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They're all monsters

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I just found out my mother has been telling her family about our private conversations and my most sensitive secrets. It took me decades to get the courage to tell her about the abuse I experienced while in foster care until I was 11. From ages 6 to 9, I was sometimes put in diapers as punishment even though I had no issues with incontinence. I was kept in them all day while everyone laughed and call me a baby. The shame made me keep it a secret all these years. I finally got the courage to tell my mother what happened, and she told her brothers and sisters. Now they chuckle and make sly remarks whenever they see me. I’m so devastated and ashamed I often cry. Though I no longer confide in my mother, I can’t take this secret back. What can I do to stop the humiliating teasing from my relatives?

—Mother Embarrassed Me
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Re: They're all monsters

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    banana468banana468 member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    Dear Prudence,

    I just found out my mother has been telling her family about our private conversations and my most sensitive secrets. It took me decades to get the courage to tell her about the abuse I experienced while in foster care until I was 11. From ages 6 to 9, I was sometimes put in diapers as punishment even though I had no issues with incontinence. I was kept in them all day while everyone laughed and call me a baby. The shame made me keep it a secret all these years. I finally got the courage to tell my mother what happened, and she told her brothers and sisters. Now they chuckle and make sly remarks whenever they see me. I’m so devastated and ashamed I often cry. Though I no longer confide in my mother, I can’t take this secret back. What can I do to stop the humiliating teasing from my relatives?

    —Mother Embarrassed Me
    You stop seeing those relatives.    Should you want to have the last word then give them a stone-faced response that laughing at trauma isn't funny.  

    But frankly all of those people sound toxic.  So rather than trying to get them to change expect them to be the same and don't put yourself in their presence.
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    How old is this LW?? I’m really hoping they’re, at least, an adult. But if they’re still a child/teenager this is even more awful. If that’s the case I’d say talk to a teacher you can trust and ask for help on how to talk to Mom. What the Mom did is wrong and I think it’s awful she’s letting the siblings/relatives tease LW is just plain wrong. 

    If LW is an adult? Cut these people out because they’re horrible. 
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Gee, huge shock that LW was removed from her mother and placed in foster care. The mother sucks at life.

    I vote cut ties, assuming LW is an adult. 
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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    LW mentions it took her decades, so I'd assume at least late 20s.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    Gee, huge shock that LW was removed from her mother and placed in foster care. The mother sucks at life.

    I vote cut ties, assuming LW is an adult. 

    Exactly my thoughts.

    And these are the aunts and uncles who didn't step in to care for the LW when he/she was a child either.  Not that I think aunts/uncles are necessarily obligated to, but still.

    I wonder if the LW still keeps in touch with the kind of people who find child abuse funny, because he/she probably yearned so much for a family growing up.  That, in their mind, even a horrible family is better than no family.  It just makes my heart break for them even more.  

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    kerbohlkerbohl member
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    Did the mother tell the story wrong? Because I do not understand the reaction of these aunts and uncles  - their niece was forced to be humiliated as a punishment, and they are making comments like she was having accidents at that age? And even if they were told that their niece had bladder issues as an older child, they are joking about it?  How is that funny to an adult? I do not see a single way in which they are not horrible people for doing this. 

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    baconsmombaconsmom member
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    DTMFsA DTMFsA DTMFsA

    Sorry, nope, they're all assholes, cut em off. Find people who will be kind to you when they care for you. Trust me, life is FAR too short to put up with any of that. 
    image
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    GBCKGBCK member
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    THis is why family as who you're related to is a shitty construct.
    Family isn't always worth keeping.

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    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You know, I like to believe there is good in most people deep down, but here: nope, not a chance. I can't think of any situation in which someone confided deeply painful, traumatising childhood severe abuse and the response is to laugh and gossip. They are utter rubbish, garbage humans. The end. 
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    edited September 2018
    VarunaTT said:
    LW mentions it took her decades, so I'd assume at least late 20s.
    Yup. Complete reading fail on my end. 
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
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    edited September 2018
    Cut ties with these people. It's not worth having relationships with people who are amused by suffering and abuse.
    image
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Holy shit. How awful. Another vote for cutting ties with these awful people. 
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    There's enough shi**y people in that person's experience to go around... Cut them ALL off!!!  There's a reason she was in foster care away from her Mom in the first place, and the rest solidifies "These are not people who will foster healthy relationships, mourn the relationship you wish you had LW, and get TF away from these people and never associate with them ever again, become a millionaire and amazing parent to your own children or adopted ones should you choose to have them, and leave those people out of the beautiful and grandiose life you create for yourself instead!"
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Cut them off. Why would you want to maintain relationships with people who think the abuse you suffered is something to laugh about...or to gossip about after you begged them not to tell?
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