Children In The Wedding Party?

Sunshine3414 · March 2010

My fiance and I have decided to keep the wedding party small with our family only. We will be having my sister, his sister and brother and the three spouses. Between the three couples, there are 4 nephews (ages 9, 3, 2, and 2)and 1 niece (age 1 1/2). I would love to have all of the kids somehow involved in the ceremony, but I'm not sure how to do so. Any suggestions?

I also have a 12 year old step-brother. My fiance doesn't really want him as a junior groomsman which I understand because he is rather immature. But, I want to include him in some way. Any suggestions?

My last question -- my fiance and I just had a son who will be 8 months old when we get married. Any suggestions as to how to incorporate him into the ceremony?

Thank you for any and all suggestions!

mbcdefg · March 2010

Personally, I would suggest just taking a nice photo with all the kids and let that be it. I can totally understand wanting to include nieces and nephews, but with kids aged 3 and under I think you would be at risk for meltdowns when it's time to walk down the aisle. Even if they don't have a meltdown, I don't think anyone but the 9 year-old (and maybe the 3 year-old) would really understand what was going on or would be hurt to be left out. If they're not old enough to get the jist of what's going on, IMO it's not really necessary to include them.

If you think your siblings would understand this, maybe have the 9 year-old as the ring bearer and don't come up with roles for the younger kids. If you think that including only the oldest kid(s) would cause hurt feelings, then I'd just not include anyone. Or, if you *really* want them all to go down the aisle, ask their parents to pick out nice outfits for them, label them in the program as Child Attendants or just under Wedding Party, and have them walk down the aisle together or be carried by their folks.

If you think the step-brother would be able to wear a tux/suit and stand up quietly with the attendants during the ceremony, then he could always stand on your side as YOUR attendant. Otherwise, maybe have him be the ring bearer, and then sit with your parents once he reaches the end of the aisle ... and if you think he could handle holding the real rings (only give them to him right before he starts down the aisle), he could be the one to come forward at the ring exchange and give them to the officiant.

With an 8 month-old baby, I'd just have him in a few formal photos and a nice family portrait. Or have someone (maybe your mother?) carry him down the aisle in the processional and then hand him off to his caregiver. Who will be watching him during the ceremony? Maybe you can hire a sitter, so that someone like your mom wouldn't have to miss the ceremony if he gets fussy and needs to be taken away to calm down.

blackfire5th · March 2010

I would not involve the children under 3, including your new baby (congrats!). They are just too young, probably won't know what they are doing, and most likely won't remember anything.

You could see if the 9 year old wants to be a ring bearer. He might think it's cool or he might think it's lame, but you never know at that age unless you ask.

The 12 year old is tough. If you don't want him to be a groomsman, could he escort someone? A grandmother? Are there any religious things in your ceremony that you need someone to carry? My 12 year old cousin was our guest book attendant and she thought it was really cool.

In the end, it is nice to include people, but you don't need to include everyone.

As for your son, I saw a wedding show where the bride and groom gave a gift to their (10 year old) child during the ceremony. Maybe you could get him something special that one of you will wear at the ceremony that you can pass on to him when he is older. Cuff-links maybe?

CA2MT4EveR · March 2010

I don't think children need to play a part in the ceremony, especially if they are extended family and not even your own children. Most all of those children are too young to stand up in front of people for so long, and their parents will be left holding them or comforting from the fears of being in front of people. Only the 9 year old will somewhat understand what is going on.

Of course the 12 year old is immature. He is 12, has hormones going every which direction and he is totally and completely awkward. Why wouldn't the poor kid be immature?

Keep the party to adults, and the children can be left with a babysitter.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

If they're too young to explain, in their own words, what a wedding ceremony is and what their role in it would be, they're too young to have one. Just take some nice pictures with all of them and call it a day.

nhelene · April 2010

Dress your son up in a little suit or something and get some cute pictures taken with him.

If you wanted to be really cute you could have a family member sit in the front row with him and, when it's time to present the rings, step up to the altar with him and the ring pillow, so he's still your 'ring bearer'

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

The only time I somewhat see children as ok in part of a ceremony is when it is a step sort of thing with a family unity. Even then I feel it is a little odd. If it is you and your FI child together, you just had a child before marriage. You don't need to tie your son into it.

kimandjim74 · April 2010

As the bride-to-be, I am trying to figure out how to incorporate my 10 yr old daughter into the festivities. I have no nieces or nephews, but my FI has 7 nephews and 2 nieces (ages 5-18). While we both love them all, I can't see how we could possibly incorporate them all in the wedding, even though they would all be old enough and cooperative. 2 of them are his godchildren, so we could get away with including them in some way, but that is only 2 out of 9.

We are considering having my daughter and his older godson (14) do readings at the ceremony. What I was also thinking of doing is maybe having the rest (or some) present te gifts at Mass (if we go the church Mass route). It would be great if we could find something special for each of them to do (since their parents will be int eh WP). In time, we'll figure it out (we have plenty of time).

I just think the age of the little ones opens you up to a little but of mayhem.

As for your son: I know it might sound goofy, but there's an episode of Friends (if you're a fan), where Ross' lesbian ex-wife gets re-married, and their baby is walked down the aisle in a lavishly decorated stroller. Very cute!

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