a couple details with the rest of the parish to make sure we could have our wedding on [x date]. Have you been able to do that? We'd like to move forward with the rest of our planning but we can't do that until we know our ceremony venue is finalized."

    I also hope you haven't planned everything else around that date yet, since it's not 100% finalized. Seven months is plenty of time for people to make travel plans. The majority of our guest list was OOT and we sent STDs around 5ish months out, which actually was a little early I think. If someone asks the date to start thinking about travel plans, you can say "We're waiting on the church to confirm, but right now we're aiming for [x date]." 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    7 months is fine for the STD, but what about your other vendors? Even if you're doing reception at the church as well, you've surely got a caterer, photographer, music, etc that need contracts. You can't get out of a catering contract because your pastor comes back in a month and tells you that you can't have that date.

    I would be on the phone with the church today getting the date confirmed, in writing. Is there something specific about your date that makes them think it won't be an option? If so, maybe it's best to go back to the calendar and get a date that the church can confirm. Or are they like this about everything? In that case, maybe you just need to book a backup ceremony venue. 
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    2019bride2019bride member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    Our wedding is on a Friday and our church has a school, I’m guessing these are the reasons why he has to go back and confirm things. I just didn’t think it will take two months to do that.

    I plan to have a face to face talk with him tomorrow. I can’t give vendors any information until I know for sure So like I said we’re at a stand still waiting on him. 

    I hate last minute things so I may consider another venue.
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    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    2019bride said:
    Our wedding is on a Friday and our church has a school, I’m guessing these are the reasons why he has to go back and confirm things. I just didn’t think it will take two months to do that.

    I plan to have a face to face talk with him tomorrow. I can’t give vendors any information until I know for sure So like I said we’re at a stand still waiting on him. 

    I hate last minute things so I may consider another venue.
    Do it- you need to at least start thinking of plan b. If he can't give you written confirmation tomorrow, move venues. Your vendors are going to get booked up soon and you might be left with second choice vendors too. 
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    2019bride said:
    Our wedding is on a Friday and our church has a school, I’m guessing these are the reasons why he has to go back and confirm things. I just didn’t think it will take two months to do that.

    I plan to have a face to face talk with him tomorrow. I can’t give vendors any information until I know for sure So like I said we’re at a stand still waiting on him. 

    I hate last minute things so I may consider another venue.
    Pastors also have a zillion things to think about, so following up is not a bad idea. I almost guarantee he's forgotten about it. I would have called about 5 weeks ago, and again two weeks ago if they still didn't know. But since that's not possible, just follow up now.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    I'm confused.  Are you wanting a church ceremony and referring to it as a venue, or are you also hoping to host your reception there as well?  Has any part of this church been confirmed?

    I do not know how your church works particularly, but does it not have some sort of office staff?  We almost never work with our pastor directly.  We speak to either the rectory, church or school office staff to get decisions for most things, as they "hold the keys" to all the coordinating schedules.

    I can understand if you are trying to orchestrate a reception at the church and it is taking time to lock in a date.  They may not have had a chance to determine all school sporting, extracurricular, and religious education calendars yet.  7 months out from your post also puts you into 2019, which could also make some church/school schedules difficult at this current time.  Organizations other than our own parish needs are also filled at our church.  That is a LOT of things/people to coordinate.

    It is frustrating to wait, and I understand.  See if there is someone else that can give you some answers.  However, as frustrating as it is, I would caution against going forward with other vendors unless/until you get written confirmation with your church.  That could and has created nightmares with brides in the past.
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    2019bride2019bride member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    We are having a church ceremony and are having the reception in the fellowship hall. Yes part of the church has been confirmed, he told us that our day isn’t booked and that we can get married on that day. 

    Now, what he have to confirm is how many chairs/tables we need, do we need to use the musician?, will I need a dressing room and how many people will be in there with me , etc.

    We also do not go to our pastor directly, he has an assistant so when we need something we go through her and she passes the information to him and vice versa. We do this until he’s ready to talk face to face because we are also doing pre marital counseling with him.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    2019bride said:
    We are having a church ceremony and are having the reception in the fellowship hall. Yes part of the church has been confirmed, he told us that our day isn’t booked and that we can get married on that day. 

    Now, what he have to confirm is how many chairs/tables we need, do we need to use the musician?, will I need a dressing room and how many people will be in there with me , etc.

    We also do not go to our pastor directly, he has an assistant so when we need something we go through her and she passes the information to him and vice versa. We do this until he’s ready to talk face to face because we are also doing pre marital counseling with him.
    If your ceremony and the ability to use the fellowship hall have been confirmed, that is all that is required for sending out STD's. 

    If you have made your guest list, it should be easy to determine the amount of tables and chairs you will require.  Are you using furnishings from the church or renting them from an outside vendor?  If you are using church furnishings, ask the office assistant the size of the tables and you should be able to make a determination from there.  Consider the need for additional tables and/or chairs for gifts, escort cards, photo books or other displays, cake, or simply to add decor.  If you have vendors, such as photographers, staying during the reception, make sure there is a space for them to eat.  Make the other decisions regarding musicians, and dressing room and give all the information at once. 

    Is there a chance you can speak with the music ministry directly?

    This is certainly not the first wedding at this church.  Let your office assistant aware of what you consider to be a final date for getting the remainder of the confirmations. 
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    2019bride2019bride member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    We was just skeptical about it as he did say wait until he get those other things confirmed. To me, his way is completely backwards as to him already telling us that our day isn’t booked and we can absolutely use that have that day but we still have to wait until he confirm more things. I feel he should’ve confirmed all those things before telling us we can have the church because now we just going back and forth and playing the waiting game. 

    We made our guest list and we know how many tables/chairs we will need. We are also using the furnishings from the church. 8 people per table. 

    We wont need the musicians as we are having our own pre recorded music. 
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