Use your words, 2.

Re: Use your words, 2.

• 6fsn member

  

  January 2019

  “I usually charge x,y,z for this since you are family I will charge x,y,z”. Or if you want to give a discount do so. My sisters family fee for eye exams is booze:)

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2019

  Everyone has this.   My dad's an electrician and laments how often he was asked to install a ceiling fan or do work in someone's home all for free.   He especially loves requests in the summer that involve being in an attic. 
  
  My mom was a school teacher and the assumption was that she had nothing to do on snow days or the summer and was free to watch kids, take elderly parents grocery shopping or to doctor appointments or whatever. 
  
  You start to figure out if these are requests by people who are close and therefore you'd happily do things for free or are these people only calling you when something is needed.   If it's the latter then just say, "Sure I can do that.   My general rate for something like this is $X.   Send me what you need and I can evaluate it and give you a quote. " 
  
  
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  January 2019

  “Happy to help. Make an appointment with my office and we can discuss fees and timelines”. 

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  January 2019

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

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• CharmedPam member

  

  January 2019

  I’m just really glad my friend, who works in I.T. Actually loves helping me with my computer problems.   It would seriously depend on how close LW is to these people if she wants to charge them.  I think there’s some people you just don’t charge if they ask for help. 

  
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2019

  mrsconn23 said:

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

  I agree with this, especially the bolded. 
  
  There can be a middle ground between treating your sister like any Joe Blow client and creating an entire will for someone for free. 
  
  My H is also an electrician and he hates side jobs. Pretty much refuses to do them. He works 6 days a week so for him to come to you on his only day off is going to cost more than if you would have called his boss and hired him like everyone else does. Lots of people don't seem to understand that. Hell, my sister's coworker got mad that H wouldn't do her side job for cheap. This woman has never even met H, just knew that her coworker's BIL is an electrician and expected him to wire her pool for like a beer and $50. He'll do work for family and super close friends, but outside of maybe 5 people, nope. But he will do smaller things like troubleshoot a problem to try to walk someone through something over the phone.
  
  I think LW needs to say something to these people, though. Next time someone asks for help, I'd say something like, "I'm happy to help but I've been spending a lot of time helping friends for free over the last few years. Here's what I can do now, but if you need more than that, I'm going to have to invoice you". 

  
  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2019

  ShesSoCold said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

  I agree with this, especially the bolded. 
  
  There can be a middle ground between treating your sister like any Joe Blow client and creating an entire will for someone for free. 
  
  My H is also an electrician and he hates side jobs. Pretty much refuses to do them. He works 6 days a week so for him to come to you on his only day off is going to cost more than if you would have called his boss and hired him like everyone else does. Lots of people don't seem to understand that. Hell, my sister's coworker got mad that H wouldn't do her side job for cheap. This woman has never even met H, just knew that her coworker's BIL is an electrician and expected him to wire her pool for like a beer and $50. He'll do work for family and super close friends, but outside of maybe 5 people, nope. But he will do smaller things like troubleshoot a problem to try to walk someone through something over the phone.
  
  I think LW needs to say something to these people, though. Next time someone asks for help, I'd say something like, "I'm happy to help but I've been spending a lot of time helping friends for free over the last few years. Here's what I can do now, but if you need more than that, I'm going to have to invoice you". 

  For my dad he had to start saying no to people who weren't immediate family or when he knew there wasn't a feeling of reciprocation.
  
  Uncle who works in HVAC and helps with our furnace?  Sure we'll watch your kids and will help with the wiring in your bedroom.
  
  Uncle's wife's sister?  Sorry - I don't do side jobs. 
  
  
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2019

  banana468 said:

  ShesSoCold said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

  I agree with this, especially the bolded. 
  
  There can be a middle ground between treating your sister like any Joe Blow client and creating an entire will for someone for free. 
  
  My H is also an electrician and he hates side jobs. Pretty much refuses to do them. He works 6 days a week so for him to come to you on his only day off is going to cost more than if you would have called his boss and hired him like everyone else does. Lots of people don't seem to understand that. Hell, my sister's coworker got mad that H wouldn't do her side job for cheap. This woman has never even met H, just knew that her coworker's BIL is an electrician and expected him to wire her pool for like a beer and $50. He'll do work for family and super close friends, but outside of maybe 5 people, nope. But he will do smaller things like troubleshoot a problem to try to walk someone through something over the phone.
  
  I think LW needs to say something to these people, though. Next time someone asks for help, I'd say something like, "I'm happy to help but I've been spending a lot of time helping friends for free over the last few years. Here's what I can do now, but if you need more than that, I'm going to have to invoice you". 

  For my dad he had to start saying no to people who weren't immediate family or when he knew there wasn't a feeling of reciprocation.
  
  Uncle who works in HVAC and helps with our furnace?  Sure we'll watch your kids and will help with the wiring in your bedroom.
  
  Uncle's wife's sister?  Sorry - I don't do side jobs. 
  
  
  

  Yes! The reciprocation and even gratitude is big for H. He does work for my sister because she lives alone and she genuinely appreciates his help. He'll help my dad out, no problem, because he knows my dad spent like 2 days trying to figure it out before he called H.
  He's less available to his own dad because his dad doesn't even try. He just calls H, demanding help, getting mad when H can't drop everything and go over immediately and doesn't even try to do anything himself. He just sits and waits for H to come by and acts like H owes him the work. Nah dude. Doesn't work like that.

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2019

  ShesSoCold said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

  I agree with this, especially the bolded. 
  
  There can be a middle ground between treating your sister like any Joe Blow client and creating an entire will for someone for free. 
  
  My H is also an electrician and he hates side jobs. Pretty much refuses to do them. He works 6 days a week so for him to come to you on his only day off is going to cost more than if you would have called his boss and hired him like everyone else does. Lots of people don't seem to understand that. Hell, my sister's coworker got mad that H wouldn't do her side job for cheap. This woman has never even met H, just knew that her coworker's BIL is an electrician and expected him to wire her pool for like a beer and $50. He'll do work for family and super close friends, but outside of maybe 5 people, nope. But he will do smaller things like troubleshoot a problem to try to walk someone through something over the phone.
  
  I think LW needs to say something to these people, though. Next time someone asks for help, I'd say something like, "I'm happy to help but I've been spending a lot of time helping friends for free over the last few years. Here's what I can do now, but if you need more than that, I'm going to have to invoice you". 

  You'd think of all people that an attorney would know how to use their words, lol.  I'm joking.  I can understand it is still awkward with friends and family.  But PPs have good examples of nice ways to make things clear and get the point across.

  To the bolded -- Wow, unbelievable.  The NERVE of some people!  That's more like a referral and, of course, she needs to pay whatever his normal rate is.  Or, in this case, the company he works for. 

  My dad was an electrician also.  Never owned his own business, always worked for an employer.  My parents had a tight-knit, longtime close group of friends.  My dad had the opposite "problem" with them.  Anytime they needed minor electrical work, they'd call him to do it in his spare time.  They would insist on paying him and he would usually insist it was no trouble and refuse to accept, lol.  And that's the way it should be!  Just because someone is a family member or close friend, doesn't mean they should assume they get things for free.  Ask for a price and/or offer money.  Let that person decide if they are going to help out for no cost or they can give a price without putting them in an awkward position.

  One of our closest friends is a plumber.  He does not work for free or give us a "friends" discount.  Even for minor jobs.  We totally understand and that is just fine!
  

  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2019

  ShesSoCold said:

  banana468 said:

  ShesSoCold said:

  mrsconn23 said:

  I'm somewhere between, "tell them to make an appt during office hours and let them know the 'family' rate for your services" and "ask for return favors from these people".   The hammer doesn't have to come down hard, and LW could be creative about going about getting 'payment' for their services. 
  
  I have people ask me all the time to try and get them a vacation or use my discounts otherwise.  I decide how much help I'll give them (BFF? go all out...my flaky aunt? Meh.)  So this LW could beg off people they know won't reciprocate or pay.  

  I agree with this, especially the bolded. 
  
  There can be a middle ground between treating your sister like any Joe Blow client and creating an entire will for someone for free. 
  
  My H is also an electrician and he hates side jobs. Pretty much refuses to do them. He works 6 days a week so for him to come to you on his only day off is going to cost more than if you would have called his boss and hired him like everyone else does. Lots of people don't seem to understand that. Hell, my sister's coworker got mad that H wouldn't do her side job for cheap. This woman has never even met H, just knew that her coworker's BIL is an electrician and expected him to wire her pool for like a beer and $50. He'll do work for family and super close friends, but outside of maybe 5 people, nope. But he will do smaller things like troubleshoot a problem to try to walk someone through something over the phone.
  
  I think LW needs to say something to these people, though. Next time someone asks for help, I'd say something like, "I'm happy to help but I've been spending a lot of time helping friends for free over the last few years. Here's what I can do now, but if you need more than that, I'm going to have to invoice you". 

  For my dad he had to start saying no to people who weren't immediate family or when he knew there wasn't a feeling of reciprocation.
  
  Uncle who works in HVAC and helps with our furnace?  Sure we'll watch your kids and will help with the wiring in your bedroom.
  
  Uncle's wife's sister?  Sorry - I don't do side jobs. 
  
  
  

  Yes! The reciprocation and even gratitude is big for H. He does work for my sister because she lives alone and she genuinely appreciates his help. He'll help my dad out, no problem, because he knows my dad spent like 2 days trying to figure it out before he called H.
  He's less available to his own dad because his dad doesn't even try. He just calls H, demanding help, getting mad when H can't drop everything and go over immediately and doesn't even try to do anything himself. He just sits and waits for H to come by and acts like H owes him the work. Nah dude. Doesn't work like that.

  Exactly!   When my aunt couldn't reciprocate with a task she'd say that she's springing for a seaside dinner for him or she'd spend extra outfitting my brother and me with back to school clothing on a shopping trip.  
  
  That was far different from my mom's stingy pain in the ass uncle who expected my dad to drop what he was doing, show up to fix stuff he broke and cover the repair AND materials out of pocket.   Nope.  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2019

  I have an uncle who is a physician. When I graduated law school, he gave me advice about this. People will ask for work for free, but they'll also come up and expect you to give them professional advice in the middle of a party. "Call my office on Monday, and we'll set up an appointment and talk about your issue in the right context." 
  
  Not only do I not want to spend the party doing work, but no one needs any medical/legal advice rendered after 2 beers.  
  

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• 6fsn member

  

  January 2019

  Our pediatrician was me brother’s roommate when they were in med school. My brother is an ed doc.  At our appointment yesterday we were discussing what to do if we suspected a concussion in the future. She said to call the staff doc on call to which I responded that my brother tends to be my doctor on call. She said “well if he’s ever tired of that”
  
  I don’t call him often, but I certainly have. Between that and this letter I was starting to second guess myself about asking his opinion. 
  
  My my mom knew about the suspected concussion and must have told my brother. He just called to yell at me for not calling him when it happened. Guess I know I’m not abusing him. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2019

  MyNameIsNot said:

  I have an uncle who is a physician. When I graduated law school, he gave me advice about this. People will ask for work for free, but they'll also come up and expect you to give them professional advice in the middle of a party. "Call my office on Monday, and we'll set up an appointment and talk about your issue in the right context." 
  
  Not only do I not want to spend the party doing work, but no one needs any medical/legal advice rendered after 2 beers.  
  

  I'd imagine for conversational situations like a party, lawyers, physicians, and accountants get the brunt of this kind of stuff!
  

  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2019

  Hah, someone just posed on Facebook "Does anyone know anyone in vending who will put in machines at a location for no cost, other than collecting the money from it? Would need to stock once a week and need both food and pop".
  
  Um, NO. And she's a hairstylist. She should know better than most how annoying it is for people to want shit for free or reduced. 

  
  

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• 6fsn member

  

  January 2019

  Is this where I can complain about people suggesting stay at home moms watch someone’s kids before/after school because they’re putting their own kids on the bus anyway?  I get this a lot and hear it recommended a lot. Just yesterday the working parents were complaining about school being cancelled and not having childcare. Oodles responded “ask a SAHM!”  I mean I’d do it in a lunch for a friend, but I’m not going to be your only back up care. 

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  January 2019

  short+sassy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  I have an uncle who is a physician. When I graduated law school, he gave me advice about this. People will ask for work for free, but they'll also come up and expect you to give them professional advice in the middle of a party. "Call my office on Monday, and we'll set up an appointment and talk about your issue in the right context." 
  
  Not only do I not want to spend the party doing work, but no one needs any medical/legal advice rendered after 2 beers.  
  

  I'd imagine for conversational situations like a party, lawyers, physicians, and accountants get the brunt of this kind of stuff!
  

  I can confirm. My mom is a retired nurse and used to get medical questions all the time. She probably still does.

  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2019

  6fsn said:

  Is this where I can complain about people suggesting stay at home moms watch someone’s kids before/after school because they’re putting their own kids on the bus anyway?  I get this a lot and hear it recommended a lot. Just yesterday the working parents were complaining about school being cancelled and not having childcare. Oodles responded “ask a SAHM!”  I mean I’d do it in a lunch for a friend, but I’m not going to be your only back up care. 

  DH has received the brunt of my verbal tongue lashing when I've pushed out that I work FROM the house and not ON the house.   Sure it makes sense for the kids to stay home and for me to WFH on sick days, but I still send them to DC and loathe when the DC closes.   On particularly bad days or when Chiquito was really young I'd push back and ask him to go in late or leave early if he could if I knew that I had a ton of work on my desk.    To him my answer would be, "The workload won't change.   I'll still be home but doing it Saturday if I can't get it done during the week." 

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• levioosa member

  

  January 2019

  I’m already dealing with this. People will call me up to ask medical advice. 1) it’s ethically ambiguous at best to treat family and 2) it’s legally murky. If I’m treating or giving medical advice without seeing someone (or having a patient chart through my place of work) I can lose my license so it’s not something I take lightly. I always tell people to go to their doctor or to the emergency room if they feel their issue is emergent. I know as soon as I graduate it’s going to get ten times worse and I’m not looking forward to it. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2019

  levioosa said:

  I’m already dealing with this. People will call me up to ask medical advice. 1) it’s ethically ambiguous at best to treat family and 2) it’s legally murky. If I’m treating or giving medical advice without seeing someone (or having a patient chart through my place of work) I can lose my license so it’s not something I take lightly. I always tell people to go to their doctor or to the emergency room if they feel their issue is emergent. I know as soon as I graduate it’s going to get ten times worse and I’m not looking forward to it. 

  
  That makes a lot of sense.  I never really thought about the legal aspect for people in the medical profession.

  

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• ei34 member

  

  January 2019

  I get questions from time to time asking for help (or tips, really) on applying to college.  How to make a list of schools, where to find scholarship money, LOTS of FAFSA questions this time of year.  If H has a crazy work schedule I’ll tell the parent that if they can come watch my kids I’ll go to their house and sit with their high schooler and walk them through it.  That’s as far as “payment” as I’ve gone though.  I’ll also do that regardless of H’s schedule if I’m being bombarded with texts or emails. Picking my brain with a question or two is one thing but I don’t let the information session go on for more than 10-15 minutes.  Set boundaries LW!

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2019

  eileenrob said:

  I get questions from time to time asking for help (or tips, really) on applying to college.  How to make a list of schools, where to find scholarship money, LOTS of FAFSA questions this time of year.  If H has a crazy work schedule I’ll tell the parent that if they can come watch my kids I’ll go to their house and sit with their high schooler and walk them through it.  That’s as far as “payment” as I’ve gone though.  I’ll also do that regardless of H’s schedule if I’m being bombarded with texts or emails. Picking my brain with a question or two is one thing but I don’t let the information session go on for more than 10-15 minutes.  Set boundaries LW!

  Has anyone ever taken you up on that?  Because I totally would if I had a high-schooler, lol.  I assume you're kidding, they realize that, and get the point .

  FTR, I graduated from HS when the Internet largely didn't exist.  But this info was readily available at the school and I didn't even need my parents help with it.  Back then, colleges and scholarships needed to be applied for with crazy stuff.  Like paper forms, handwritten in pen.  Real mail and stamps, lol.  At least my essays could be typed on a computer and printed out.  Progress!
  

  

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• ei34 member

  

  January 2019

  It’s all online now.  Most colleges are on CommonApp, so it’s one application/essay/teacher letters of recommendation and you just send it to the schools you want to apply to.  Most schools do have an enhancement, a personal statement (usually 500 words) asking the student why their school would be the perfect fit.  Even for the selective schools, the personal interview is now via Skype or whatever system the school uses (for West coast schools..EC schools is mostly still in person).
  
  Yes two family members (two of H’s aunts) have come to watch my kids and I went over and helped his cousins.  The aunts were incredulous that the schools’ counselors didn’t do college stuff with their children.  Both teens admitted that they had been blowing off their counseling appointments bc they didn’t want to lose their free period 

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2019

  eileenrob said:

  It’s all online now.  Most colleges are on CommonApp, so it’s one application/essay/teacher letters of recommendation and you just send it to the schools you want to apply to.  Most schools do have an enhancement, a personal statement (usually 500 words) asking the student why their school would be the perfect fit.  Even for the selective schools, the personal interview is now via Skype or whatever system the school uses (for West coast schools..EC schools is mostly still in person).
  
  Yes two family members (two of H’s aunts) have come to watch my kids and I went over and helped his cousins.  The aunts were incredulous that the schools’ counselors didn’t do college stuff with their children.  Both teens admitted that they had been blowing off their counseling appointments bc they didn’t want to lose their free period 

  So it's the old "I only know what my kid tells me and they are lazy" story.

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