Dear Prudence,
I have an older sister who has been emotionally abusive since we were young. She does not look at me or speak to me even when directly addressed. I cannot recall more than five times in the last 10 years when she has said a normal word to me (she only acknowledges me when she wants to be suddenly and unreasonably cruel). I grew up believing there was something wrong with me because my sister didn’t love me, and I have struggled a lot in therapy with the fact that my parents witnessed her behavior—including a violent physical assault a few years ago—but never acted. I know I need to get back into therapy to deal with this, but my problem is what to tell people when they ask if I have siblings. If I say I don’t, which is basically the case since my sister has mostly refused to interact with me for over half of my life, I worry that I’m lying and that I may slip later and make it awkward.
People have sometimes ascribed “only-child symptoms” to me, which is also weird. My parents are divorced, and I have minimal contact with all of my family members ever since the assault. If I say that I do have a sister, people usually ask follow-up questions (what’s her job, how old is she, where does she live now), which are painful for me to answer. So how should I answer? I mostly want to avoid setting myself up to hear, “But family is the most important thing in the world” in response.
—Sort-Of Sister