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Divorced Parents Budget Issues

knottieb64550438b26148fknottieb64550438b26148f member
in Wedding Woes
Hi All,

My parents are having some disagreements over the budget for my FI and mine's wedding. For context, our budget is pretty close to national average, perhaps a little below. My Dad and FMIL both agreed that we shouldn't have to pay for the wedding, but my Mom isn't able to contribute as much to the wedding as either of them. Dad has already said he will cover whatever she isn't able to, but I'm worried that she will feel embarrassed since she isn't contributing as much. I have told her that It isn't about the money, and I am grateful for whatever she is able to contribute, but I am worried that it will cause tension between all of the parents.

For a bit of background, my Dad and FMIL get along great, but my mom doesn't have a close relationship with either my Dad of FMIL. I just don't want her to feel left out, embarrassed, or unvalued.

Also, we did talk our parents into letting us cover the photographer and stationary costs for the wedding, so we are contributing some, but it isn't the bulk of the costs. 
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Re: Divorced Parents Budget Issues

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    OK - normally I would not get into asking this but it sounds like FOB and MOG have talked about this.   Instead, if they are offering to spend money here then can you ask if there is a figure that they are comfortable spending and if you can count on that?  If they're not likely to yank the funds out from under you then THAT is your budget - not a budget you created. 

    Then leave your mom out of this.  I think it's probably bests to not share what each person is giving and instead if they're able to commit to a figure work with that and budget.   Mom shouldn't know what dad is giving, Dad shouldn't know what Mom is giving and MOG should not know the same things either. 

    Then that's the way you move forward.   I think it's best to not share details w/ the sets of parents.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    CharmedPam said:
    Instead of "mom you can contribute $____ and Dad and FMIL you can contribute $___"  can you split the items?  "mom you really don't have to contribute anything, but if you'd like, can you get the centerpieces?" etc. etc.

    I agree with this.  If you haven't already, find out what your mom is very comfortable contributing.  And then chose some item(s) that fall under that budget.

    If they think about it, I'm sure your mom, dad, and FMIL could figure out that your mom's financial contribution was less than theirs.  But it at least makes it less obvious than, "Okay, total reception cost is $25K.  Dad and FMIL, my Mom can only contribute $5K, so $10K each, from you all."  I know you wouldn't say it that crass, lol.  But that is essentially what everyone could easily figure out.

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