Cocktail hour?

sari5765 · June 2010

So, our idea is to be thrifty and eliminate cocktail hour. Our ceremony and reception are in the same place, but it's about a five minute walk between the two. We figure that it'll take a while to corral people and by the time everyone has sat down, we'll be done with yichud. Some people however have expressed concern that a cocktail hour is now expected. The Jewish weddings I've been to have generally had snacks and drinks beforehand, for everyone who wasn't at the tisch or kp. Nothing between ceremony and reception. What do you guys think? We'll only be in yichud for 18 minutes- is it really necessary to keep our guests entertained during that time?

Jeni35 · June 2010

You sure only 18 minutes?

I don't think it is a requirement to have a cocktail hour, especially if you are having a meal. We are also having our reception in the same place. We are having a little nosh before the ceremony and hor d'oeuvres served before dinner. I am not sure I would classify it as cocktail hour though. The only thing I can say is you know our religion is about eating a big meal. My mom is still worried that we won;t have enough food!

Rachiemoo · June 2010

I personally would never eliminate the cocktail hour, in fact I think it is one of my favorite parts of the reception. I rather have a cocktail / hors d'œuvre reception than a sit down meal. However, it is your wedding so you should do what you want, just putting in my opinion since you asked

parker624 · June 2010

I agree with Rachiemoo. cocktail hour is my favorite part of weddings! Its the first time your guests get to mingle and chat with each other, before being ushered into the reception hall and its too loud to have conversations.

Although, it might depend on how many people you are inviting to the wedding. a 100 person wedding might not need the cocktail hour, whereas a 300 person wedding definitely needs it IMO. Also, an afternoon wedding could do without a cocktail hour, since poeple will be drinking less, whereas an evening wedding people like the cocktail hour to get their first drink, etc.

P.S. my name is Sari too!!!

ciaraman · June 2010

I don't know that a cocktail hour is absolutely necessary, but it's definitely a nice plus if you can swing it. I am hoping to cut mine to about 45 minutes instead of the full hour, so I get where you're coming from. I think the biggest concern about skipping the cocktail hour would be going from super-structured activity (the wedding) to super-structured activity (the dinner). If you have a little time in between, for people to mingle and talk, even if it's not during a "cocktail hour," I bet your guests will appreciate that. MY FSIL had her cocktail hour in the same room as the reception and people still mingled, so there's no reason they couldn't do that w/o the official cocktail hour.

slbriz34 · June 2010

Not to suggest that we didn't have mingling in the ballroom, but the cocktail hour really allowed folks the freedom to mingle and social - with us and with each other (we had it after the ceremony).

However, depending on your wedding size, you can do without it. I'd at least have some light refreshments and drinks, which serves as the same thing but you don't need to extend it or refer to it as "cocktail hour."

Whether folks will expect it or not is irrelevant, it's your day to do with and structure as you like; folks can do whatever they want when it's their function/turn....

sari5765 · June 2010

Thanks guys! I like the idea of having something abbreviated- that could be a good compromise for my mother, who really wants to have one. Now, I'm just a little concerned that we don't have a dedicated space for one. But Ciaraman you said that people still had room, even though the tables were already set up? And Parker 624- I love our name!

tenofcups4me · June 2010

I don't see what the number of people has to do with whether or not to have one. I've never attended a wedding without a cocktail hour so I'd be surprised to not have one at all. But I have attended a few weddings where the cocktail hour was actually before the ceremony. One was my own second wedding, one was the only orthodox wedding I've ever attended (the bride was on a throne of some sort in a main room with hors d'oeuvres and a bar while the groom was in a second room just with men, although the men could come into the main room too), and one was reform Jewish/Catholic wedding--the groom attended the cocktail hour, the bride and her bridal party didn't. As part of the bridal party, I really hated that one.

I've also attended several events where the cocktail hour was in the same room as the reception. I prefer it in a separate room, but that's just personal taste; there's no reason why they can't be in the same room.

FWIW, cocktail hour (before or after the ceremony) is also my favorite part of a wedding :-)

parker624 · June 2010

ten cups, what you are describing sounds like the tish. Sari, are you having a tish beforehand? That is when the bride and groom separate, and the men give advice to the groom while the groom tries to recite the day's torah passage or something like that. It involves a lot of scotch. The ladies do something similar, but the bride sits on a throne and the women sing songs, and come up to the bride and tell her nice things.

some food is usually served then.

tenofcups4me · June 2010

Thanks Parker, I couldn't think of the word (it was late at night!).

As I mentioned, I've only seen that once, but at that particular wedding it was accompanied by a full-blown cocktail hour -- full open bar, butlered and station hors d'oeuvres -- so in that scenario it would have been silly to have another full cocktail hour 1/2 hour later after the ceremony.

slbriz34 · June 2010

I say if your mom wants it, just keep it small since you don't really want to have one. It's your day, your funds, people will have a good time no matter what.

razdazzle · June 2010

I have to agree with some of the other ladies - I personally think the cocktail hour is usually one of the best parts of the wedding, especially in terms of food. Have you explored other areas to cut back? Doing one entree or a buffet instead of a plated meal?

sari5765 · June 2010

We still haven't decided if we're doing kabbalat panim (where the bride sits on the throne). And no tisch cause we're both ladies

But I've only been to Orthodox weddings, which always had the 'cocktail hour' ie nosh for the folks who weren't at the tisch or kb (plus food in the rooms for those who were). The problem I'm really stuck on is that the area for the reception may be too small. I'll talk to the lady at the venue and see what's been done in the past.

sari5765 · June 2010

Oh, and we're doing buffet to cut back on some of the catering costs. And then only beer, wine, and one signature drink for the bar.

Cocktail hour?

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