Why do people think they don't have to RSVP????

snowdaisy822 · October 2012

Alright, this is really annoying me today! Our RSVP date was Saturday. I had about 20 couples who still hadn't RSVPed! I texted and e-mailed those who hadn't RSVPed and still have about 5 who haven't responded! Are you serious! Just tell me yes or no! It's like people don't realize that I have to send numbers to vendors and pay for them!

Also with that, I sent out the invites and put names if they had a significant other or something. I had one couple call who said that they were coming and their daughter had already RSVPed, but they said something about her bringing a date!!!! He was never invited and when she RSVPed, she didn't indicate that she was bringing someone! He would have been without a seat and sitting somewhere without her! Ugh! I am just annoyed with people who don't realize proper etiquette! How have you dealt with people not RSVPing?

augurey · October 2012

Sorry about your RSVP troubles! What about calling those last 5 just in case there was an issue with the text/email in which they did not receive it? I would just call & if you get their voicemail leave a message stating when you need their response by and if you don't hear from them by then that you will miss them at the wedding (basically saying I'm putting you down as a no if you don't hear by back x date).

Our RSVP issues have been entirely different - we sent out our invites & it turned out that our mail was/is screwed up & several people got theirs back. So we had to reach out to everyone at let them know that there was an issue with the mail. We didn't know about the problem until after people started sending them out (and we were advised of it & hadn't received them after we should have).

We still have a little over a week to go & have a few to hear back from. 2 are still waiting to see if they can get off work (my aunt who is supposed to bring my grandma). There are only 2 that we are waiting on (they have another wedding the same day - I have a feeling we'll have to contact them).

The Shower is another story. My mom is hosting & only a few have let her know. The majority have texted FI instead of letting my mom know. Others there was just no response.

Anyway, I hope you get the rest of the responses you need in time to turn in your numbers!

t12ubeauty · October 2012

I hear you. I had to hunt down quite a few towards the end. I don't understand why it's so hard. It's a SASE!!!

Miss_2010 · October 2012

Honestly, I had a lot pile in around the RSVP date and the week after. So I said "1 week after the RSVP date, we'll start calling" (myself, FI and my parents). Most were my family anyway. So basically I either called/emailed/or got somebody else to call. They either gave a verbal response or popped it in the mail. We did have about 4 couples who didn't do either, 1 said no after, 1 had to "think about wht they were doing ni November" and determined yes, another couple finally only the other day said no, and I am waiting on 1 more (but that is a health reason so I am not so harsh about it).

Essentially we just had the attitude, when the count is due in they will not be included. If they show up they either a) don't get a meal or b) if the servers have extra meals they can find a seat if one is available and eat.

I had more of an annoyance with my aunt wanting her 17 year old grandson's girlfriend invited. Anyway long story short between my parents and I, it was determined to keep the peace. But I had no problem saying "absolutely not".

Its annoying I know. But just take the stance and say "oh well if they don't respond by the time the headcount is due, they are assumed to be no...if they come, that is their problem not ours".

carrotop929 · October 2012

We make it so easy for them to respond! Its already stamped and addressed, just put your name and the number, it drove me crazy. We're 11 days away, and I'm still getting responses, at this point I just put everyone as yes and then reached out to them.

My fiance just moved to a new location for work and invited his new boss, first he wasn't coming. Now he's coming and he's bringing his girlfriend! But I just started with the attitude of Miss... if they don't respond even when I've reached out then they aren't coming. End of story. It actually feels good to that kind of absloute power

MissBehavinJess · October 2012

My RSVP date was last weekend and we got quite a few the day that they were due by. Still missing quite a few and will call them in the next couple of days. I addressed and stamped all the envelopes so I am not sure what is so hard about sticking them in the mail.

Two problems I have had - one couple we invited has rsvp'd back with there two grown kids that we do not know and were not invited. One guy told my moh that my fi didn't come to his wedding so he had no intention of mailing the rsvp back. He might show up and he might not. I told her to let him know that the rsvp was his meal ticket and without mailing it back there would be no food for him.

snowdaisy822 · October 2012

That's exactly how I'm feeling at this point! My mom finally just got a hold of one and she said "well.... we were thinking about it, but might also be heading south by then.. so we might show up". Wow! My mom was very frank with her and told her that we had to pay for everyone on Saturday and I'm working on a seating chart, so if they don't give us a for sure answer, they may not have a seat or food. Luckily I think we're down to only 3 more couples I'll be hunting down tonight. I have to give final numbers and final payments to our venue and dessert on Saturday. If I don't hear from them, they'll be sitting at random places, not with our friends, and maybe not getting food. It's so annoying!

One is a former roommate of mine and a friend since middle school and I would love her to come! I know she's thinking she'll just hop over if the roads are alright. We're already getting snow and she refuses to drive over the pass if there is snow.

Pattyb11 · October 2012

We had to hunt down quite a few answers as well. But the people who ESPECIALLY annoy me are people around my age who have just got married recently but STILL don't ever respond even after I reached out to them! HELLOOO! You just had a wedding not that long ago, don't you remember the stress of people who did not RSVP! So rude! She finally told me "maybe" so I just told her I would put her as a yes and hope to see her there.

lls31 · October 2012

We had to reach out to about 20 people that didn't respond by our due date. Some of them never received their invites (USPS FTW!). Some of them claimed that there was no due date on the response card (Um, yes there was...). Some of them claimed they were busy and forgot (I'm working full time, planning a wedding, and packing up our condo to move - and YOU'RE busy?!). We ended up getting verbal responses from everyone a few days after our listed due date.

We had a few people add guests, but since we were under the amount we budgeted for, we just let it go.

ehirschman · October 2012

We are having a small wedding(only planned on 25 guests-mostly family) And we had family RSVP and add relatives names to the card that were not on the invite(we ended up with 26 guests, so it is ok... but we had friends we wanted to invite once we had the NOs back from the family we knew wouldn't come but we had to invite out of courtesy). Now we have about 5 friends that we couldn't invite because we had relatives that got added onto RSVP cards(like three 2nd cousins who every time we see ask us what city are we living in and what are we doing for work).

We also didn't invite his mother's boyfriend because he is a drunken asshole who degrades women and his mom and him break up every other week. On her invite we had her name and her other son's name. We are pretty sure the boyfriend will show up and we don't have a seat for him, a name card, a dinner menu, nothing-as he was not on an invite or an rsvp(when you are having 1 table for you and 26 guests, it is hard to add in 1 more person).

So I am 11 days out and I am semi worried that my dream of a small intimate swanky dinner party is going to be ruined by an univited guest along with the family members that we did not invision and who do not understand the dress code/etc(they ask us why are you spending so much on a small wedding, what no choice for dinner(we are having a sit down 4 course meal with filet and shrimp as the main course). They have never been encouraging to our vision when I tell it to them-just negativity. And the uncle spent the same amount on a crappy(very cheesy, tacky not great quality) 50 person wedding for his daughter's second wedding recently- so not sure what is so bad about us spending the same amount on our first and hopefully only wedding for 26 guests.

ughhh just 11 days and get through the drama of his family

Leenie10 · October 2012

I'm feeling lucky because almost everyone responded by the deadline and not a one has invited someone extra. I have one friend who I haven't seen in forever that I have to check on and one cousin w/husband who I have to find out about. I cannot believe that people have the nerve to add random extras! I had never heard of it before reading TK.

Starangelgurl12 · October 2012

i feel you...our rsvp date is next week and we have not heard from half of our invites. How hard it is to check yes or no and put how many children and adults there wil be. We even put a stamp on the response card...SERIOUSLY GET WITH IT....

Miss_2010 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2012-weddings_why-do-people-think-they-dont-have-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:46c2f53c-680c-4532-aa96-4cca92890b59Discussion:1b0c8d6c-c425-47de-bae0-569a8ea3f108Post:12b970ee-41f3-46be-8154-585cba33b4c0">Re: Why do people think they don't have to RSVP????</a>:
[QUOTE]We had to hunt down quite a few answers as well. But the people who ESPECIALLY annoy me are people around my age who have just got married recently but STILL don't ever respond even after I reached out to them! HELLOOO! You just had a wedding not that long ago, don't you remember the stress of people who did not RSVP! So rude! She finally told me "maybe" so I just told her I would put her as a yes and hope to see her there.
Posted by Pattyb11[/QUOTE]

Oh my goodness...yes! I have said this to people so many times in conversation. People are married on a year or whatever and I keep saying "doesn't take long for them to forget how it feels because when they got married all I heard about was their RSVP and wedding things".

I've also come across the "been there, done that, got the t shirt" attitude from a couple of girls I am friends with and to be honest, that is a little hurtful because well...it wasn't that long ago they were in the same position. The worst one for this is actually one of my bridesmaids who got married last year. Her wedding was all we heard and now with ours, we don't even mention it unless she brings it up.

AlmostMrsStrong · October 2012

I'm grateful that my vendors don't need exact numbers and we didn't do a seating chart, because I haven't heard from roughly have of my invite list! Sigh...

librababy · November 2012

Well I still have about a week before rsvp's are due but out of 190 guests invited I have only heard from 24 or so.... those are the ones that rsvp'd. Some people in ffil's family have told him they are going, but why not rsvp with me like it states on the RSVP card? It's not hard either. I made it super simple: call or text or email. I ill be hunting down rsvp's as I need an exact number... rsvp's due the 10th but givin people until the 17th... who I have not heard from will be considered an no...sorry.

Why do people think they don't have to RSVP????

Re: Why do people think they don't have to RSVP????

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