Dear Prudence,
I have been with my husband for seven years and we have been married for a little less than one. He is the love of my life and we have a lot in common but there is one thing we cannot seem to agree on. A couple of times a month, I like to go out with my friends dancing or to a bar, generally from about 9 p.m. until after midnight. My husband says this is inappropriate for a married woman. We’re all in our late 20s and early 30s. It’s a mostly female group, but our male friends are invited and often come as well. Most of us are in long-term relationships and we mostly enjoy each other’s company, dance, drink, play games, and so on. I’ve invited my husband but he doesn’t like to be up and out late and when he does come he becomes a wet mop, telling me to stop dancing, counting my drinks, and pushing to leave early. Here’s the solution we’ve settled on: I go out, he stays home, we agree on when I’ll be home and roughly how many drinks I will have, and I make sure I’m reachable at all times. Prudie, my parents trusted me enough not to give me a curfew when I was a teenager! Despite this arrangement, my husband’s mood often sours before I leave and stays bad through the following day, and the haggling over the terms of my hanging out feels like a fight we keep repeating with no resolution.
I’ve asked what he doesn’t like about my going out and whether he worries I’m going to cheat on him. He says he doesn’t—he just thinks it’s “inappropriate.” He doesn’t mind when I go out to brunch with friends or other daytime activities. My thoughts are that I am not doing anything wrong, and I should be able to go out with my friends without feeling like I need to abide by his rules. He thinks I need to stop “acting like I’m single.” Am I wrong?
—Inappropriate Wife Behavior