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  • Re: The BIG question, how to politely put Adults only

    I would leave out everything you have planned for the website. The most I would do is on the accommodations or logistics pages is put a sentence along the lines of "If you're looking for a local babysitter, please let us  know if you'd like any recommendations", assuming of course you have some recommendations beyond the internet.  
  • Re: Adressing invites/STD help!!

    CMGragain said:
    Though I am aware that many people are uncomfortable with the traditional a sexist/patriarchal way to address, I think that a wedding is a time to be traditional sexist and patriarchal, unless you know for certain that someone prefers something else.
    Here are the two correct address forms:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
    Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

    Mrs. Jane Doe is only used for divorced ladies, and I personally prefer the Ms. Jane Doe style for this.  Widows are Mrs. John Doe in honor of their deceased husband (if they prefer it), but Ms. Jane Doe can also be used.  I had a widow correct my modern egalitarian address to the traditional sexist/patriarchal form on her RSVP, so you never know.
    FTFY. Can we call a spade a spade here? This tradition exists due to women being property and men being heads of household/the only person worthy of having their name used.

    I don't think there's a "time to be traditional" if it means being sexist and patriarchal. If you know that a woman prefers to be addressed in a sexist and patriarchal way, then go ahead and do that. But the DEFAULT should be egalitarian and inclusive:

    Mr. and Ms. John and Jane Doe
    Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

    Did you know that the first option is frowned on because "a man cannot be separated from his last name"? But making a woman "wife of John Doe" (aka Mrs. John Doe) is totally fine, right? /sarcasm  I'm putting that first option out there because, if we're going to address people in an egalitarian way, this should be a perfectly acceptable way to address a married unit sharing a last name. 
    Exactly, there are a lot of things that were "traditional" to do that we no longer do because they are sexist/patriarchal or otherwise demeaning to certain groups. The "traditional" form of married people's titles is something that won't stop until people choose to stop it--things don't just happen, people make them happen. Lots of people are choosing to stop this "tradition" because it is so sexist/patriarchal but not everyone is on board yet. 
  • Re: Average cost for alterations

    I had the dress hemmed, a bustle added, and the bust fitted better and a bra sewn in. There was no sizing adjustments other than the bust fitting. My total was between $500 and $600. So I think $1000 is a good bet if you need the size taken in, too. 
  • Re: Out of hand miscommunication

    The inciting event, your niece's mother (FG A's mother) telling you that she was going to bring her own meal for the kid to your wedding because she didn't find what you were serving to be acceptable is the rude event here! To be clear, it is totally fine for her to bring extra food/snacks for the kid. If she's a really picky eater, I assume she's used to doing that any any event. But that has nothing to do with you, and what you're planning to serve. I

    I would have taken your phone call re: FG B very rudely also. I would have interpreted it as you saying "I assume what we're serving isn't acceptable to you, but I don't care. You should bring something else, since you're such a pain in the ass and clearly would throw a fit if you didn't have exactly what you wanted". Now, obviously that's not what you meant! Your heart was in the right place, but it came across wrong. I absolutely think you need to apologize and explain what you really meant. 

  • Re: Gifts shipped not brought??

    rigs32 said:
    16 years ago, I got married in my hometown.  One thousand miles from where I lived and planned to stay.  We flew to and from the wedding.

    Friends gifted me a large (6 feet tall) wall clock.  It was engraved, so could not be returned.  It was not packaged for shipping and brought to the reception.  It was also not my taste.  Had I lived where I got married, I would have hung it up.  I was quite poor at the time and was not going to pay to have it packed and shipped - would have been at least $50, if not $100, back then.

    I've always felt bad that their money and effort went to waste, and I wrote a thank you note, but I don't think I was rude for not spending money I didn't really have to try and bring that home with me.  I've always been very conscious of what I've gifted for events and holidays ever since.  
    Can even the "pro-boxed-gift-to-reception" people agree that this was not a good choice?

    If so, that means there's a line somewhere where the thoughtfulness of the gift is outweighed by the inconvenience of the receiver having to transport it.