MobKaz member


Chicago suburbs
Last Active
  • Re: What to do with my engagement ring?

    CMGragain said:
    I guess I should just accept that attaching emotional value to physical things is not rational.  I can't really replace the heirloom ring that Grandad sold without permission.  A diamond is a diamond, and daughter is getting a very large collection of them.  I  might give some of them to her now if she agrees to immediately buy a safe for her home.

    I grew up poor.  I worked in the fine jewelry/diamond industry before I was married, and I invested in some nice pieces, very cheaply.  Our financial situation gradually changed, and I used my knowledge to acquire some unusual jewelry over the years.  Jewelry always fits - clothes don't.

    When Mom died in 2013, her apartment was shockingly stuffed with clothes, shoes, costume jewelry and department store handbags.  Not my style or size.  Four truckloads went to Goodwill.  I don't want my family to look at my stuff and wonder what to do with it.  Clothes -Goodwill or Salvation Army.  Good jewelry (anything daughter or FDIL? wants) they take.  Hermes scarf collection - daughter wants.  Sentimental memorabilia -whoever.  DH can sell the rest on Ebay if he wants.  It doesn't matter.

    I will trust DH's family heirlooms (230 year old silver spoons, cut glass from the 1800's, 200 year old hymnals and family Bibles) to daughter.  She is in the DAR, and she gets why they are important.

    Thanks for you good advice, everybody.  You have given me perspective.  Dammit, nobody wants my Wedgwood china or modern French crystal goblets!  I do think daughter and my sister may fight over my new Dooney handbag. :)
    I think it is rational, but the attachment is not necessarily to the items of value. 

    I have a cabinet filled with my mom's Limoges china and Waterford crystal.  Even I stopped bringing it out for holidays because it is such a PITA to clean and store after usage.  The silver has not been used in decades, save for a few serving pieces.  I have a bag filled with silver spoons as well.  All have been appraised.  No one wants any of the stuff, and yet it feels awkward to sell it.  I keep telling myself I should sell it all and use it for a big family vacation or something.

    When my siblings and I sorted through my folks items, we took things we liked and/or wanted.  Only after donating things did we find an appraisal booklet.  It listed SEVERAL expensive items that ended up at Goodwill.  We had no attachment to them prior to knowing their value; and it really didn't matter once we did. 

    My mom passed 21 years ago.  I still have a magnet on my refrigerator that used to cling to hers.  It has ZERO monetary value, but makes me smile whenever I notice it.  I have several other items that serve as a reminder of them, or an event, or a simple memory.  The value is me.

    Many millenials, my two included, have no interest in these things.  Neither have a china cabinet.  They don't want the hassle of storing the items.  Most are not dishwasher safe, and therefore a time consuming hassle to clean. 

    I get it.  I have a whole lot of purging to do myself.  Sigh.
  • Re: Heartbroken

    OWK, I am so sorry.  Things are very raw for you right now.  You should not feel guilty or responsible.  If I recall, you tried to lay some blame on yourself when your initial plans changed.  You cannot always get inside the head or heart of a SO.  You need a few days to absorb this shock.

    Are either of you still in counseling? 

    Your SO sounds like it might be the actual legal commitment that triggers her.  Would you be willing to remain a couple without that? 

    I wish I could say something hopeful to you.  We are complicated beings.  It makes no sense to avoid or deny love because we fear being hurt, but that's exactly the risk we take in every aspect of our life. 

    Take care of yourself.  That is the best way to help yourself as well as your relationship.
  • Re: October baseball, anyone?

    aaaaaaaaah, my Astros did it!!  @MobKaz , nice job by your Cubbies!  They're giving the Nats a good run for their money!  
    They are definitely testing my cardiac health as well!  Thank goodness this game was early enough that I can simmer down before lights out!

    Astros/Cubs for the Series?
  • Re: What to do with my engagement ring?

    Even though none of my mum's jewelry is my style {colour and type}, I am inevitably inheriting everything.

    I am keeping it, but I'm debating on taking some of the rings {she has a lot also} and turning it into a beautiful necklace. Or just holding on to it for sentimental purposes.
    This was my world.  I am a minimalist.  I didn't even want an engagement ring myself.  When my mom spoke with me about her jewelry, I told her I did not have much interest.  I was shocked at her reaction.  My typically stoic mom was very upset that I had no interest in it.

    I am so glad now that I did take it and hang onto it.  For 15 years it did basically sit in jewelry boxes.  However, as my daughter, and then my son, married, I deconstructed much of it.  A jeweler was able to make earrings for my daughter to match her princess cut ring, even though my mom's stones were round.  For my DIL, who loves all things sparkly, big, and colorful, I took a gorgeous pendant and had the stone remade into a ring.  (See picture) They both had cards that, in part, read, "with love from above". My mom had passed long before DIL came into the picture, but I think my son appreciated the gesture just as much.  I think it showed to him just how inclusive we felt toward his bride.  I continue to have new pieces made for significant events for my goddaughter, and eventually, my granddaughter. 

    I also love the idea of perhaps refashioning the stone into something for your son.

  • Re: Bridal Entrance Song - Need Help Deciding Which Version to Use

    I really like the cover version.  You chose the song because the lyrics spoke to you, so it makes sense you want the lyrics to be clear to your congregation.

    I am so old :-(  I originally could not fathom why you would want (the song, Aqualung) to play this song at your wedding!  I love it, and it brings back my youth, to be sure, but it is definitely NOT ceremony material.