Wishing Wells: To Include or Not to Include with Invites??

TrixieJess · September 2018

jpandsc said:

I've done more research in Australian and even Canadian wedding forums and just so you are all aware, the general consensus is that Wishing Well culture in these parts of the world are both normal, acceptable and totally fine - and that guests are more than happy and never offended. According to these other forums, it is just USA brides that seem to think it's tacky and the Aussie's are as baffled as I am. As you can see from just a small sample of the comments I've found and shared below, no one seems to think it's an issue so I'll be trusting my gut in this case.

In addition, my family is of European descent, and traditionally - for generations - the bride would walk around the wedding during a song with a bag and family members would put cash into the bag. Gift Registries were never a part of this culture. So, I think those are important considerations for you USA brides when talking to people of different cultures/customs in this forum. Personally, I don't see how making a store registry and asking for specific gifts from $20-$2000 is any better or more polite than asking for a wishing well contribution IF they choose, at their discretion. But who knows; maybe that's just a cultural thing, as the comments below imply.

MsChandler: Another Kiwi bride here (well grew up in Auckland, now live in & getting married in Melbourne). I think you’ll find the attitude toward gift registries & wishing wells is HUGELY different between us and the USA. I was actually shocked to find out that registries are frowned on in the USA! lol!

amyinbrisbane: Yes and expect this thread to be deleted… Americans HATE wishing well discussions… I was also shocked to learn about that! It’s not like our cultures are poles apart.

goingtotherooftopoflove: Nice to see another baffled Aussie bride It’s peculiar, isn’t it?! lol

xoCATox: I don’t know about New Zealand, but in Australia wishing wells are all the rage right now. The last 3 – 4 weddings I’ve been to have asked for cash or vouchers. I think it’s totally fine, and personally would rather give the couple money instead of buying them useless things they don’t want/need. In my culture, people usually gift money. My FI’s family is fine with gifts of cash. And many of our friends asked for cash gifts as well, so we know nobody will have an issue! All of the venues we’ve looked at even have their own selection of wishing wells you can use, it’s become that commonplace!

Lollybags: Wishing wells are super popular in Australia now (more so than registries) and very few people are offended by them, think them tacky or that the recipients are ‘bludgers’.

I’m Canadian and have never heard of Wishing Wells. I think asking for cash is tacky, yet we regularly give a couple hundred dollars and a card at weddings. It’s the norm here.

missJeanLouise · September 2018

jpandsc said:

Hi All,

I'm looking for some feedback on what you - as other brides and guests - think on this issue.

My FH and I want to have a wishing well for our wedding because:
1) we're having two weddings - one here in Canada and one in Australia (where I am from) and would love a little financial help with out trip to see my family
2) traveling between Canada and Australia with gifts is just too hard/expensive, and;
3) because we already live together and have all we need (and are minimalists).

So - the big question is: Should we include a discreet and separate wishing well card with our invites that let guests know we are collecting a wishing well IF they choose to participate as a preference over any gifts guests MAY want to give.

I've read so many articles about it and some people say it is incredibly rude and tacky, while others say it's totally normal and acceptable and that guests prefer to know if you don't want physical gifts, the same why a registry can make gift-giving easier. I'm curious as to what other B&G's have done, and your thoughts on this as someone receiving the invite.

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks!

Ask and you shall receive.

General consensus is.... *drum roll* don’t do it. Because it is inappropriate to directly ask for money. People know you do not live in AUS and will not give you a waffle iron with the wrong plug. And if they do, you will return it. No big deal.

You came here looking for validation. No one was rude to you, we just didn’t give you what you wanted. You have read articles that stated people think it is tacky and guess what? I am one of those people. I moved abroad shortly after my wedding and all my guests knew this was happening so they gave us cash or checks. We didn’t have to tell anyone that was our preference, it is common sense.

ernursej · September 2018

I was just in Australia for a wedding for an Aussie/Kiwi couple (bride is from Melbourne, groom from Christchurch) and they did not include anything regarding wishing wells or asks for money. Could just be my experience but this is the third Aussie wedding I've been invited to in the last two years and not one has included anything regarding wishing wells or money asks.

TrixieJess · September 2018

jpandsc said:

I've done more research in Australian and even Canadian wedding forums and just so you are all aware, the general consensus is that Wishing Well culture in these parts of the world are both normal, acceptable and totally fine - and that guests are more than happy and never offended. According to these other forums, it is just USA brides that seem to think it's tacky and the Aussie's are as baffled as I am. As you can see from just a small sample of the comments I've found and shared below, no one seems to think it's an issue so I'll be trusting my gut in this case.

In addition, my family is of European descent, and traditionally - for generations - the bride would walk around the wedding during a song with a bag and family members would put cash into the bag. Gift Registries were never a part of this culture. So, I think those are important considerations for you USA brides when talking to people of different cultures/customs in this forum. Personally, I don't see how making a store registry and asking for specific gifts from $20-$2000 is any better or more polite than asking for a wishing well contribution IF they choose, at their discretion. But who knows; maybe that's just a cultural thing, as the comments below imply.

MsChandler: Another Kiwi bride here (well grew up in Auckland, now live in & getting married in Melbourne). I think you’ll find the attitude toward gift registries & wishing wells is HUGELY different between us and the USA. I was actually shocked to find out that registries are frowned on in the USA! lol!

amyinbrisbane: Yes and expect this thread to be deleted… Americans HATE wishing well discussions… I was also shocked to learn about that! It’s not like our cultures are poles apart.

goingtotherooftopoflove: Nice to see another baffled Aussie bride It’s peculiar, isn’t it?! lol

xoCATox: I don’t know about New Zealand, but in Australia wishing wells are all the rage right now. The last 3 – 4 weddings I’ve been to have asked for cash or vouchers. I think it’s totally fine, and personally would rather give the couple money instead of buying them useless things they don’t want/need. In my culture, people usually gift money. My FI’s family is fine with gifts of cash. And many of our friends asked for cash gifts as well, so we know nobody will have an issue! All of the venues we’ve looked at even have their own selection of wishing wells you can use, it’s become that commonplace!

Lollybags: Wishing wells are super popular in Australia now (more so than registries) and very few people are offended by them, think them tacky or that the recipients are ‘bludgers’.

I’m Canadian and have never heard of Wishing Wells. I think asking for cash is tacky, yet we regularly give a couple hundred dollars and a card at weddings. It’s the norm.

stillcovejack · December 2018

No. Don't do that. In case anyone is lurking or searched "wishing wells", no don't do that.

Wishing Wells: To Include or Not to Include with Invites??

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