Planning an elopement?

tinigettingmarried · October 2018

We're basically planning an elopement - we're getting legally married on a sandy beach in St. Thomas and bringing two witnesses (his brother, my best friend). Here's the question though - when do you tell family, especially if they aren't invited?

eta: We will be throwing a reception as a chance for everyone to celebrate with us a few months after the wedding - no gifts, just a big party. We're keeping the wedding itself small because a) we can't afford to fly/house the whole family and b) they can't afford to fly/stay either.

ShesSoCold · October 2018

Knottie1426705115 said:

We're basically planning an elopement - we're getting legally married on a sandy beach in St. Thomas and bringing two witnesses (his brother, my best friend). Here's the question though - when do you tell family, especially if they aren't invited?

eta: We will be throwing a reception as a chance for everyone to celebrate with us a few months after the wedding - no gifts, just a big party. We're keeping the wedding itself small because a) we can't afford to fly/house the whole family and b) they can't afford to fly/stay either.

SITB

So, to answer your question, it depends on your relationship with you families. If you're somewhat close, I think the sooner the better. If not or if there will be crazy drama, it might be better to tell them afterwards. H and I had planned a very small DW and we told our families right away what our plans were, so they wouldn't get all excited and call Great Aunt Beulah to talk about it.

And I would try not to call the party later a "reception". A reception is only immediately after the wedding itself and I think using that word will make people think it's another wedding or something. I would just call it a party and avoid anything wedding-ey.

tinigettingmarried · October 2018

Ah, thank you! I want to make sure that everyone is taken care of and happy. I will definitely have to change my thinking from "reception" to "party" though.

My whole family is LDS (Mormon) except for me so it's pretty common for only specific people to be able to attend the wedding itself, and then have a reception later that night or the next day. A few months is a different animal though, definitely.

This is something completely different than anyone in either of our families have done so I might be on here a lot!

MobKaz · October 2018

tinigettingmarried said:

We're basically planning an elopement - we're getting legally married on a sandy beach in St. Thomas and bringing two witnesses (his brother, my best friend). Here's the question though - when do you tell family, especially if they aren't invited?

eta: We will be throwing a reception as a chance for everyone to celebrate with us a few months after the wedding - no gifts, just a big party. We're keeping the wedding itself small because a) we can't afford to fly/house the whole family and b) they can't afford to fly/stay either.

Technically, if you elope, you don't tell anyone until AFTER the fact. This is done to avoid drama or pressure to change your plans.

If you tell family prior to actually eloping, will they try to convince you to change your plans? You need to be prepared for any comments/discussion/arm twisting if you tell them ahead of your elopement.

You can send out wedding announcements once you return from your trip. If you have plans set, I don't see why you couldn't include an invitation to a "Meet the Newlyweds" celebration. Don't attach any wedding traditions to the party, but definitely have food, cake, and fun!

Planning an elopement?

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