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getting married early in order to buy a house

runningjo916runningjo916 member
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in Military Brides
Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
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Re: getting married early in order to buy a house

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:e8f0589e-c917-4bac-92f9-74631d92565f">getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
    Posted by runningjo916[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's a decision only you and your FI can make.  Personally I only wanted 1 wedding day, because to me that's all there should be.  And houses come around all the time, so to me it definitely wouldn't be worth it. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you do decide to do a JOP to buy the house, be open and honest with your family and friends and let them know you're already married and they will be attending a religious ceremony/vow renewal.  </div>
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
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    edited December 2011
    Is your FI AD? I'm assuming not since you want to buy a house. To me.. It just wouldn't be worth it. As wonderful as my wedding day was... it wouldn't have felt as special if I was already married. We talked about JOP so that I could go to Japan to be with my H, but we both decided that we wanted 1 wedding day. You can renew your vows every year, but thats not your wedding day. Thats just a day you said your vows again. You can do it on your anniversary, or on a tuesday, but the fact is, You're already married.

    Beach is right... Houses come and go... Your wedding day, is supposed to be forever.
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    ESquared423ESquared423 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:e8f0589e-c917-4bac-92f9-74631d92565f">getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Me and my fiancee are getting married by the courts in a few weeks, and by the church next summer</strong>. The reason why we are getting married early is in order to get a VA loan for a house that we really really want. It is our dream to be homeowners. I want this to happen however part of me doesnt want to regret jumping the gun and on my wedding day not being about to think " I'm getting married today". Instead I will think " I'm getting married today, oh wait....I'm already married". Its really hard to determine which one I want more. I kind of want the house more....but on my wedding day I might regret it. So confused!!
    Posted by runningjo916[/QUOTE]

    You will only be getting married once. You will only have one wedding day and that day is the day you exchange vows, sign the papers, and commit yourselves to one another. Like dnbeach said, you need to be completely honest with friends and family about your plans. Don't try to "trick" them into attending a "wedding" next summer, because that is not what it will be. If it means a lot to you to have your big, white, traditional wedding, then you should consider waiting. You can't have your cake and eat too, know what I mean? Marriage should be about one thing: love. Not a material object like a house. Are your current living arrangements such that you cannot wait 1 more year? You will have the rest of your lives to be homeowners..and being a homeowner is more than having your dream house, there are a lot of responsibilities and stress that come along with being homeowners. What is more important to you? A house or a wedding day? That is what you need to really think about and decide on before you make such a big decision. Good luck!
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't care about people getting married for whatever random reason because it's not my life. I would only JOP if the United States military became involved full force in another war, and that would only be so I could immediately enlist and not have to break up with FI. 

    However, if you're not financially ready to buy a house without the small increase in BAH between single and dependent rate, you're probably not ready. I really want to start my marriage fiscally sound, and getting married to only become house poor doesn't sound like it's a good call at all, no matter how much you love this house. There will be other houses.
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    shan87shan87
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    All I have to add is that if your FI is AD, why would you want to rush to purchase a home if you are going to be moving so much? It may be your dream house, but then the military moves you and you will have to sell your dream house and move again... its better not to get so attached until he is done serving. Just MHO, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
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    LuluP82LuluP82 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:10ff618d-6fcd-4085-aa93-03a065ea843b">Re: getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]All I have to add is that if your FI is AD, why would you want to rush to purchase a home if you are going to be moving so much? It may be your dream house, but then the military moves you and you will have to sell your dream house and move again... its better not to get so attached until he is done serving. Just MHO, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
    Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

    Yeah we see people all the time who buy houses and then have a such a headache with renting or selling in a downmarket. I really, really don't understand buying a house while on AD!
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    ESquared423ESquared423 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:80a5736a-70df-4bba-9919-ec270c11a56c">Re: getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married early in order to buy a house : Yeah we see people all the time who buy houses and then have a such a headache with renting or selling in a downmarket.<strong> I really, really don't understand buying a house while on AD!</strong>
    Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

    Totally agree!
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    BumgardnerBumgardner
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    edited December 2011
    As most everyone has said this is a decision between you and your fiance.  It sounds l ike you are pretty unsure and if you feel like you are going to regret having a JOP wedding followed by a church ceremony then don't do it.

    However, I have several friends that did a JOP wedding to save money and then went on to have a church ceremony.  In two cases no one knew but themselves and a few close friends.  To me, no one should be passing judgement on you.  This is between you and your fiance because ultimately the love you share is constant and you do not have to own up or explain yourselves to anyone. it is my experience that on these boards many military wives hold bitterness to women who want to go ahead and go to the JOP. This may have to do with the fact that some were not able to have a larger church wedding.

    So all I am saying is to do what's best for you but to not let anyone make you feel ashamed either.
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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:94e5148e-b2f5-4405-b485-f3d976349132">Re: getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]As most everyone has said this is a decision between you and your fiance.  It sounds l ike you are pretty unsure and if you feel like you are going to regret having a JOP wedding followed by a church ceremony then don't do it. However, I have several friends that did a JOP wedding to save money and then went on to have a church ceremony.  In two cases no one knew but themselves and a few close friends.  To me, no one should be passing judgement on you.  This is between you and your fiance because ultimately the love you share is constant and you do not have to own up or explain yourselves to anyone. <strong>it is my experience that on these boards many military wives hold bitterness to women who want to go ahead and go to the JOP.</strong> <strong>This may have to do with the fact that some were not able to have a larger church wedding.</strong> So all I am saying is to do what's best for you but to not let anyone make you feel ashamed either.
    Posted by Bumgardner[/QUOTE]

    Most of the people that get up in arms about a JOP plus a church ceremony later did not have a JOP.  This has nothing to do with what they could or could not have.  Really, what they want is for the girls making this decision not to regret it later and also to be honest with their guests. 
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
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    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with Sammy (and not just because we share a similar name)

    I'm not bitter about anything. I HATE when couples JOP and then lie about it. I'm pretty sure thats what most of us have an issue with. You are only getting married once. Renew your vows every other day for all I care, but you're already married. Guests deserve to know that they are going to a VR and not a wedding. I just recently had a good friend get married to AD AF in a JOP ceremony because thats what they wanted. I think that alot of couples jump into a JOP because they think thats the only way to "get what they want" be that more money, a house, a car, whatever. The raise in pay is not even that significant. I also think alot of brides feel pressured into a JOP ceremony by deployments, or orders or whatever, and then regret it later and so they blame H, or the military, when in reality no one forced them into a JOP, they chose that for thier wedding day and they have to live with that. I know that almost every little girl dreams of her wedding day, but you can plan a really nice wedding day with 5 weeks or 5 months.

    OP, I don't understand why you feel you have to JOP right now in order to buy a house. Granted, I've never bought a house, but it just seems to me like if you're getting married by the church in a few months, why not wait on the house till your wedding day and then look into the house. What if you JOP to get this house, and then something falls through? Are you going to regret getting married in a JOP ceremony? My guess is probably.
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    iluvmy0341iluvmy0341
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    edited December 2011
    LOL wow everyone is so against going to the courthouse! We actually were engaged for 2 weeks then married in the courthouse after the USMC Birthday Ball. We didn't do it to buy a house or anything, just seemed like something fun to do at the time :-) Well getting him out of the barracks was def a plus! We're having our big family wedding (or vow renewal) over the 4th of July 96. Do whatever you want to do. I don't think it really hit either of us that we were getting married until the judge said we could kiss! hahah we actually screwed up the ceremony part...I really wish we had gotten it all on video but we didn't have anyone with us.
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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:bff17687-6b38-4b08-936d-eca9b8507799">Re: getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]LOL wow everyone is so against going to the courthouse! We actually were engaged for 2 weeks then married in the courthouse after the USMC Birthday Ball. We didn't do it to buy a house or anything, <strong>just seemed like something fun to do at the time :-) Well getting him out of the barracks was def a plus!</strong> We're having our big family wedding (or vow renewal) over the 4th of July 96. Do whatever you want to do. I don't think it really hit either of us that we were getting married until the judge said we could kiss! hahah we actually screwed up the ceremony part...I really wish we had gotten it all on video but we didn't have anyone with us.
    Posted by iluvmy0341[/QUOTE]


    No one is against the courthouse.  They are against lying about the courthouse.  I did a JOP as my ONLY ceremony because DH and I do not like "big to-dos" when it comes to anything.  We're very low key.

    The bolded concerns be a bit.  You really had your JOP because it seemed like fun and getting him out of the barracks was such a good idea?  There are other ways to get out of the barracks and typically people get married because they love eachother not because it will be fun.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In total agreement with Sammy. FI was in the junior enlisted barracks for a while (after rating single BAH while on recruiting duty) as an E5 because the barracks were so empty thanks to "get out of the barracks" marriages. When E5 single BAH was rescinded for this base, all of the sergeants joked they were going "wife-hunting". Eventually, FI got his single BAH back, but neither of us had ever considered getting married so he could move out of the bricks. 

    None of us are against JOP marriages, as long as people take them seriously for what they are. Marriages. Not just signing paper. Not just making more $$. But marriage. And we don't condone dishonesty. 


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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Stan, Sammy, and Sami.  I am not at all bitter about weddings, and I sure as hell didn't get shorted on my own wedding.  We had our big wedding that we wanted, and didn't do a JOP before for any reason.  So really, I think that it a horrible statement to make about military spouses.  I don't have to be bitter about my own wedding to think that you should be getting married for the right reasons.  

    Nobody here is against JOP's.  We are against quick JOP's because "it seemed like fun at the time," to move out of the barracks, to get extra money, an impending deployment, and/or you just don't want to wait anymore.  Regardless, that's your choice and your life.  What we are REALLY against though is lying to your friends and family that you love and care about and fooling them into thinking they are attending your one and only wedding, when what they are really attending is a vow renewal, or basically a PPD (pretty princess day).  

    What we DESPISE is people referring to the JOP as just "signing papers."  It is not just signing papers.  It is a marriage, and should never be taken lightly.
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    iluvmy0341iluvmy0341
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Woah woah woah! I didn't mean we did a contract marriage! We've been dating for awhile! I just meant it seemed fun to have a ceremony to ourselves. And it was :-) It was like something we shared together and not with a hundred people who could care less.
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't/didn't invite people to my wedding who "couldn't care less". If I or DH felt that they "couldn't care less" we wouldn't have wasted an invitation on them!!
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_getting-married-early-order-buy-house?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c20f84c1-e55e-4813-9bb2-012de1ab71ecPost:e03dd5b6-8ccc-4379-9cd0-1678c044a67f">Re: getting married early in order to buy a house</a>:
    [QUOTE]None of us are against JOP marriages, as long as people take them seriously for what they are. Marriages. Not just signing paper. Not just making more $$. But marriage. And we don't condone dishonesty. 
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]


    This.  All this.  Why does every little princess think we're just here to be bitter old hags?  Is this truly an awful thing to disapprove of?  Since when is it a good thing to start off your marriage by lying to everyone you know, abusing the system to get financial benefits rather than waiting and paying for your own sh*t in the meantime like every other non-military adult in the country?  Since when is it a bad thing to say, "You should get married for the sake of getting married, in whatever way you want to get married, with two stipulations - do it simply because you want to get married, and don't lie to anyone about it."

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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    iluvmy...

    I read another post of yours and am suprised you don't agree with everyone who is saying "don't lie to your guests if you are already married".  I believe you have personal experience with your family being angry with you about this. 

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