Snarky Brides

She bought the dress!! :(

So i asked my future sister in law if her daughter could be the flower girl in our wedding.  They were very excited and I told her kind of what I had in mind for the dress.  A couple weeks later she sent me 3 pics of dresses from online and told me to pick one!  I told her they were cute but I hadn't had a chance to look around yet and we were in no rush.  She emails me a couple days ago and says she wants to get the dress next month and which did I pick.  I emailed her back.and said since there is another flowergirl I thought we would all go shopping together and pick something out.  I also explained that I really did not want to purchase online due to the color possibly not matching.  She said fine and to let her know.  She called me yesterday and said she ordered the dress online and already had it and if it matched that is one we are going with!!!!!!!!  I am really upset and feel like she has a lot of nerve to do this even when I said I didn't want to order them online!  I wouldn't have made them get dresses the mothers didn't like but I thought it would have been nice to include everyone since there are two flowergirls!  Does anyone else think this is ridiculous??  My FI says just be nice this is the way she is!!!!!! 
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Re: She bought the dress!! :(

  • cew515cew515
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    Did she say what her reason was for buying the dress now instead of waiting?
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  • No reason she just wanted to get it taken care of.  I think it's inconsiderate to the other girl she wanted to be involved too.  She is 4 and the other is 6.
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  • Yes she was out of line.  She should not have bought a dress without your input.  However, that having been said, when life hands you lemons make lemonade.  Go check out the dress and see if it's something you like.  If it is, work with the other FG to find a dress that will look good with it and there you go.  If it's something you just can't stand, find out if it's possible for FSIL to return it.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • In Response to Re: She bought the dress!! :(:
    In Response to She bought the dress!! :( : While I think she should have waited to see what you picked out, in the end, it's not a big deal. Not everyone wants to go on group shopping trips.  If you really don't like the dress she purchased for her daughter or it doen'st match the formality of your event, ask if it would be ok if you purchase a dress for her daughter. How old is this flowergirl?
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds

    I don't think OP should have to buy a dress because FSIL couldn't wait a few weeks.
    imageimage
  • cew515cew515
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    Yeah. That's seems a little strange to me. I would never just buy a dress with out making sure everyone was on the same page first. Unless, I was given the indication that it was okay to do so. But, what's done is done. Have you seen the dress? Will it work for the wedding? Can the other girl just order a matching one?

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  • JenGin74JenGin74
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    edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: She bought the dress!! :(:
    Well, her FI said this is how his sister is.  If that is true, I don't see her returning the dress and making this easy on OP.  If OP hates the dress, maybe the two of them can compromise on something.  Like FSIL could return the dress and OP could make up the difference on what the new dress would cost vs. the one FSILwould returned. It just doesn't seem like a FG dress is worth a bunch of drama.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds
    Oh, I totally agree that it's not worth the drama. I just hate the thought of someone being allowed to be a douche because "that's how she is", you know?
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  • If it matches and looks okay I guess it'll be fine.  It's not the dress it's more the point that she thinks she is in control and going to make all the decisions.  I probably won't include her in any other planning just because she takes over.  Thanks for your input!!
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  • In Response to Re: She bought the dress!! :(:
    I agree!  She's probably gets away with everything because people keep allowing her because "that's how she is."
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds

    She needs a good smack-down  :P
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  • cew515cew515
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    She is going to be a part of your family for the rest of your life. I would take this opportunity to discuss your concerns now as opposed to letting it fester.
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  • Ya she does.  She is actually his brother's wife and is from Brazil so they think she just doesn't understand how things work but I don't buy it.  She has been in the US for 20 years.  She completely controls him so this is nothing new I guess.
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  • JenGin74JenGin74
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    edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: She bought the dress!! :(:
    She is going to be a part of your family for the rest of your life. I would take this opportunity to discuss your concerns now as opposed to letting it fester.
    Posted by cew515

    Stop being so mature and rational! That b!tch needs an ass whooping  :P
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  • While I'd be peeved, I'd really try to let this one go. In the grand scheme of things, this is not a battle I'd choose. I would however not let her get away with the "that's the way she is" excuse and I'd tell her that you're very unhappy she jumped the gun on this. People will be looking at you, and as long as you can get a coordinating or matching dress for your other FG, there are bigger fish to fry.
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  • LOL!!! It sounds like your future sister in law is like that because she is allowed to get away with it. Your FI doesn't seem to have the nerve to speak up to his own sister.

    She was totally wrong. She needs to be spoken to very bluntly. It is not up to her to decide on the dress. You need to be forceful with her.
  • Nope, not what Lisa8888 said. 
  • cew515cew515
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    In Response to Re: She bought the dress!! :(:
    LOL!!! It sounds like your future sister in law is like that because she is allowed to get away with it. Your FI doesn't seem to have the nerve to speak up to his own sister. She was totally wrong. She needs to be spoken to very bluntly. It is not up to her to decide on the dress. You need to be forceful with her.
    Posted by Lisa8888
    Worst advice ever.
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  • She was rude to do that, but as long as it's not a horrible match I'd just blow it off; I've read enough threads on here about brides hating their FSIL's with a passion or at most the FSIL not caring about their wedding, at least yours sounds like she's excited about it and her daughter being in your wedding so you're already ahead of a lot of other people even with the inopportune dress purchase. :-)

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  • What Vegasgroom said.
  • What I'm drawn to is her asking you to come over to see if it matched and if that would go with what you wanted. It could be this dress was so cute she had to have it regardless.

    Z wore her FG dress to several Christmas parties, church, and her birthday before she grew out of it, so it is possible.

    That being said, when is your wedding? They grow fast at that age and if she's buying a dress now it's entirely possible it will be too small for her by the time of the wedding anyways.
  • I'm thinking she might want her daughter to wear it to something else. Kids grow fast and buying two fancy dresses in the span of one year is kinda wasteful, you know?

    She DID mention if it doesn't go with the color scheme she'll get a different dress, right? I'd probably tell her that you'll need to double check the dress colors and see if it works - but that you'll be sad if it doesn't, since it's unfortunate that she will have wasted her money on a dress without your input.

    Rather than a matching dress, I'd put the other flower girl ina  coordinating dress.
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