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I would wear a pair of shorts, to make SURE there's no panty lines. Especially something where the waist comes up to about the belt-line of the dress, so there's no chance of showing any lines. They don't need to be "shapewear". My favorite is Jockey brand "skimmies": https://www.jockey.com/catalog?department=women&category=underwear&style=slipshort. They're not shapewhear, they don't hold anything in, they just smooth it out so there's no lines. They sell similar things at any department store, and even Target, Kohl's, etc.
Both my mom and my MIL were like this. My compromise was to go shopping with them.
My mom wanted to coordinate with the wedding colors and also VERY strongly didn't want to wear the same color she wore to my brother's wedding (navy), or black, or beige, or red, or white/ivory, or any pastels that would make her look like an "old lady". The only two colors left were essentially deep green and deep purple...we ended up shopping for her at Alfred Angelo (closed now, boo!) because they had a selection that you could pick the dress then pick the color similar to a bridesmaids' dress (unfortunately David's Bridal doesn't have many options that aren't very old/maternal-looking or very bridesmaid-looking where you can pick the color).
We had a pretty formal wedding, and "formal" for my mother in law seemed to mean she'd wear khakis with her turtleneck, sweater, and sneakers instead of jeans...but she really wanted to dress "appropriately" for the wedding so loved that my mom and I were willing to go shopping with her. She got to the store first and was looking in the "casual dresses" section, somehow it never even crossed her mind to look at the dressy dresses section! We steered her in the right direction, and she ended up with a 3-piece outfit: a knee-length black skirt, and a top/sweater type of combo in a nice almost-shimmery beige and black print (that was so subtle it almost was a solid). She looked great and you could see she felt confident and like she "fit in" at the wedding.
Most people assign tables, not individual seats, is that what you're doing? If so, I'd separate the tasks.
First, assign people to a table. I did this in Excel, and made a column for each table (just by number, I think I had tables 1-17 or so). I had the guest list already in Excel for invites and stuff, and I first just gave everyone a category: bride's family; bride's college friends; groom's college friends, etc. It was really easy to just sort people to 7-9 people per table (that was what we were aiming for with our table sizes). A couple places we ended up with like 10-12 people in a category, so we had to figure out how to split them, and who to join them with. Like, a table with a few of groom's high school friends and a few of groom's college friends made more sense than groom's high school friends with bride's family! Same thing with the few couples we had that didn't fit into a group--we just placed them with people that made some sort of sense.
Once that's done, then deal with the table layout--I had a rough drawing of the room that I had done with the wedding coordinator, but easy enough to do it yourself. You can figure out with "table" goes where...like, if "Table 9" is your elderly relatives, you pick a table away from the speakers and label it Table 9 on the drawing, etc. I put the table we were at in the middle of the room, and made sure both parent's tables were equidistant from us in case anyone got petty.
knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:The bottom line is that everyone who has ever had a wedding, has, by necessity, made decisions about how that would go. We are no different in that regard.
Because the decisions that my fiancee and I have made preclude a lot of the usual trappings of the current US wedding trends, we have had push back from our families. As we are financing this 100% without assistance, we are in no position where we need to change our decision making. I had asked for advice on how to politely say this to those who feel the need to push for whatever their idea of a wedding is/should be. Some people gave helpful suggestions. Which I appreciate.
Others started on a path of "I wouldn't attend this because I feel this piece is the most important TO ME." And I am sure that that is how the posters honestly feel. Trouble is, to my mind, a very foreign sentiment. As someone who admittedly does not enjoy attending weddings, I have bitten the proverbial bullet and gone to quite a few out of affection for the couple. I would never in my wildest dreams look at an invitation and say "not worth my time. What is fun for ME is when they throw the bouquet and this one is not going to have that." or "Not worth my time. I haven't been invited to the rehearsal dinner and I think I deserve to be. So no, not coming" or "Catholic church? No way am I going to that one" or "No open bar? How cheap are these people? No, not coming." This smacks of entitlement.
A wedding can basically be anything the people getting married want it to. And the invited guests can choose to show up or not. But heavens to Betsy, there are some very strong opinions about what those who are hosting and paying should be doing lest they incite the disapproval of their guests. Which is EXACTLY what I said in the first place. Those who choose to attend should be treated with courtesy and kindness, yes. But those who don't, or threaten not to, or criticize, because of some severe boundary around what makes an event worthy of their presence really need to take a hard look in the mirror.
You can argue all you want about which of the traditional or non-traditional trappings of a wedding reception or a party are worth traveling for or not, but if you're talking about a WEDDING you're talking about the specific ceremony where two people enter single and leave married.
If you want the groomsmen's ties and pocket squares to match her dress, let her get her dress first and then find ties and pocket squares that are the same color. Problem solved!