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FIL advice - they freaked over invites...

NotARegAENotARegAE
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
(CN at bottom - didn't expect it to be this long. Sorry.)

Well, FI and I have been working things out, have started going to couples counseling, and things are going much much better for us... thank you to everyone for the support in my previous posts. However, invites are going out and have apparently caused a HUGE problem.

Background: my [divorced] parents are paying for everything related to the wedding.
Invites say something along the lines of
Mr. and Mrs. Stepdad/Mom
and
Mr. and Mrs. Dad/Stepmom
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter
NOT A REG
to
NOT A REG'S FI
on date/time/place....

FI's parents are horribly offended that they are not listed. It started yesterday as "no one on FI's side will know who he is without their names!" (We sent STDs to every one of them and those only listed mine & FI's names.)

Then it became a sign of disrespect by my family, with FFIL telling FI that they "now see how my family feels about them". And because FI tried to defend my family/myself, they have shut off all contact with him - told him they do not want to talk to him, don't want to see him, and they have apparently cancelled the rehearsal dinner that they had been planning to host (and will instead be inviting only their family members to their house following the rehearsal). His father went so far as to say "Don't be surprised if we don't show up [to the wedding]."

I'm really not worried about the rehearsal - my parents or even FI and I can cover that. But FI is very upset at how his parents are treating him, and I am looking for a way to help smooth things over. FI had nothing to do with picking out the invites or the wording, so his parents' reaction against him is totally unfair. What's done is done - we can't have the invites reprinted at this point. Any tips for moving forward?

CN: Brides parents are paying for everything related to wedding ceremony & reception. Invites only list bride's parents names (no "son of" for groom). Groom's parents are horribly offended & feel completely disrespected that their names were not listed and have cut contact with groom, cancelled the rehearsal dinner they were hosting, and have told groom they may not show up to the wedding. Groom had nothing to do with invite wording (bride & bride's parents ordered them). Were bride's parents in the wrong? What can be done now to help smooth things over?

TYIA.
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Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...

  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    While it was etiquette-correct to list your parents if they were the hosts, I can understand why his parents are upset by it.  We just wrote "Together with their families" since my parents contributed a bundle towards the wedding and H's did not.

    There's really not much you can do about it now but apologize profusely for hurting their feelings.  I think it is childish of them to cancel the rehearsal dinner or not come to the wedding, but maybe if your FI talks to them they will change their minds.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    First, you have done nothing wrong.  You have worded your invites correctly because your parents and their spouses are hosting (payin for) the wedding.  So the wording is correct in showing who is hosting the party.

    Second, I think it is horrible that just because of the invites that your FI parents have cut all contact with him.  There has to be something more that is upsetting them then just because their names were not on the invites (which they shouldn't be since they aren't paying for it).

    I think you need to give all sides some time to cool down before trying to resolve anything.  When some time has passed you need to sit down with his parents and let them know that you did not mean any disresepct with the invites, that they way they are worded is how they should be since your parents are hosting the event.  It wasn't like you only listed your parents because his parents don't matter.

    It is honestly amazing how a wedding brings out the worst in people.


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  • Carrie81677Carrie81677
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    It probably would have been more politic to do the "son of" convention, since I don't think that indicates they are contributing/hosting (someone please correct me if that's an error), but since the invites are already printed, that's a moot point.

    The only thing I can suggest is to have your fiancee talk to his parents, and express that it's important to him to have them at the wedding.  If you feel up to it, maybe the four of you could even sit down together--maybe at a restaurant or other neutral location?

    Their reaction seems over the top, but it seems like things will only be worse if they don't attend the wedding.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm a douche and I'd just call their bluff.  "Sorry you feel that way, we'll miss you a lot at the wedding!"

    But that might be not the most helpful or politic thing to do.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:e0df8686-fe2f-449d-8451-47939b539012">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a douche and I'd just call their bluff.  "Sorry you feel that way, we'll miss you a lot at the wedding!" But that might be not the most helpful or politic thing to do.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]


    This.

    These people are nuts.  And?  They raised your FI which is concerning.

    At the very least, you get to deal with his nutty family for the rest of your life.  Worst case, you find out he's just as nuts.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • NotARegAENotARegAE
    First Comment
    When ordering invitations, we did bring up "son of" to the woman we were working with, but she told us since they were not paying for anything (and thus were not hosts), that it was best to leave them off, especially since there was already two lines of parents being that my parents are divorced & hosting together.

    One of the few things my mom has been insistant upon is that she be listed by name (along with my stepdad) on the invites, as they are hosting. Thus why we did not go the "together with their families" route.


    FFIL told FI last night that "it's their son's wedding too!" and thus they should have been listed. This was before hanging up on him (we were at my parents house stuffing envelopes so we can get invites out today/tomorrow) and then refusing to communicate any further. FI's only contact at this point is his younger sister who continued to text back and forth with him last night after his parents ceased contact.


    I understand where they are coming from, though I do not necessarily agree with their feelings. I certainly don't agree with how they are handling things, and I feel horrible for FI. I wish I could say the overreaction is out of the blue, but unfortunately it's sort of to be expected from his parents (especially his mom); he's the middle child (of 5) and has always been sort of the black sheep, so to speak. But I can tell this is really affecting him and I want nothing more than to tell them to suck it up and stop hurting their son over something (that I view as) so petty.

    We are giving them a few days to calm down and I believe my parents will be trying to contact them to explain that this is what we were told by our invititation designer and that it was never meant as a sign of disrespect or rudeness.
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  • dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:e0df8686-fe2f-449d-8451-47939b539012">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a douche and I'd just call their bluff.  "Sorry you feel that way, we'll miss you a lot at the wedding!" But that might be not the most helpful or politic thing to do.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>Me too.</div><div>
    </div><div>Ugh.  They can feel hurt if they want, but their reaction was childish and way over the top.  But, beyond all, have you FI deal with them.  Avoid getting yourself or your parents in the middle.</div>
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  • NotARegAENotARegAE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:87c9fc08-daf4-4820-b496-06cc0177538f">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : This. These people are nuts.  And?  They raised your FI which is concerning. At the very least, you get to deal with his nutty family for the rest of your life.  Worst case, you find out he's just as nuts.
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

    After this whole ordeal, I absolutely see why FI and I have trouble communicating effectively at times. Luckily, the counseling has been helping.

    I'm absolutely prepared to call their bluff, but I don't tolerate a lot of FMIL's shiz as it is. I told FI yesterday that if they fail to show up - or if they show up and act like douches to him - that it will be on them, not him. But I can tell he's still very hurt by everything. For his sake, I'd like things smoothed over.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    If this is a pattern of behaviour, I'd be EVEN more inclined to not try to soothe or coddle them. I'd set the course now for not putting up with their childish tantrums.
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  • dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'll just continue to nod along with what Muni says...
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    WHY do people think their names belong on an invitation if they are not hosting?  It seems that this has become a feel good thing rather than people having knowledge of proper etiquette.  An invitation is issued by the hosts, period.  It is nice if you want to list the other parents but they are not entitled to be listed if they are not hosting.

    Might be nice to show them what Crane and Emily Post have to say so they can see this is accepted and proper etiquette.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:2e4c23f1-a9a9-4688-936b-4c1cbd86e360">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : After this whole ordeal, I absolutely see why FI and I have trouble communicating effectively at times. Luckily, the counseling has been helping. I'm absolutely prepared to call their bluff, but I don't tolerate a lot of FMIL's shiz as it is. I told FI yesterday that if they fail to show up - or if they show up and act like douches to him - that it will be on them, not him. But I can tell he's still very hurt by everything. For his sake, I'd like things smoothed over.
    Posted by NotARegAE[/QUOTE]

    Glad the counselling is helping. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    They can put their names on the rehearsal dinner invitations....oh wait.

    I like Liatris's wording if you ever get a chance to actually speak with them.

    You said their behavior/reaction is not out of the blue, so did you know they might react poorly in this situation? I feel like you might have had an inclination because you asked about it with the invitation maker.
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited June 2012

    I would do just as you're planning -- give it a few days to cool down and then either you or your parents explain how this occurred and that it wasn't meant to be disrespectful. I'd even go so far as to fall on the sword for your FI and state very clearly that your FI had nothing to do with it, it was totally the invitation designer, and that he shouldn't receive any blame and that you take all the blame.

    If that doesn't smooth things over and they continue to be petulant children about this, then I agree on calling their bluff. Apologizing is all you can do. If they don't see that and want to continue whining, too bad. I highly doubt they'll actually miss the wedding and as muni said, standing up to them will be an indication that they can't pull this shiz with you guys anymore.

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  • NotARegAENotARegAE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:d8c9ac2a-0829-4e93-975d-f844507319b6">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]They can put their names on the rehearsal dinner invitations....oh wait. I like Liatris's wording if you ever get a chance to actually speak with them. You said their behavior/reaction is not out of the blue, so did you know they might react poorly in this situation? I feel like you might have had an inclination because you asked about it with the invitation maker.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    His mom tends to overreact about things, but I never suspected this would be an issue. FMIL hosted my shower (also yesterday) and only included her name on the invite, despite asking my mom to help with a lot of the details... my mom couldn't care less.

    I assumed they would put their names - and only their names - on the rehearsal dinner invites and that would be that.

    I did ask the invitation maker only because I'd seen it done both ways. My parents take is that traditionally the bride's parents hosts, so the bride's parents go on the invitation - that's the route we went. Had I (or my parents) known it would become the 3rd World War by not having their names on there, we would have squeezed it on, no questions asked.
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  • malakellemalakelle
    First Comment
      I agree with Mun1, don't let them roll over you now, other wise you will set behavior for years to come. (All holidays, grandkids) Long as you and your Fi are in the same page, stand your ground.
     I did just our names on the invitations because my fi and I was paying for everything. My mom threw a fit, I called her bluff, and she got over it. I don't do the whole childish fit throwing, and I don't coddle my own kids, much less an adult. 
      I would find out if they really canceled the RD, and plan my own. While I would not go as far to not invite them, I would not count on them. 
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  • NotARegAENotARegAE
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:7dbb8954-e19b-4d7d-9c19-66f3c0a4fbeb">Re:
    FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL
    advice - they freaked over invites... :  I don't think you did *anything* wrong,
    but I am wondering why you didn't ask them or show them a proof before getting
    the invitations printed.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I really wish I had, but I never thought to because I didn't think what we had chosen was wrong or offensive or would need their approval. The hosts (my parents and their spouses) approved of it, so we proceeded.</div>
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:afe6efcd-3f2a-42e1-b725-c2bca259a756">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am with Edie.  I appreciate that proper etiquette states that the hosts should be the only ones listed on the invites but since so many people are unclear on etiquette, I don't understand why people don't just ask their in laws what they would prefer before going to print.
    Posted by spikeinc[/QUOTE]

    I don't honestly see why they should have to.

    The invitation is not a family tree.
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    I'm married to a middle child of 5 and he always got treated the exact same way.  
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  • cdubs2011cdubs2011
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...:
     
    It is honestly amazing how a wedding brings out the worst in people.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    AMEN to that!!
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  • starrynight84starrynight84 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2012
    I would stand your ground. I would not try to talk to them or smooth things over. You did nothing wrong.  Call their bluff or you're in a for a lifetime of this. 

    ETA: It would have been nice, but not necessary, to check with them beforehand. But you didn't and it's fine. I wouldn't worry about it. 
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:0502816c-6982-40cb-9edd-0711a865d769">Re:
    FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice -they freaked over invites... :  I don't honestly see why they should have to. The invitation is not a family tree.Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    I get what you're saying, but I look at it as a courtesy thing. Even though NotAReg's parents are paying, the ILs are still part of the event because their kid's the groom and it's a nice thing to do to show them what the invitation looks like before it goes to print.

    That being said, NotAReg could've showed them, they could have said it was fine, and then flipped out after they were printed. Sounds like they just like to stir the pot. And I also don't think NotAReg did anything wrong here. I think it's one of those hindsight is 20/20 things and even if you had thought to show it to them, it doesn't mean it would've somehow avoided this problem.</div>
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  • Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    First Comment
    I guess I see the rehearsal dinner as an extension of the wedding and if they're paying for that than they are contributing to the wedding so they should have been listed on the invitation. 

    I'm probably wrong etiquette specifically, but my thought process goes to the fact that they were contributing to your wedding in some way, shape or form financially.  It's like you just told them you don't give a rats a$$ that they're paying for that, that it doesn't mean anything on the "big day". 
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  • NotARegAENotARegAE
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:eca99f05-6e88-4679-90d1-cdb7e257d83e">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : I get what you're saying, but I look at it as a courtesy thing. Even though NotAReg's parents are paying, the ILs are still part of the event because their kid's the groom and it's a nice thing to do to show them what the invitation looks like before it goes to print. That being said, NotAReg could've showed them, they could have said it was fine, and then flipped out after they were printed. <strong>Sounds like they just like to stir the pot.</strong> And I also don't think NotAReg did anything wrong here. I think it's one of those hindsight is 20/20 things and even if you had thought to show it to them, it doesn't mean it would've somehow avoided this problem.
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    FI just got home from work and it came out that his mom is also b!tching because she feels like she's "not been involved in the planning".

    I'm at a loss. She toured every.single.venue with us. She was included in the tasting and in the final menu choices. I brought her along dress shopping for both my wedding dress and to pick out BM dresses. She's met with the DJ, which none of my parents have. She gave my parents a guest list of 78 people, all of which were invited without question.

    There have been only 3 things that I can think of that have been done without her: ordering invitations, meeting with the reverend (FI & I did that alone), and meeting with the florist (who is also serving as DOC & is a close friend of mine and my mom's). I've included her FAR more than her previous son's wife did in any of the planning for their wedding... and this is in light of her comments about us not marrying in a church and not intending to raise our future children Catholic (I've let those comments slide).

    So it appears this was a symptom of a much larger issue that I was unaware of until now. But it does not forgive her behavior or her treatment of her son, IMO.
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  • starrynight84starrynight84 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:6343a219-c629-48cd-be2e-4136ad85dbf2">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I see the rehearsal dinner as an extension of the wedding and if they're paying for that than they are contributing to the wedding so they should have been listed on the invitation.  I'm probably wrong etiquette specifically, but my thought process goes to the fact that they were contributing to your wedding in some way, shape or form financially.  It's like you just told them you don't give a rats a$$ that they're paying for that, that it doesn't mean anything on the "big day". 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree with you and in hindsight, she should have asked what they preferred. After all, it's no skin off her teeth to put their names on the invite. But threatening to not come to the wedding over the invitations seems outrageous to me.

    </div>
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  • Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:79ec77db-bcf3-4363-bfb9-ba96ffce27e2">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : I agree with you and in hindsight, she should have asked what they preferred. After all, it's no skin off her teeth to put their names on the invite. But threatening to not come to the wedding over the invitations seems outrageous to me.
    Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

    I agree that the reaction doesn't fit the situation - but everyone sitting here saying "You did nothing wrong" isn't completely accurate. 
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  • starrynight84starrynight84 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:551034f2-3591-415c-af28-fc3cc8b46900">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : I agree that the reaction doesn't fit the situation - but everyone sitting here saying "You did nothing wrong" isn't completely accurate. 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    <div>Gotcha. </div>
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:978dcde4-6f7c-4bc4-9252-b87065ee3b4b">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : FI just got home from work and it came out that his mom is also b!tching because she feels like she's "not been involved in the planning". I'm at a loss. She toured every.single.venue with us. She was included in the tasting and in the final menu choices. I brought her along dress shopping for both my wedding dress and to pick out BM dresses. She's met with the DJ, which none of my parents have. She gave my parents a guest list of 78 people, all of which were invited without question. There have been only 3 things that I can think of that have been done without her: ordering invitations, meeting with the reverend (FI & I did that alone), and meeting with the florist (who is also serving as DOC & is a close friend of mine and my mom's). I've included her FAR more than her previous son's wife did in any of the planning for their wedding... and this is in light of her comments about us not marrying in a church and not intending to raise our future children Catholic (I've let those comments slide). So it appears this was a symptom of a much larger issue that I was unaware of until now. But it does not forgive her behavior or her treatment of her son, IMO.
    Posted by NotARegAE[/QUOTE]

    She's only bitching about this stuff because she's mad about the invitations. She sounds like a serious drama queen.

    Here's the thing with the RD: To a certain extent I do agree with Stack that by paying for that they do have some hosting duties for the wedding, but that's not the way it has always been traditionally done -- the parents of the groom hosted the RD (and put only their names on it) and the parents of the bride hosted the wedding (and put only their names on that) -- I have a hard time getting pissy with someone for doing the traditonal, etiquette-accepted way of doing things.
    Lizzie
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  • runpipparunrunpipparun member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:0502816c-6982-40cb-9edd-0711a865d769">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites... : I don't honestly see why they should have to. The invitation is not a family tree.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>An etiquette book I just read (Something New: "Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone in Between") put it nicely also: "Invitations are not film credits." People just want to know where and when the wedding is. They aren't pouring over the thing trying to figure out who is who, who was married to whom and is now remarried to somebody else, and who all contributed substantial sums. It's just a disposable piece of paper that tells them where and when to show up.

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  • runpipparunrunpipparun member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fil-advice-they-freaked-over-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fbea4b6-5b55-4fe4-98eb-927bb3ff5535Post:6343a219-c629-48cd-be2e-4136ad85dbf2">Re: FIL advice - they freaked over invites...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I see the rehearsal dinner as an extension of the wedding and if they're paying for that than they are contributing to the wedding so they should have been listed on the invitation.  I'm probably wrong etiquette specifically, but my thought process goes to the fact that they were contributing to your wedding in some way, shape or form financially.  It's like you just told them you don't give a rats a$$ that they're paying for that, that it doesn't mean anything on the "big day". 
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Don't they send out separate invitations for the rehearsal dinner? I believe so, in which case their names would go on those, and not the bride's parents, who are not contributing, and are instead GUESTS of the groom's parents. The wedding ceremony and reception, paid for by the bride's parents, are what the wedding invitations refer to. The groom's parents are then guests of the bride's parents, not hosts.

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