Are you really obsessing about this?

mrsconn23 · October 2018

Dear Prudence,

I have a cat. She is the first pet I’ve ever had and has been with me for five years. This might sound sad, but she is my rock. Through breakups, moves, and family illness, she has been with me through thick and thin. I am single, so I love having something to come home to and take care of that accepts me unconditionally. All of this to say, I do not know how to handle the devastating eventuality that one day she will die. I’m afraid that it will destroy me. With no previous experience of a pet, I don’t know how to cope with this at all. Is there a way to pre-emptively prepare myself? I would like to just not think about it and enjoy the many years I have with her, but I am also afraid that if I don’t learn how to deal with it now, I won’t be able to in the future.

—Cat Lady

banana468 · October 2018

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

I have a cat. She is the first pet I’ve ever had and has been with me for five years. This might sound sad, but she is my rock. Through breakups, moves, and family illness, she has been with me through thick and thin. I am single, so I love having something to come home to and take care of that accepts me unconditionally. All of this to say, I do not know how to handle the devastating eventuality that one day she will die. I’m afraid that it will destroy me. With no previous experience of a pet, I don’t know how to cope with this at all. Is there a way to pre-emptively prepare myself? I would like to just not think about it and enjoy the many years I have with her, but I am also afraid that if I don’t learn how to deal with it now, I won’t be able to in the future.

—Cat Lady

You need to understand that if life works the way it normally does then you will most likely outlive your cat.

Perhaps some grief books are in order?? I wonder if LW has experienced the death of anyone.

Ro041 · October 2018

You have about 15 years to come to terms with it. Maybe get another cat in about 5 years so you still have one when the first one dies?

charlotte989875 · October 2018

So maybe this is weird but sometimes (not often) I think “oh it’s going to be so sad when the pets die because I love them so much”.

But then I find them, pet them, and force affection on them and then I’m not sad anymore.

cupcait927 · October 2018

H will get like this about our dog. We've had him for 4 years and H will get upset when he thinks about Fred eventually passing away. It's 100% a symptom of his anxiety. My H struggles with some pretty severe anxiety and Fred has helped tremendously with that, however it's a double-edged sword because now he can't imagine life without the dog and how he will cope. It sounds like LW probably suffers from some anxiety and the grief over the cat dying is really a deeper issue that therapy can help with.

levioosa · October 2018

charlotte989875 said:

So maybe this is weird but sometimes (not often) I think “oh it’s going to be so sad when the pets die because I love them so much”.

But then I find them, pet them, and force affection on them and then I’m not sad anymore.

I think about this too, but I've also experience significant losses in my life and I know I will be able to handle it. I haven't loved a pet like I love Aurora in a long time, so sometimes it hits me that she won't be there forever and I get really sad for a moment. Thinking about mortality in any context of a living thing you love can be shockingly sad. But if LW is obsessing over it, therapy and counseling on how to process grief might not be the worst idea.

ShesSoCold · October 2018

cupcait927 said:

H will get like this about our dog. We've had him for 4 years and H will get upset when he thinks about Fred eventually passing away. It's 100% a symptom of his anxiety. My H struggles with some pretty severe anxiety and Fred has helped tremendously with that, however it's a double-edged sword because now he can't imagine life without the dog and how he will cope. It sounds like LW probably suffers from some anxiety and the grief over the cat dying is really a deeper issue that therapy can help with.

So, this is me exactly. And thank you for putting into words what I was thinking/feeling so well.

Edna is my first "real" dog (the dog that died 6 months after moving in with us and the dog we got rid of after 6 months of biting everyone when I was 8 don't count) and I love her tremendously. I cry even thinking about her dying. But it's all anxiety. I just have to keep telling myself that I need to enjoy her while she's here and to deal with it when the time comes. I'll be absolutely completely devastated when her time comes, but that shouldn't stop me from enjoying her now.

short+sassy · October 2018

cupcait927 said:

H will get like this about our dog. We've had him for 4 years and H will get upset when he thinks about Fred eventually passing away. It's 100% a symptom of his anxiety. My H struggles with some pretty severe anxiety and Fred has helped tremendously with that, however it's a double-edged sword because now he can't imagine life without the dog and how he will cope. It sounds like LW probably suffers from some anxiety and the grief over the cat dying is really a deeper issue that therapy can help with.

That's a great observation.

Like other PPs have mentioned, it's normal to have moments of sadness thinking about the loss of a pet, even if it is probably many years in the future. But it shouldn't leave her with such worry in the present time.

I like the suggestions of finding a good book on grief, possibly with an emphasis on "how to go on..." I wouldn't be surprised if there are books specifically about the grief of losing a pet.

I think getting another cat as her current one starts getting along in years would also be helpful. My friend adopted two litter mates years ago. When the first one died, she adopted a kitten. The second litter mate died about a year later. It helped with her grief to still have a cat she loved, to come to home to.

This might be counterintuitive and not work for everyone, but I find it really helpful to picture what my future life will look like in a "worst case scenario" (this is when I'm making a big decision) or what my future life will look like when "Y" happens.

She should picture her life after her cat passes. Picture snapshots of her typical day. Going to work. Boring budget meeting. Picking up groceries on the way home. Getting home and...some sadness her cat isn't there...but she puts away the groceries. Makes dinner and watches the latest episode of Survivor. Whatever she normally does. In other words, picture herself surviving and doing just fine.

maine7mob · October 2018

Also throwing down the therapy card here. I'm wondering if the LW has undiagnosed anxiety disorder. Doomsday scenarios are a huge part of that. You're engaged but instead of enjoying the time, you live in dread that your fiance will be killed. You're planning an extended trip to Europe, but you don't believe you'll get there because the plane will crash. Anxious people always have intrusive thoughts like this.

LondonLisa · October 2018

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't about the cat.

STARMOON44 · October 2018

I just. I can’t. My mom passed away last week. And I’m surviving. Because I must. Like everyone who goes through a loss, which we all do at some point. Yes. You will clearly survive the loss of a cat. It will be sad and horrible and yet still you’ll get through it.

banana468 · October 2018

STARMOON44 said:

I just. I can’t. My mom passed away last week. And I’m surviving. Because I must. Like everyone who goes through a loss, which we all do at some point. Yes. You will clearly survive the loss of a cat. It will be sad and horrible and yet still you’ll get through it.

I'm so sorry @STARMOON44. My condolences for your loss.

levioosa · October 2018

I'm so sorry @STARMOON44.

maine7mob · October 2018

I am so sorry @STARMOON44.

short+sassy · October 2018

@STARMOON44, I am so sorry to hear that! ((hugs)). My condolences to you and your family.

Ro041 · October 2018

I am so sorry @STARMOON44. Sending you all the good vibes.

mrsconn23 · October 2018

OMG @STARMOON44. I am so very sorry for your loss. Vibes for peace and comfort.

ei34 · October 2018

I’m so sorry to hear @STARMOON44. I know you’d mentioned that she was ill, I was wondering the other day how she was. Sending positive vibes.

charlotte989875 · October 2018

Oh @STARMOON44, I’m so so sorry. Thinking about you and sending you all the good thoughts. Take care of yourself.

Casadena · October 2018

Thinking about you @STARMOON44, I am so sorry for your loss.

STARMOON44 · October 2018

Oh my goodness thank you all so much for the good wishes. It’s been hard for me to tell people, so it’s nice to be able to share with such a warm group of people.

mrsconn23 · October 2018

@STARMOON44 we're here for you.

Take care of yourself.

LondonLisa · October 2018

Oh @STARMOON44 massive hugs. I am so sorry to hear this. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

MesmrEwe · October 2018

@STARMOON44 Thoughts and healing energies to you and yours!

ShesSoCold · October 2018

Oh, no, Starmoon, I am so sorry. You're in my thoughts. I wish there was more I could say.

flantastic · October 2018

Oh @STARMOON44. I'm so sorry.

sparklepants41 · October 2018

I just saw this, @STARMOON44. Hugs for you - I'm so sorry.

climbingsingle · October 2018

@STARMOON44 I'm so sorry about your mom.

ILoveBeachMusic · October 2018

@STARMOON44 I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Peace to you and your family.

NOLABridesmaid · October 2018

STARMOON, I'm so sorry for your loss.

NowIAmSyp · October 2018

charlotte989875 said:

So maybe this is weird but sometimes (not often) I think “oh it’s going to be so sad when the pets die because I love them so much”.

But then I find them, pet them, and force affection on them and then I’m not sad anymore.

LOL @ the bolded- reminds me of this:
Image result for force affection on pets meme

And my condolences to you, Starmoon.... I'm so sorry

Are you really obsessing about this?

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