My Officiant Wants To Bring A Date/His Kids

afloggie · May 2010

So I went to meet with a possible wedding officiant (off Craigslist) He only charges $50 so I thought it would be great. Met him and he seemed very nice, very polite, everything was good...until at the end of the meeting he asked me if he could bring a date to the wedding/reception. I told him fine just because I didn't know what to say, then he asked if he could bring his twin 3 yr old daughters. Um huh?? Is that normal to let the officiant bring a date and kids? So basically I would pay him to do the ceremony and then pay for him, his date and 2 girls to eat at my reception. I am on a tight budget and there are friends that we are not even inviting. What to do??

caseyandlizzie · May 2010

I understand him wanting to bring a date, but his kids too?! That just seems really weird to me. Just explain to him that you are on a tight budget and would be okay with him bringing 1 person, but because of space limitations at your venue, you cannot have any extra people (his kids)

itsria · May 2010

That sounds way weird to me. Maybe if he were married and asked to bring his wife that would be acceptable but a date and the kids? No way!

I would tell him what the PP post said. I honestly can not even believe he would ask such a question.

ninjette04 · May 2010

I agree with pp. I would just explain that budget/space does not allow him to bring all of these ppl. I think that's uber wierd, and not very professional to want to bring your kids to a job like that...

CincyBride29 · May 2010

Oops I hit the wrong button. I think he should be allowed to bring a date (we invited both our officiants with their spouse or a date) but the kids thing is weird! I would not be ok with that.

ceastlick · May 2010

how about a different officiant? i'd be happy to step in.

tb583 · May 2010

I said to let him bring a date. I think it is pretty normal to invite the officiant with a spouse/date, but the kids thing is just weird.

HSchall · May 2010

I may be in the minority here but I think that an officiant is like any other vendor---he or she is providing a service for you. That is, assuming the officiant is not a family friend or minister. With respect to a justice of the peace or other officiant, you are hiring them, they are not a guest at your wedding. I think that even asking them to stay for the reception is extending yourself beyond what you even need to do. I don't think you should feel compelled to invite your officiant and a date to your wedding anymore than you would feel compelled to invite your florist and a date to your wedding. Certainly not his kids!

mahoganieyes · May 2010

The kids? Ummm NO!

mrs.dilligaf · May 2010

Ours brought his kids to the rehearsal dinner, which was fine by us (he's a friend of my ILs). He and his wife were invited to the reception (sans kiddos), but one of the kids ended up getting sick and she stayed home.

For a relative stranger to ask if he can bring his kids, well, that sets off warning bells. Honestly, a date I can understand. He's not going to know anyone there, so it would be good for him to have someone to talk to. The kids are just a little much.

afloggie · May 2010

Thanks everyone just wanted to get some input

mschneid02 · May 2010

um, wait - are we supposed to send an invite to our rabbi & his wife? or is it just assumed that he can stay for dinner???

hsnodgra · May 2010

Weird! I think it is a nice touch to invite the officiant & guest/spouse to your reception... but I would not invite the kids! And I think the key word in what I just said is INVITE... for him to just assume he was invited, and then actually ask if he could bring the date/kids seems pretty darn rude! I'd really consider finding someone else.

rschuckman · May 2010

Etiquette says you should invite your officiant, priest, reverend, etc. (you also extend the invitation if they are married - or have a significant other) to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding reception. 9/10 though, they will decline. Unless you have some sort of close bond or history with your officiant, they usually decline. Your guy clearly wants to come to the reception. I voted that you should extend the invitation to his g/f or whoever she is, but his kids, um NO!!! He probably just doesn't want to hire a babysitter! Make it clear to him that he is invited, as is his date, but his twin girls are not. Graciously say you already have a full guest list and your budget will not allow you to invite a lot of children.

In my honest opinion, this guy is not professional. You may want to consider looking for another officiant. Sure, he is cheap, $50, but you will be spending money on him and his date at the reception, as opposed to a professional officiant, who won't come to your reception. You'd just be hiring him to do your cememony. In the long run, it might be better to spend a little bit more money on a professional officiant.

mahoganieyes · May 2010

I agree with rschuckman!

afloggie · May 2010

I have actually already sent out an email to 2 other officiants. I was really put off by him asking to bring a date and assuming he was invited to the reception, especially since he knows we are on a strict budget

marywillmarry · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_officiant-wants-bring-datehis-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:77523a7a-c1f6-41f2-94f5-e3e7ab49d60ePost:fb144beb-3b39-43dc-8496-8dbd2fe97054">Re: My Officiant Wants To Bring A Date/His Kids</a>:

I totally agree! Our minister is a friend of ours so of course he is staying for the reception and bringing a date. If I were hiring someone there is no way I would even invite them to the reception, let alone let them bring a date and kids. I don't want anyone at my wedding that I don't know or that my guests don't know - I think that would just make it awkward for my other guests.

I would be wary of hiring anyone through Craigslist in the first place. Did you ask the venue you're holding the ceremony at for reccos on officiants? They can usually help.

[QUOTE]I may be in the minority here but I think that an officiant is like any other vendor---he or she is providing a service for you. That is, assuming the officiant is not a family friend or minister. With respect to a justice of the peace or other officiant, you are hiring them, they are not a guest at your wedding. I think that even asking them to stay for the reception is extending yourself beyond what you even need to do. I don't think you should feel compelled to invite your officiant and a date to your wedding anymore than you would feel compelled to invite your florist and a date to your wedding. Certainly not his kids!
Posted by HSchall[/QUOTE]

econner42 · May 2010

It sounds like he's trying to get a free meal for the whole family!!!

This is really weird and I would not only be taken back by it, but very offended. The purpose of your wedding is not to feed the hungry!

mjc468 · May 2010

I had a deacon marry us, who we didn't know nor my parents; so we didnt' even invite him to the reception..ha. I could see if he wanted to bring his wife (if you knew the guy well) but def not the kids. The purpose of having him officiant is not for you to pay for his family and him to get a free meal out of the deal, because i'd imagine that already spending more than $50 you paid him for ceremony.

allis0nmarie · May 2010

I'd just avoid the awkward convo of telling him his kids aren't allowed and hire someone else!

HyperChicaPR · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_officiant-wants-bring-datehis-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:77523a7a-c1f6-41f2-94f5-e3e7ab49d60ePost:8041e4f2-a267-44a3-9366-9c488ea11287">Re: My Officiant Wants To Bring A Date/His Kids</a>:
[QUOTE] I would be wary of hiring anyone through Craigslist in the first place. Did you ask the venue you're holding the ceremony at for reccos on officiants? They can usually help.
Posted by marywillmarry[/QUOTE]
I have hired quite a few vendors off craigslist, some of whom I have already worked with and I've had great success! Craigslist doesn't always mean shady. It just means you have to check them out thoroughly. In this case, he didn't check out so well

shaypb · June 2010

So he's doing the ceremony for $50 but he's scarfing up an additional $280 worth of food for all of them? OHN! You really, really need to look into hiring another officiant. Ours doesn't even stay for the reception - she's very up front about that. Even if he did come from Craigslist, your guy's no bargain.

afloggie · June 2010

I even met my FI on Craigslist lol

glassslippergirl · June 2010

Generally hired officiants do not even come to the reception because it is awkward. You have no relationship with this person other than as an employee of your day. A minister, rabbi, pastor, famiily friend YES...but a hired person...doesn't usually stay. (not to mention the spouse and kids!)
If you do hire him, spouse yes...kids..no way!

:-)

jmr0101 · June 2010

They are working for you that day and should ask for no more then their fee. Anything more that YOU offer them is above and beyond and should be appreciated.

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