Dear Prudence,
Last winter my daughter came to the conclusion that her career was stalled in her city, so she moved back in with us, and is working three jobs until she could get a place of her own. This seemed like a solid plan, and we support her in this decision. A couple of months ago, her partner joined her. Our daughter’s partner graduated from college a year ago and has been living in her parents’ house before moving into ours. She rarely leaves their shared bedroom, although my daughter tells us she is applying for jobs online. Polite, direct questioning prompts her to leave the room and angers my daughter. They are planning on moving into a place of their own, possibly as soon as next month, and I’m concerned. The fact that my daughter is pretty obviously going to be supporting both of them seems like a foolish plan, but there doesn’t seem to be much we can do about it, apart from expressing our concerns to her. My concern is that her partner’s behavior looks to me like a mental health issue, and I feel as though my wife and I should be doing something to encourage her to seek help. As I see it she is a household member, and we have some duty to help her. Should we stay out of it?
—Trainwreck Imminent