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WWYD: Gifts before the shower

kahluakoalakahluakoala member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My bridal shower is in 6 weeks (yay!) and my mom just sent out invitations. Gifts have just started to arrive and I'm wondering what to do with them. My shower is about 6 hours from where I live (in the town my mom and most of my family live), so I'll be driving in for the weekend in my small sedan. I'm already going to struggle to get the gifts home and might have to make a second trip a few months later depending. So for these gifts that arrive to my house, it seems super silly to transport them just to open them in front of everyone. The few boxes that have arrived already are HUGE. I know BBB is big on over-packaging, but I am expecing things like new stemware, serving platters, etc. so I am expecting some physically large items.

I was thinking what I'll do is open it now, send a thank you card, and then at my shower have a list of already received gifts that I'll read out, like, "I also want to thank aunt Mary for the crock pot, aunt Joan for the towels, etc".

Thoughts? WWYD?
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Re: WWYD: Gifts before the shower

  • bubblylovebubblylove member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, I wouldn't transport them. To me if the gift giver wanted to see you open it they wouldn't have sent it to your house. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kahluakoala said:
    My bridal shower is in 6 weeks (yay!) and my mom just sent out invitations. Gifts have just started to arrive and I'm wondering what to do with them. My shower is about 6 hours from where I live (in the town my mom and most of my family live), so I'll be driving in for the weekend in my small sedan. I'm already going to struggle to get the gifts home and might have to make a second trip a few months later depending. So for these gifts that arrive to my house, it seems super silly to transport them just to open them in front of everyone. The few boxes that have arrived already are HUGE. I know BBB is big on over-packaging, but I am expecing things like new stemware, serving platters, etc. so I am expecting some physically large items.

    I was thinking what I'll do is open it now, send a thank you card, and then at my shower have a list of already received gifts that I'll read out, like, "I also want to thank aunt Mary for the crock pot, aunt Joan for the towels, etc".

    Thoughts? WWYD?
    I would open them (to make sure everything arrived in tack and you know who it’s from), I wouldn’t transport them back (it seems silly), but I also wouldn’t have a list to announce. I don’t know it just seems, weird. 

    I also think its fine to wait and send the thank you’s all at once if you want. I was in a similar situation and a few people sent gifts to my house then brought something small to the shower. 

    Just a reminder that if you use any of the gifts before the wedding, and gods forbid something happens and the wedding doesn’t happen, you need to return the gifts. That’s why many etiquette sites will say not to use them (or even open them) before the wedding. 
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    charlotte989875 said:
    kahluakoala said:
    My bridal shower is in 6 weeks (yay!) and my mom just sent out invitations. Gifts have just started to arrive and I'm wondering what to do with them. My shower is about 6 hours from where I live (in the town my mom and most of my family live), so I'll be driving in for the weekend in my small sedan. I'm already going to struggle to get the gifts home and might have to make a second trip a few months later depending. So for these gifts that arrive to my house, it seems super silly to transport them just to open them in front of everyone. The few boxes that have arrived already are HUGE. I know BBB is big on over-packaging, but I am expecing things like new stemware, serving platters, etc. so I am expecting some physically large items.

    I was thinking what I'll do is open it now, send a thank you card, and then at my shower have a list of already received gifts that I'll read out, like, "I also want to thank aunt Mary for the crock pot, aunt Joan for the towels, etc".

    Thoughts? WWYD?
    I would open them (to make sure everything arrived in tack and you know who it’s from), I wouldn’t transport them back (it seems silly), but I also wouldn’t have a list to announce. I don’t know it just seems, weird. 

    I also think its fine to wait and send the thank you’s all at once if you want. I was in a similar situation and a few people sent gifts to my house then brought something small to the shower. 

    Just a reminder that if you use any of the gifts before the wedding, and gods forbid something happens and the wedding doesn’t happen, you need to return the gifts. That’s why many etiquette sites will say not to use them (or even open them) before the wedding. 

    I was kind of hoping this is the case! though I guess I can still get a head start writing them, and you're right that people may split gifts. I'm just worried that people didn't realize that the gifts got sent to my house since I have my default address on the registry set (and people don't see the address when they ship) and might have been expecting them to be shipped to my mom. I guess I'm overthinking it! I suppose I'll just thank the giver at the shower verbally when I greet them/chat with them. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    A few people sent me gifts beforehand too and my MIL was insistent that I drive them 7 hours to open at my shower.  I didn't, and it was no big deal.  I thanked the couple ladies in person who attended but sent those gifts beforehand but sent written thank you's with the rest after the shower.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    There's no way I would drive a bunch of gifts 6 hours each way just for people to watch me open them. I wouldn't announce the gifts at the shower either. I agree that it seems a little weird. Maybe I would make a point to mention gifts to people who sent them, but in conversation, not as an announcement. 

    With 6 weeks to go to the shower, waiting to send thank you notes is a stretch. If it were 1-2 weeks, ok, but you wouldn't wait 6 weeks to send a thank you in any other circumstances, so it doesn't make much sense here. Plus, if people really didn't intend to ship directly to you, receiving a prompt thank you will alert them to what happened, so they aren't calling customer service looking for missing packages. 
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    MyNameIsNot said:
    There's no way I would drive a bunch of gifts 6 hours each way just for people to watch me open them. I wouldn't announce the gifts at the shower either. I agree that it seems a little weird. Maybe I would make a point to mention gifts to people who sent them, but in conversation, not as an announcement. 

    With 6 weeks to go to the shower, waiting to send thank you notes is a stretch. If it were 1-2 weeks, ok, but you wouldn't wait 6 weeks to send a thank you in any other circumstances, so it doesn't make much sense here. Plus, if people really didn't intend to ship directly to you, receiving a prompt thank you will alert them to what happened, so they aren't calling customer service looking for missing packages. 
    I didn't know if it would be weird or not. I've been to two showers and both were local to the bride so they brought stuff over. I don't live near my family so I wasn't sure of protocol here. I personally find all the gift opening weird as is, but know I have to do it, so I don't have a sense of where to draw the line.

    The invites JUST went out so I assume someone got the invite, decided to come, and then just went right away and ordered their gift. I was thinking I could text them a "hey I got your gift, thanks so much!" and then do a thank you note after the shower with everyone else or I could do it now-ish (I think at this point it'll end up waiting until after Christmas given I'm travelling soon, but I assume that's ok). There's just soooo much mail happening right now since we did christmas cards for the first time ever (as a result of having collected a million addresses) and our invitations are slated to go out mid-January (and were recently ordered) so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    kahluakoala said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    There's no way I would drive a bunch of gifts 6 hours each way just for people to watch me open them. I wouldn't announce the gifts at the shower either. I agree that it seems a little weird. Maybe I would make a point to mention gifts to people who sent them, but in conversation, not as an announcement. 

    With 6 weeks to go to the shower, waiting to send thank you notes is a stretch. If it were 1-2 weeks, ok, but you wouldn't wait 6 weeks to send a thank you in any other circumstances, so it doesn't make much sense here. Plus, if people really didn't intend to ship directly to you, receiving a prompt thank you will alert them to what happened, so they aren't calling customer service looking for missing packages. 
    I didn't know if it would be weird or not. I've been to two showers and both were local to the bride so they brought stuff over. I don't live near my family so I wasn't sure of protocol here. I personally find all the gift opening weird as is, but know I have to do it, so I don't have a sense of where to draw the line.

    The invites JUST went out so I assume someone got the invite, decided to come, and then just went right away and ordered their gift. I was thinking I could text them a "hey I got your gift, thanks so much!" and then do a thank you note after the shower with everyone else or I could do it now-ish (I think at this point it'll end up waiting until after Christmas given I'm travelling soon, but I assume that's ok). There's just soooo much mail happening right now since we did christmas cards for the first time ever (as a result of having collected a million addresses) and our invitations are slated to go out mid-January (and were recently ordered) so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

    oh, I agree about sending TYs now - I glossed over the part that the shower is 6 weeks away.  Send thank you's now for sure.  Also - these could be people who got the invite and cannot come to the shower so sent a gift right away.  If it's only a couple people, seriously just write the thank you's now and get them out. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Definitely don't transport those gifts to the shower.  I'm assuming those guests sent them to your home instead of bringing them to the shower because they are thinking ahead and smart cookies ;)!  Trying to make your life easier, especially for larger packages.

    Because it is 6 weeks until your shower, I agree that the ty notes should be sent out promptly instead of waiting until the shower.

    For anyone who sent a gift ahead of time and is at the shower, I would verbally thank them also when I greeted them.  But wouldn't make an announcement during the present openings.

    Enjoy your shower!

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree that you don't need to transport the gifts to the shower. These people might not be attending the shower anyway. I know that my daughter received gifts via mail from people who couldn't attend the showers. Yes, you need to send thank yous now. Those people may wonder if you received their gift. That has happened to me numerous times. I get really annoyed when I don't receive a prompt (within a couple of weeks) thank you. I also recommend that you write wedding gift thank yous as gift arrives and not to wait until after the wedding. That way you are not writing all your thank you notes after the wedding and your guests aren't wondering if their gifts were received.
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    The host of baby showers (where people tend to ship big gifts like the crib, stroller etc) or in your case OOT bridal shower when people are shipping gifts usually reads a thank you list as the guest of honor is sitting down to open gifts.  Exactly what you said- “thank you aunt mary for the stroller”.  

    I definitely wouldn’t drive the gifts in to open in front of everyone.  And I’d send thank you’s as I received gifts.  
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    So, I opened the gifts that were sent to my house and texted the giver to thank her and that her gifts arrived in one piece. She didn't totally realize they were being shipped to my current residence but was happy I wouldn't have to lug them. This friend is definitely coming to my shower but I'll get her thank you note (and any others that arrive) out soon.

    The gift was nice new whiskey glasses and my FI was pretty pumped. He was like "I'm so excited for your shower!" haha.
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    eileenrob said:
    The host of baby showers (where people tend to ship big gifts like the crib, stroller etc) or in your case OOT bridal shower when people are shipping gifts usually reads a thank you list as the guest of honor is sitting down to open gifts.  Exactly what you said- “thank you aunt mary for the stroller”.  

    I definitely wouldn’t drive the gifts in to open in front of everyone.  And I’d send thank you’s as I received gifts.  

    You know, I knew I'd seen this before and I think you're right - at baby showers it' s usually done this way. I'll check with my mom to see what she thinks. IIRC we're from a similar region so our shower norms are likely pretty similar.
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  • kalinda2kalinda2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I hope you know postage is going up first of the year, so grab your postage now!

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  • redwoodoriginalredwoodoriginal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Definitely don’t lug the gifts to your shower and definitely send thank you cards now - do NOT wait for the shower. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, don't transport those gifts from your home to the shower. And send those thank-you notes for those gifts ASAP, so go ahead and unwrap them but don't open them until after the wedding.
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