Meaning of tea ceremony

Re: Meaning of tea ceremony

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  meya1955

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  This website gives you a pretty good idea of what it means:
  
  http://www.chcp.org/wed2.html
  
  

  There is also a saying that I don't see mentioned in the website above.

  "One cup of tea for an ounce of gold"

  From what my grandparents and parents have told me is that, this is the way family helps the newly wed couple start their lives together. 
  
  To who do you serve tea to?
  
  Parents
  Grandparents
  Uncles & Aunts (and their spouse)
  Elder brothers & sister (and their spouse)
  
  You do not serve to any of your elder brother or sister who is not married. They do not get to participate in the tea ceremony.

  Will you be able to serve tea to a younger sibling? No. Just who ever is older than you.

  Will you be able to serve tea to friends? No. They are not family.
  
  What is given to the bride and groom at the tea ceremony? Gold, Jewelry, Money

  Tea ceremony starts at the BRIDE's home and then at the Groom's home. MUST start at the groom's house BEFORE noon.. Some people might disagree, but I have always been told & observed that rule being followed at the dozens of chinese wedding I've been to.

  Any specific questions, just post  
  
  I've become an expert since I've asked the elders all the questions for my wedding.

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  ring_pop member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I was in the same situation as you; my family is Chinese, my huband's is not. I think that your situation warrants some bending of the "rules". You can preserve the meaning of the tradition, and involve his family in your culture, without following all of the traditions to a tee.
  
  I just explained to his family that in our culture, it's a sign of respect and gratitude to our elders. I gave them some more details about the origin of the ceremony as they asked questions. They were thrilled to be asked to participate.
  
  Technically, as PP said, you're supposed to serve your grandparents, parents, aunts & uncles, and elder married siblings. But in your case, I would consider starting off with only his parents. Ask his parents whether they feel that the grandparents, aunts & uncles should be involved. When we posed this question to my in-laws, they said that it didn't really matter to them because the ceremony was a part of MY culture, not theirs; they were happy to participate, but didn't feel the need to include too many extended family members, since it meant nothing to them anyway. (We ended up including my husband's aunt/godmother and uncle as well.)
  
  Regarding the lai see... it *is* an important part of the ceremony. But we felt awkward and uncomfortable instructing them to give us lots of money, so we told them that the lai see is symbolic of them passing on their good wishes to us and helping us start our lives. We gave them red envelopes and told them that they could insert whatever they want, as little as $5 in each envelope. We skipped the gold/jewellery giving (my relatives all gave me gold jewllery, discreetly). I would never tell feel comfortable telling people to give us an ounce of gold in a ceremony that wasn't even part of their culture.

  
  
  Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  

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  carm1184

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies!!  I will have to have a sit down with the FH and see what we are comfortable with and then take it to his family. 
  
  Meya, would you know anything about the hair setting the night before?  Is it still practiced??  Also, is there a specific way to brew or present the tea? 
  

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  meya1955

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  With the many weddings I have attended and being part of, I have not seen the hair setting done. The only time I've seen a hair ritual being perform is during a Cambodian wedding. But no hair cutting for the Chinese (at least I don't think so).
  
  In regards to tea, I don't think there is a right or wrong way. Funny enough, I just bought myself a tea pot last night. What I'm planning to do is brew a large batch of tea. Keep it warm on the stove during the ceremony. My bridesmaid will keep the pot full & pour the tea into the cups.
  
  I bought several cups so the girls can wash cups between use and won't stop the flow of the ceremony.
  
  btw, congrats I have 117 days to go and wish it was just 10 days. LOL I'm just ready to rock and roll my wedding.

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  Mindy Weng

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Hi.. I'm in the same situation where I'm Chinese, and the groom is American. Also that I only have a few relatives that are in the states, and my fiance has a HUGE family. We agreed to just do the tea ceremony only for my side of family.

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  JackieJax05 member

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm in the opposite situation; I'm American but my fiance' is from Taiwan.  This was a really helpful post, though, thanks!
  
  I think we'll probably just have my parents and his parents, and at the beginning of the reception.
  

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