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Small Vent

ernursejernursej member
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in Wedding Woes

Attending a good friends' wedding on Saturday and found out through the groom that they are actually getting married on the Friday in a private ceremony and then doing a re-enactment on the Saturday. No one else knows. I wasn't prying but he offered out that a mutual friend was doing the ceremony and I said how neat it was that he had found a way to become a JP in our province (not an easy thing to do). When he said that he wasn't legally marrying them, it all came spilling out.

I'm a bit peeved that they are pulling a re-enactment and hoping that people don't notice that their friend is performing the ceremony. Anyone who has been married in our province will know he isn't legally able to do the ceremony and may have the same question.

For any lurkers, don't do this! People find out and it is not worth it! I would have preferred that they just did the private ceremony on the Friday and then we celebrated on the Saturday vs. seeing a re-enactment.

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Re: Small Vent

  • ernursejernursej member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    Why do a reenactment at all?!   Just have the party on Saturday and explain the ceremony is happening privately on Friday.

    Most ceremonies I've sat through (or if in the WP, stood through), I've been thinking about what I'm going to order from the bar first when I get to the reception...or if the food is going to be any good.  ;) 

    I'd be annoyed too.  :/ 


    That is what my husband and I said. While we would both enjoying seeing the real thing, if they truly wanted a private ceremony, we would have been happy to hear that is what they did and just attend a celebration party. So frustrating.


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I find this so, so annoying. We attended a wedding last month, and my H told me that they married the year before. I had no idea, and he told me this a few days before the wedding. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    WTH?!?  It makes absolutely no sense at all.  What reason do they even have for doing this?  If they're doing a fake ceremony the next day in front of everyone, then why not just make it the real deal?

    I would be annoyed and side-eyed if I traveled locally for a "wedding" like this.  Not because I wouldn't have still gone, but because it's messed up to dupe your friends and family.  But if I had spent a bunch of money on a hotel room and flights.  Just to attend what turned out to be someone's party and not a wedding.  I would be absolutely livid.

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    short+sassy said:

    WTH?!?  It makes absolutely no sense at all.  What reason do they even have for doing this?  If they're doing a fake ceremony the next day in front of everyone, then why not just make it the real deal?

    I would be annoyed and side-eyed if I traveled locally for a "wedding" like this.  Not because I wouldn't have still gone, but because it's messed up to dupe your friends and family.  But if I had spent a bunch of money on a hotel room and flights.  Just to attend what turned out to be someone's party and not a wedding.  I would be absolutely livid.

    I might've not gone. You made me think I was invited to a WEDDING. I made you think I'm attending! Haha! 

    Yeah ERNJ that's crap. I hate how people put their pretty pretty visions above the actual legal commitment they're making.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    That’s so annoying. If I’m spending the time, effort, and money to go to a wedding I want to see the real deal. 


    image
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    One of H's cousins did this a few years ago. Basically, he was Catholic, she was not and it was super important to him to get married in the church, and super important to her to get married at the same place as the reception. Most people would have booked a church hall right? No, they got real married on Friday night in church with just the bridal party, immediate family, then had a dinner. Very much like a rehearsal setup, except it was legal. Then fake got married the next day with the dress and aisle and dances and stuff. His family still doesn't understand why I thought that was so tacky. Sorry you were duped ERNJ, that really sucks.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    edited September 2018
    I'd need to know what the bar scene was like before I committed after finding that out.  Because now you're making me choose where to party.

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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
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    We just went to a DW that was the same! Our state doesn't totally recognize online ordinations (like, they can sign the marriage certificate but not all counties recognize that as valid or something). We found out like the day before the wedding that the couple had gone to city hall a few days earlier so that the groom's brother could preside over the fake ceremony.

    (This was also the one with the rules similar to the post on CC so I was beyond thrilled.)
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  • ernursejernursej member
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    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    You should greet them ahead of the wedding and scream congratulations.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    This is BS.  You can get licenses to marry super easy anymore and every state takes at least one of the online things.  Some of them only require a notary and it's cheap-o to become a notary.  
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    VarunaTT said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    This is BS.  You can get licenses to marry super easy anymore and every state takes at least one of the online things.  Some of them only require a notary and it's cheap-o to become a notary.  
    I think Ernursej lives in Canada so I’m not sure what the requirements are there. But in the US, 100% a load of crap excuse. 


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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    VarunaTT said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    This is BS.  You can get licenses to marry super easy anymore and every state takes at least one of the online things.  Some of them only require a notary and it's cheap-o to become a notary.  
    She mentioned province, and I believe she's in Canada, not the states. Also, I'm not sure your information is accurate. From my googling, Virginia and Tennessee and possibly others don't recognize online ordinations. And apparently, weddings by online ordained people have been invalidated by courts before, including in New Hork. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    There's one church that is recognized in all 50 states, I just can't remember the name.  You can also become a Humanist Celebrant for a day and that is recognized in all 50 states.  The issues are not necessarily the online ordinations, but some counties are trying to make keep the licenses tied churches (they can't get around allowing a judge to do it, but they sure would if they could).

    Internationally, I have no idea.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    VarunaTT said:
    There's one church that is recognized in all 50 states, I just can't remember the name.  You can also become a Humanist Celebrant for a day and that is recognized in all 50 states.  The issues are not necessarily the online ordinations, but some counties are trying to make keep the licenses tied churches (they can't get around allowing a judge to do it, but they sure would if they could).

    Internationally, I have no idea.
    Unitarian Universalist? 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    @mrsconn23 I feel like it's tied into UU, but I honestly can't remember.  I stopped keeping up on all of this and let my Celebrant license expire during my divorce, b/c yeah...not a great head space to be doing wedding ceremonies in and never got calls for funerals or other things.
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  • ernursejernursej member
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    banana468 said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    You should greet them ahead of the wedding and scream congratulations.


    I'm not that kind of person. I let him know when we had the conversation that I was disappointed but I won't do something like that :)


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  • ernursejernursej member
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    edited September 2018
    VarunaTT said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    This is BS.  You can get licenses to marry super easy anymore and every state takes at least one of the online things.  Some of them only require a notary and it's cheap-o to become a notary.  


    In Alberta (province in Canada) the only people that can perform civil ceremonies are licensed JPs (marriage commissioner officially) and it is actually quite hard to get that qualification. If you don't like the JP route then you get to go to a church. 

    http://www.servicealberta.gov.ab.ca/Find-a-marriage-officiant.cfm

    http://www.servicealberta.gov.ab.ca/become-a-marriage-commissioner.cfm

    *edit for additional link for clarity

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    ernursej said:
    banana468 said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    You should greet them ahead of the wedding and scream congratulations.


    I'm not that kind of person. I let him know when we had the conversation that I was disappointed but I won't do something like that :)


    I get it.   I attended a wedding where I knew the couple was already married and vented a lot to DH and then kept my mouth shut. 

    While annoyed it was a beautiful wedding, I'm legitimately happy for them and think that they're great.   I just didn't like that one detail. 
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  • ernursejernursej member
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    thisismynickname2 said:
    ernursej said:
    The reason for doing this is they didn't feel a connection with any of the JPs and wanted the ceremony (the fake one) to be done by someone they knew. It is just really unfortunate and I hope that more people don't find out and are upset.
    But... someone with whom they don't have a connection to actually did marry them. 

    This is so dumb. 

    Oh I know! I'm guessing they are always going to think of Saturday as the day they got married vs. the binding ceremony on the Friday. It also irritates me because so many people have had to fight for the right to marry. This shits all over that.
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
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    The last wedding I went to was like that.  They wanted their friend to marry them and figured out too late that he couldn't.  The they decided last minute to get married the day before and had a fake ceremony on the original date.  We knew going in, as we're related, but most of the guests didn't. 

    We're a messing Alberta for weddings.  A standard wedding always has a 3-5 hour gap, cash or townie bar, registry info in the invite, everyone brings their gift too the reception to drop it off.  I think it happens so often, that everyone assumes it's the way to go.  People were shocked we had an open bar.  I guess we're rich!!  LOL  You can find good etiquette approved ones, but the majority follow the format above

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    WinstonsGirl said:
    The last wedding I went to was like that.  They wanted their friend to marry them and figured out too late that he couldn't.  The they decided last minute to get married the day before and had a fake ceremony on the original date.  We knew going in, as we're related, but most of the guests didn't. 

    We're a messing Alberta for weddings.  A standard wedding always has a 3-5 hour gap, cash or townie bar, registry info in the invite, everyone brings their gift too the reception to drop it off.  I think it happens so often, that everyone assumes it's the way to go.  People were shocked we had an open bar.  I guess we're rich!!  LOL  You can find good etiquette approved ones, but the majority follow the format above
    So funny!  When I married, we had the typical "Chicago" wedding of a plated and seated dinner.  My husband, whose family is from northern Wisconsin, was accustomed to having a "come one, come all, free buffet but cash bar" reception. 

    Not only did husband's family think my family was wealthy (so far from fact), one aunt/uncle just assumed their SEVEN children were invited and brought them ALL!  My mother was shocked, to say the least!  I have never seen an additional table set up so fast!
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  • ernursejernursej member
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    WinstonsGirl said:
    The last wedding I went to was like that.  They wanted their friend to marry them and figured out too late that he couldn't.  The they decided last minute to get married the day before and had a fake ceremony on the original date.  We knew going in, as we're related, but most of the guests didn't. 

    We're a messing Alberta for weddings.  A standard wedding always has a 3-5 hour gap, cash or townie bar, registry info in the invite, everyone brings their gift too the reception to drop it off.  I think it happens so often, that everyone assumes it's the way to go.  People were shocked we had an open bar.  I guess we're rich!!  LOL  You can find good etiquette approved ones, but the majority follow the format above

    Yup! We had an open bar and no gap and people were surprised we weren't concerned with people getting drunk and with how we got all our pictures done. sigh
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