Florida-South Florida

Share your thoughts on keeping/changing your last name

It seems like 99% of SoFlo Knotties changed/are changing their last name after marriage. I kept mine, and while I felt really strongly about it, I also struggled with it because of what to do with kids in the future. Our solution was to decide to name our kids with our two last names (unhyphenated), expecting that when they get married they'd drop mine probably.

I'm really curious what made you decide to keep or change your last name and would love to hear your thoughts if you'd like to share!

Re: Share your thoughts on keeping/changing your last name

  • avee10avee10
    500 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    Im chaniing it.  although it is weird to think that after being Adriana R. for 30 years I will now be Adriana V., I still want to do it.  Mostly because my mom never kept her last name when she got married and growing up I hated that she did not have my same last name.

    Luckily I dont have a middle name so I wont have to completely get rid of the R  I will just make it my middle name :  Adriana R. V.
  • edited December 2011
    I want to have the same last name as my kids and hubby. Also, my last name is very common and for years I get confused with other people so I am ready and happy to change it.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree! I am changing it because I want to have the same last name as my children 
  • babytecbabytec
    1000 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    def. changing it but since i don't have a middle name, my current last name will be my middle name.
  • Dee729Dee729
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    edited December 2011
    I'm changing it...to be honest...its all I ever knew...when you get married you change it.  But I do know that now-a-days times have changed and more woman are keeping their name or using both.  I support that.  I just chose to change it.  Tired of having my last name...would like to take Garrett's.  I tired of people calling us at all our asking if we are "open".  I share my last name with a chain of florida grocery stores...Winn-Dixie. (minus the dixie part)...so in the phone book I come up, Winn, D.  I had to PAY the phone company to erase our home number....how crazy is that?!
  • edited December 2011
    I have 11 months to go think about this, but plan on keeping my name or hyphenating for a few reasons, including:

    I have been practicing law for 5+ years and just think it would be easier for professional reasons.

    Also, my last name will essentially die out and there's a desire to keep it going - my dad had one sister whose kids are much older and did not have children - and I have no brothers.

    As for kids, the plan is that they would take Tom's last name and maybe give them my last name as a middle name.
  • edited December 2011
    I debated this too and said from the start that I was going to keep my last name.  We had a few disagreements over this over the last few years.  It was more because it is time consuming and confusing to change it professionally.  My degree and license would have to be changed. 

    Although after the engagement, I changed my mind because it really meant a lot to my fiance.  So I will be changing it to his, which happens to be a very uncommon name and one that I think sounds like a disease.  I will now have to learn to always say and then spell out my last name.
  • JillianLLJillianLL
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    edited December 2011
    I couldn't wait to change mine! I wore a tank top to my brunch the next morning that said Mrs. L***
    I have never liked my maiden name and always hoped to meet a guy with a good last name and I did!
    Besides I have a brother who can carry on our name. My Mother changed her maiden name to her middle name, which I contemplated, but ultimately decided not to do.
    I wanted to change it to feel like a real family and have people associate us with one another. And also to have the same last name as my children. 
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  • edited December 2011
    So we've been engaged 15 months and I only finally came to terms with changing it about a month and a half ago.

    At first I was like it's so messed up that I have to change my last name!   I like it!  And it's my Daddy's.  And then I started getting all into the whole philosophical men-owning-women thing.  But when you think about it- it makes sense.  Until ~50/60 years ago women didn't work.  So where as now it's kind of a pain bc I have to get my two diplomas chaged before it wouldn't make a difference at all.  And since women weren't working we needed to be taken care of. So I'm not so mad at society for opressing women or whatever - I get it.

    But then a few months ago I was really feeling the changes from being engaged.  And what I do feel is that we make it seem like marriage is the best possible thing to ever happen to a woman and that for men, it's like they're losing apart of themselves and such a big deal.  And I think that's stupid- I think for both sexes marriage is the best thing that can ever happen and a huge deal where you will become another person.  So in order to truly embrace that change and go into this marriage to be one I'm dropping my maiden name completely.

    Like EE Cummings said,

    "one's not half two. it's two are halves of one."


    Sorry this ended up being a book, I'm just a crazy hippie and thought wayy too much about this <3

  • bluebookbluebook
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Wow, really interesting. I feel like a huge feminist right now, and I never really considered myself to really be one. Mind you, if I didn't like my last name for some reason I would probably change it, but I never thought I had to ... and thank goodness my husband didn't mind either way (hey, I'm not making him change his name why should he make me change mine?)

    It does upset me about children, why do they get the men's name automatically? It actually really makes me angry still.  I know that our "solution" (doing both names) is not ideal. It is how it's done in Spain though, for example, where it would be WEIRD to have the same name as your husband because only your BROTHERS would have that name.  How different coming from a different background is no? (In Puerto Rico, where I'm currently living, they do the same thing, everyone has two last names, their dad's and their mom's)
  • edited December 2011
    Ive always felt that changing the last name was the right thing to do...hey if my kids are going to have his last name ...and we are ONE family why have two last names...

    Last names where not changed to enslave woman or make them lose themselves last names are used to identify families...so if Im starting a new family we should all have the same last name...make sence to me

    Plus I HATE my last name (its so long and confusing) so ive always wanted to change it anyways lol

    I totally do get why some ppl dont change it especially if you have a proffesion and dont want to deal with having to change it on everything...also it is a pain in the butt to have to change everything as it is.... but im still looking forward to it :)
  • Dee729Dee729
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    edited December 2011
    Dalie -

    you are NOT a feminist.  You have your reasons and you should stand by them.  I thought hard about it too.  You are very lucky your husband is okay with you keeping your name...Garrett was very hurt and upset when I first brought up the subject...not sure why...I think its a male ego thing.

    If I was in high professional career, I would NOT have changed my name...that name brought me to where I was and it might be hard to change it.

    Stick with your gut

    Love you girl!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm keeping both, i just like that my kids would have both of our last names.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm keeping mine.  For a lot of the same reasons as everyone else.  And I'm really looking forward to it.  I have a large family so my name isnt going to die out or anything.  I know plenty of women who kept theirs or hyphynated etc.  i really feel that in this day and age anything goes.  Children do not automatically get their fathers last names, they get whatever name is written on their birth certificates.  I have a friend who kept her name, he kept his, and their kids have both last names. 

    In a world where people name their children />>>>>>>(fill in the blank with any crazy celebrity baby name)~ I'm sure no one would notice a Jenny Rodriguez Fernandez or a Kelly Smith Klien.  lol. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Dalie I totally understand where you are coming from. I think it is especially hard for women who have accomplished much without their husband to give up the name they did it under.  

    I found myself in this same position and also found that in the legal field it is very common for the woman to keep her name. 

    However, I am dropping my middle name and moving my last name to the middle and taking his name.  I will NOT be changing my name on any diplomas and my law school degree will have my maiden name on it even though we are getting married a week after graduation.  This was a joint decision because I earned it as me with that name. I will sit for the Bar under his name though.

    I had many reasons for changing mine, many similar to PP:
    --I want to have the same name as my kids
    --I was always at the end of the alphabet and had to line up last and hated it, I felt like it was fate that my FI's last name was a C!  Woohoo I move up like 15 spots!
    --I have a last name that no one can ever spell and it is so annoying, my new last name is very simple.
    --My name is looooong- as in many letters.  My new last name has 4 sweet letters in it!
    --Most importantly to me in the end was that we are pretty traditional when it comes to marriage and it was very very important to my FI that I have his name.  If it meant that much to him then it means that much to me.  

    I think you made a great decision for you and you know what, you can always change your mind and take his name legally, but go by your maiden name professionally.  That might solve your having the same name as your kids thing.  Good Luck!
  • Dee729Dee729
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    edited December 2011
    Tiff-

    I can SOOOO relate to being at the end of the alphabet....try the letter W...I always sat in the back of the room!  Now I'll be a P...middle is better than the end!

    I will keep all my degrees and everything I earned with my last name as well....I had no second thoughts ever on changing that!

    Women united!
  • Lacey36Lacey36
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I will be hypenating my last name with his, but our kids will have his last name. I love my last name and can not part with it so i figured I would keep it. I still have a bout 2 1/2 months left so I may change my mind. When do you need a definite answer? When you get marriage license?
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  • edited December 2011
    Dalie, I love this thread ;)

    I was VERY much against it when I first got engaged. I am a complete daddy's girl and grandpa's favourite, so I wanted to keep their last name all the way.

    Soon my thinking changed. I think my dad and grandpa gave me things more valuable than a name, and hey, what's in a name? I love Craig enough to marry him, I love him enough to change my name, at least that's what my mum in law said.

  • Jeni10cscJeni10csc
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I love my last name.  And I always wanted to keep it and hyphenate.. mostly because it will be dying off because we are 4 girls with my last name.  My dad and his brother had 2 girls each and that's it. 

    BUT I'm changing it... It's one of those things FI feels really strongly about.  He doesn't see why I would need to keep my last name at all if we are starting a new family.  I just think hyphenating it with his last name-my last name (yes I was even willing to put mine second! LOL) should be a compromise.  And either way, I'll still be known as Mrs. C_____ once we have kids. That's my opinion, But I see it as a big wedding present and really, it's just not a battle I'm willing to pick so I'm changing it.

     However, I do want to travel to a certain country before I change because my new last name is the same as a very well-known dictator so I might have trouble traveling to certain places. LOLOL.  He was okay with that =)

  • edited December 2011
    Wow, I missed quite a topic today.  Dalie, I, like you, will be keeping my last name. One, FI loves my name and doesn't want me to change it and two, his last name doesn't go with mine.

    My sister never changed her and she has a dfferent last name than my niece. It's never been a big deal and my niece is better than explaining it than anyone.  And my sister and her husband have been married for over 20 years.
  • Dana JRDana JR
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm keeping my name. FI doesn't care, despite his southern upbringing. I'll reconsider if/when we have kids or if my career doesn't go anywhere. lol!
  • edited December 2011
    haha i came back in here to see what else people have posted..(i love to see different points of view)..so anyways i decided to ask my FI why he doesnt change his last name to mines (lol hey why not)..i cant post here what his responce was! LOL....

    Anyways i just want the same last name i didnt say whos..hahahaha...

    BTW we had never really talked about it but apperently he feels very strong about me taking his name...good to know :) and yes I agree with pp this was a good topic to post!!!
  • bluebookbluebook
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Wow this is such an interesting discussion!!

    Here's some of the stuff that kinda bugs me, and I hope no one takes it personally. I'm just saying in general.

    First it's kind of assumed that women will change their name. Really, why can't BOTH people change their names to a different, third name? Or the guy change HIS name? That bugs me.

    The other thing is that with lawyers, and Tiff this might be the reason why you've seen most lawyers keep their names, I've always understood (though come to think of it, I don't have a citation or anything :) that we cannot be like regular people and have different names we use in different aspects of our "official" life. At the very least, our professional name has to be whatever is in the diplomas. The idea is that your diploma and bar membership cannot be under Maria Maidenname but to the world you go as Maria Husbandname, including on your firm's website and when you sign documents. People could not find your disciplinary records, lawsuits, etc. So that's I think one of the reasons people don't want to go through the trouble of changing everything. And yes I do have a peer-reviewed publication under my name which would be "lost" if I changed my name so that's a consideration too.

    My hubbie was a bit unnerved at first, but when I explained that I didn't see why he would want me to change his name if he had no intention of changing his (I would've been ok with a third "family" name), then he was totally ok with it and agreed that it was unfair.

    I understand though that men have been brought up to think this is normal and that they could be bothered by this. But it BOTHERS me that that's the case. Men should NOT be bothered. They should be cool with whatever we decide (and I just mean this in GENERAL, like as a society I want a society where men are NOT bothered and realize that this has nothing to do with your commitment etc. etc.).

    Oh and I know feminist is a "dirty" word, so I don't use it myself often, but with regards to this, I don't mind calling myself a feminist -- in the sense that, I'm totally cool with whatever women want to do and I think they should have the choice to keep their names, change them, or do whatever else they can come up with. However, and here is where the feminist part comes in, I think in order for it to truly be a "choice" the average man has to be completely ok with women doing any of the above, including keeping their name. So that's why I'm bothered I guess.

    Sorry for the long novel!! :)
  • edited December 2011
    Im still struggling with this. I THINK I want to take his name but keep mine too but I still have not done it officially. I love my maiden name. I like the new one too but Its hard to give it up. b/C of kids I think I'll take it but I don't know when. Maybe when I get pregnant that will make me want to really take the steps to make it a legal change.

    For now, the change on Facebook is about as official as I will get ;)
  • edited December 2011
    This really was a good topic to post. I will be changing mine. It doesn't change my initials though. Both last names start with an L. I will be glad there will be no more misspellings or mispronounciations anymore. His last name is easier to both spell and pronounce. I will be hyphenating it for work though as I work in a hospital lab and when we get inspected our license is part of the inspection. I won't be changing my degree.
  • citytoshore09citytoshore09
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Jaime - I changed my name on Facebook, but not legally. I love my name and I don't want to change it professionally. My mom didn't change her name for a long time, I think till after my brother and I were born, but they still called her Mrs. DadsLastName and there wasn't a lot of confusion. I love her maiden name.

    I have no problem giving our kids his last name, but for now I'm fine with our names being separate. :)
  • edited December 2011
    Absolutely keeping my name.  I am a modern bride who thinks- why do I have to become a different person?  With that said, the hyphenation is a bit cumbersome so the kids will take his name, the family name.
  • edited December 2011

    I think change it or not goes totally to who you are, your culture and how you were raised.
    I'm from latin america where you do not change names, I've been always D.Silva and i will always be, but i'm ok for those who want to change their names because is a culture and a dream.

    For me it will be a little be weird because i will feel like I'm my husband sister and not his wife jejejeje. He does not have an issue with it, he is American-Canidian and the only think that he asked me was that he wanted our kids to have his last name and i said that OFF COURSE.

    It is something about identity, i dont see my self with other last name, my carrier, my achivements, my documents, etc.

    At the end, change it or not what ever you decided, you always going to be a WIFE, a MOM and a FAMILY...

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