Dear Prudence,
One of my best friends cannot have children. She and her husband spent years trying to conceive and only gave up after they’d spent all their money on fertility treatment. Obviously, it’s heartbreaking. I, on the other hand, had an unplanned pregnancy immediately after getting married. We were able to navigate that well; she demonstrated a lot of strength, and I tried hard to be conscientious. Shortly after she and her husband gave up for good, I had another unplanned pregnancy. Again, I tried hard to be sensitive, but now my baby is a month old, and I haven’t seen my friend since before I was pregnant. We’ve kept in touch via text and social media but rarely if ever talked about my children. When my baby was born, we had a medical emergency that meant he spent a week in the hospital. It was devastating and frightening, but my friend only sent one text and “liked” my social media updates.
Now that the crisis is over, and we’re settling into a normal daily life, I’m pretty upset at the distance my friend has maintained. I know I can’t actually understand the pain she’s been through, but I nearly lost my child and barely heard from her. I’ve really tried to be understanding, but I’m hurt. I didn’t want to let our differences in fertility come between us, but it feels like the friendship is over. If I were to talk to her about this, I’d want it to be face to face, but honestly I’m busy with two little kids now. After the way she’s blown us off, it doesn’t feel worth the effort to try to arrange a time to get together. Is this friendship over, or am I missing a sensitivity chip?
—Ready to Move On