Advice needed for a tricky conversation
Brand new around here, so pls excuse my lack of history.
I would very much appreciate some wording assistance with an etiquette issue I’ve recently stumbled upon. My best friend of 30 years passed away recently after a very long battle with cancer. She left two children, my goddaughters. The eldest one got engaged in December, and held an engagement party in January (I know, I know, people shouldn’t throw their own parties... but around here, it is very much the done thing so it didn’t raise any eyebrows).
Along with travelling a long distance to attend (8hr flight), I gave the couple a very generous gift voucher to the best restaurant in the city, so that they could enjoy a romantic evening out together, something the wouldn’t usually have the means to do.
- It’s been 5 months and I am still yet to receive a thank you card from my engagement gift. I haven’t even had a tagged pic on Facebook of her and her fiancé eating at the restaurant (if she hasn’t used it yet, she needs to urgently before the voucher expires)
- I never received my postal invitation to the engagement party, somehow mine got “lost in the post” (along with most of her aunts etc that I spoke to)
- I still don’t have a STD for her wedding (which I believe is sometime in Feb 2019?) , even though she has asked me for my address to mail it to me 3 times now. She expects me to fly over again, take a week off work, and contribute to the reception, but she hasn’t officially even told me the date yet!
I need to bring these up with her, as I am a bit hurt about the lack of an invitation to the past event, and the total absence of any kind of thank you for my gift. If I’m hurt, then others may well be too if she hasn’t sent out any thank you notes at all. If her mum were still with us, I’d have a frank chat with her and she’d raise the topic, but since she’s not here and there are no other women of esteem in her life who can navigate her through these life lessons, it really is up to me to guide her here, and help her to not offend any of her wedding guests.
My goddaughter is quite young and hasn’t been to any weddings herself, so this is all very new to her. I’m much older and wiser, and as her godmother I don’t want to hurt her, merely help and teach her... and she’s making such a godawful mess of things I just want to shake some sense into her, I just don’t know how without offending her.
I need her to listen and absorb instead of taking offence or getting defensive. Any hints or tips for me, of how I can raise it with her? Please no suggestions that I point her to an etiquette website or purchase her a book, she won’t listen/read on her own so I need to drive this myself...