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You're giving Carlotta way too much power.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
Ten years ago, fresh out of college, I worked for the most horrible human being I’ve ever met. “Carlotta” verbally and emotionally abused me and other employees. She’s incredibly good at her job but vicious as a boss. I’m still not certain whether the toll of the two years I worked for her are worth what it did for my career. I lost so much weight I stopped menstruating, and I only quit when my hair started falling out. Carlotta is wealthy and vindictive. I’ve never spoken about her to anyone other than my therapist and my husband for fear she’d wreak havoc on my career or sue me. Now a family friend’s daughter is graduating and entering the same field as me. She emailed me last week, ecstatic because she’s got an interview with Carlotta. We’ll be seeing each other at several Christmas gatherings, and she wants to take me out for coffee to discuss my experience there. I’m ashamed to admit that my sense of self-preservation has caused me to remain mum. I don’t know what to do or say to her other than the truth: Run, run far away from this woman! If the daughter repeats what I’ve said, there could be repercussions for my career. If I say nothing and she gets the job, I’ve set her up for a torturous experience. What should I do?
—Bad Boss Ghost
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Re: You're giving Carlotta way too much power.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    I think there's ways of saying "this may not be the job for you" without bashing Carlotta.  If friend's daughter still accepts....she had been warned and LW tried her best.

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    You can be diplomatic about her.   "I found that this company dynamic was not well suited for me and found that this new location was a better fit." 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I agree.  I think there are a lot of ways to warn her daughter's friend about Carlotta, without flat out bad-mouthing Carlotta.  I'd also focus more on talking about the job/company culture and what they were like, instead of focusing on Carlotta specifically.  Like, "I did find the job to be more stressful and demanding than in similar positions I've had in other companies."

    When talking specifically about Carlotta, I'd do it in a "backhanded compliment" way.  Like, "Carlotta is knowledgeable and very experienced in the work she does.  But she does have the same exacting standards for her employees and does not tolerate anything less."  Heck, if Carlotta heard a comment like that, she'd probably pat herself on the back, lol.  But hopefully the friend's daughter would read between the lines.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    banana468 said:
    You can be diplomatic about her.   "I found that this company dynamic was not well suited for me and found that this new location was a better fit." 
    This. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    LW left this job 8 years ago, so much could have changed in that time (even Carlotta), but the fact that you’re jot even responding to a friends daughter looking for mentorship (even just to tell her no) is a little ridiculous. Meet with her or no, but don’t ignore her. 

    And yes, be diplomatic; describe the hours and the standards factually and leave out your own personal take. People handle different work environments in their own way. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    banana468 said:
    You can be diplomatic about her.   "I found that this company dynamic was not well suited for me and found that this new location was a better fit." 
    This is where I'm at. I think it's possible for LW to say their experience at the company wasn't very good without totally badmouthing Carlotta or outright telling the friend's daughter not to go work there. There's nothing wrong with giving the friend's daughter a heads up that company culture may be challenging, but she is an adult who will ultimately have to make her own decisions about what she can and can't handle - and she may be better equipped to deal with a bad boss than LW was. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    downtondiva said:
    banana468 said:
    You can be diplomatic about her.   "I found that this company dynamic was not well suited for me and found that this new location was a better fit." 
    This is where I'm at. I think it's possible for LW to say their experience at the company wasn't very good without totally badmouthing Carlotta or outright telling the friend's daughter not to go work there. There's nothing wrong with giving the friend's daughter a heads up that company culture may be challenging, but she is an adult who will ultimately have to make her own decisions about what she can and can't handle - and she may be better equipped to deal with a bad boss than LW was. 
    I agree with this. When I hear of 22 year olds going to be analysts for 80 hour work weeks on Wall Street, I think they're batshit insane. But some people absolutely thrive in that environment. 

    Definitely advise the daughter of the environment and exacting standards, but let her decide if that environment is a fit or not. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    downtondiva said:
    banana468 said:
    You can be diplomatic about her.   "I found that this company dynamic was not well suited for me and found that this new location was a better fit." 
    This is where I'm at. I think it's possible for LW to say their experience at the company wasn't very good without totally badmouthing Carlotta or outright telling the friend's daughter not to go work there. There's nothing wrong with giving the friend's daughter a heads up that company culture may be challenging, but she is an adult who will ultimately have to make her own decisions about what she can and can't handle - and she may be better equipped to deal with a bad boss than LW was. 

    I totally agree with this.  I would be completely honest about the fact that environment/management/culture was not a good fit for me because some people might do extremely well in a place like that.  I have worked for 2 absolutely batshit (in my opinion) bosses that made me feel very similar to how LW described Carlotta. However, they are both extremely successful people who are running high functioning departments with lots of people working under them who don't seem to have the same clash that I did.  People react differently.
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    "Well, my career got its start because of Carlotta, but my hair did fall out when I was working for her." Yep, I'd be tempted to say this exact thing, but I'm retired now and have seen so much crap that it is no longer worth it to me to keep mum about jerk bosses. They rule through fear, and yes, maybe they get the job done, but there is more than one way to do the same thing without abusing your employees.
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