Moms and Maids

Mom trying to compete with Fiance's Mom HELP!!

            My mother has seemed to have a rule when it comes to my wedding – either she does it all, or she does nothing. I personally wanted my wedding to represent ME, so I decided to do it.

            All that’s left is the reception decorations. My future mother-in-law has been an enormous help without being overbearing. She has offered me tons of decorations like tulle, bows and candle votives.

            My mom and my fiance’s mom met for the first time, and my fiance’s mom showed my mom all the decorations she had that we were free to use.

            My mom did NOT like this. She later said to me “She seems to think she is going to be involved in this…” And told me we are NOT using any of her decorations. Without my knowing she recruited all her sisters and cousins to come decorate the day before the wedding. She does not want my fiance’s mom to be a help whatsoever, insisting that she is supposed to be a guest.

            And NOW suddenly, 40 days before the wedding, she is trying to completely take over the reception. She told me that it’s not about me and Zach, it’s about the parents throwing a party for their daughter so it’s HER job to do the decorating. She is being very pushy and acting like I will have nothing to do with it. I said, “But it’s MY wedding!” and she said “It’s not about what you want.”

            What do I do?? I had everything envisioned, and so far I haven’t liked any of my mom’s ideas. Part of me wants to give up. My mother is very overbearing and hard to stand up to. She’s trying to stress me out to the point where I DO give up.

What do you guys think? I leave it in her hands? She’s only doing it out of spite now but maybe she’d try super hard to make it beautiful to show up my fiance’s mom.. I just don’t know.

Re: Mom trying to compete with Fiance's Mom HELP!!

  • edited December 2011
    Ugh, you have one of THOSE moms. I read something once where the bride's parents told her they get all the gifts because the wedding is really about the parents.

    I think how you deal with it depends on your relationship. If it were my mom suddenly going crazy, I could flat-out tell her to stop being a bitch and let me do things my way. Actually, I did tell her once that I wasn't doing something the way she wanted and that was that, so to leave it alone. She got over it. But it was something trivial, not the entire reception.

    You're going to have to put your foot down. Tell her how you want things and how YOU are going to do things. Don't give her any part of the planning if she's going to act like it's her day, her party or whatever.
  • JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom has been known to be overbearing, but like seshat, we have a very open and honest relationship.  I just tell her like it is.  She even asks me now, "Am I being too pushy?"  (Most of that isn't wedding related, though. I am her last baby girl and she likes to "take care" of me.)

    My question is, who is paying?  If your mom is paying for everything, then, sorry, but she does get to make decisions.  If you all are paying, or your in laws, I would put my foot down and tell her, "sorry, but my fiance and I have it under control". 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    This wouldnt be the most polite thing to say but maybe tell her you will throw your own separate reception YOU AND YOUR FIANCE'S WAY for YOUR GUYS' DAY and wont show to her party....Totally juvenile, I know, but sometimes there are people who only hear things when you speak on their level
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp who asked who's paying.  The surest way to get the reception YOU want is to pay for your own wedding.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • reddamaskreddamask member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can inlist the aid of the reception hall at this point. If you are paying, or if your Finance's family is paying, then they are your employees. Simply give them a list of who is and who is not allowed in to decorate.

    One of the venues we looked at was having similar problems during our meeting with the staff. The groom's parents had been so rude that the bride and groom had un-invited them. Still they kept coming down to the reception area and demanding to come in and check it out before the big day. They also wanted the thier florist to come down and take a look at the space. They also were having their own baker make a cake. The staff contacted the florist and baker and said that niether would be admitted, nor would a cake of thiers be served and to not waste their time. They then polietly showed the grooms parents the space as often as they insisted on seeing it (one time of which was while we were inspecting the space--which is how I found out), but repeatedly let the parents know that they had been informed by the bride and groom that they werent on the guest list and would be denied entrance on the day of the event.

    The hostess we were working with also kept her cool and ignored them when they insisted that "the fat couple" (us) leave while they were looking at the location, since it was ruining the effect. She had them leave--reminding them that we were a booked appointment and we had given our permission to share the time when they showed up at the door.

    Just be glad your mom isnt that crazy.

    But I would talk to the hall. Let your mom, and all her sisters and cousins know, that if they do any work it will be in vain--cause they wont get in.

    Keep in mind though, your mom might refuse to show up to the wedding if you do.
  • edited December 2011
    I have to agree with Seshat.  If my mom were acting like that I would straight out tell her to knock it off and quit being a bitch.  If you and your FI are paying for this, then you need to tell your mom to back off!  Sometimes being nice about it will get you no where.  You may have to be blunt and harsh.
    1st pic of us together. Apparently I thought something was funny.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ~Holly and Jeff~
    image 232 Made the cut! image 96 Ready to party!
    image 44 Have better things to do!
    image 92 Are going to cause me to have a stroke!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards