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banana468 said:Not having a registry is perfectly fine. But keep in mind that as PPs said, you may wind up with boxed gifts or stuff that's not cohesive. That's all fine and dandy if you're cool with it. Just be prepared that you may get knives, blenders, food processors, cookware and a BOATLOAD of picture frames and blankets.
If anyone wants to throw you a shower, you don't need a registry to have one but I'd say it makes it helpful. Again, without one you'd wind up with a lot of mismatched stuff which can be fine but this is a great opportunity to think about what you and your FI want in your home as a married couple.
A solution for you may be to create a small registry with a few items (say 10 items at different price points- towels, bedding, kitchen wares- utensils, cutlery, small gadgets, towels, or small appliances) and only share the registry with people who specifically ask about it. There are some guests who only give boxed gifts, and usually they will ask if you have a registry if they are interested in buying off of it.
Otherwise you don't say anything about it, and if anyone asks you say, "No we are not registered anywhere but thanks for thinking of us! We look forward to seeing you at the wedding!".
If you have been very clear with your invitation, and made sure to clear up any assumptions prior, and you think he'll still show up, then you need to be prepared by having some sort of security on hand, or talk to the venue staff and see if they have someone who would be willing to ask people to leave. I would not expect someone like a server/ bartender/ etc to do this, and the venue may tell you to call the police if there is an issue, so consider hiring a security guard or two who could also act as seating guides. Not to physically seat guests, but referring to a seating chart at the front door, "Hello Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe, you are seated at table 6. Mr. Joe Doe? You are not listed on the seating chart, you'll have to leave". And then they can deal with that accordingly.
I agree that what you have written on your website sounds condescending. I would leave it out, unless you have a specific recommendation on a particular sitter.
Otherwise, it's like, "duh! If you are bringing your kids you need a sitter!". Same with "there are lots of family fun things to do before hand that will tucker the little ones out!". That is confusing because it sounds like you are hosting activities for the guests that includes children who are then not invited to the wedding after- that would be rude. If you aren't hosting anything but are implying the parents can find fun things to do in the city, well duh, of course they can, they can do that anywhere. And who are you to say what and when is going to tire a kid out? Is an 11 year old going to get tired out by site seeing? And when will the parents have time to do these things if they are traveling and getting ready for the wedding?
As to the above- I know that is not what you were intending, but the more you try to add apologies, suggestions, and solutions, the "worse" it sounds. Own your decision to not invite anyone under the age of 18, and be direct when you need to be.
By addressing the STDs and invitations appropriately, and including the X seats reserved for you, you have really done all you can. I agree that a spreading things casually by word of mouth via a gossipy relative is the only other thing you could do.
Completely fine to host an adults only event.
I understand why you feel upset. You planned something for so long, had such great expectations, and then it didn't happen. I'm like that. I'm super indecisive but once I decide on something, that's IT, so if that happens to change, it takes me awhile to adjust. It's OK to be upset, I think what is important though is that you realize the difference- OK to be upset something didn't work out like you planned, but you realize the important stuff happened!
You pictures are gorgeous! And you look gorgeous! I looooove that staircase. Yes, you have to realize that for those of us on the other side of the Atlantic, that getting married just about anywhere in Paris is incroyable!
Good idea on planning an anniversary party at your preferred location, and taking some more photos in your wedding attire at a preferred location.
I didn't get to wear the wedding dress I had picked on our wedding day (shipping disaster). I held up hope that it would arrive last minute- you know, like in the movies , but when I got the final call that, "sorry, we can't find your dress", I definitely had a sob. But then I turned to problem-solving mode (with the help of my friends and family) and borrowed a dress. I was very touched by how kind many people, even those I didn't know well, were. So many people offered to let me borrow their own dress or ask so-and-so about theirs. I ended up wearing my step-step sister's wedding dress (she and I had not met yet). It fit me near perfect, it was a great day, I received a lot of compliments on the dress. But, several months later, I wondered what to do about this other dress sitting in my closet, so DH and I hired a photographer and put our attire on again (I got my hair and make up done again- so fun!) and did a 2hr photo shoot. I love the photos from our wedding and our "fun day".
We went on our honeymoon 9 months after we got married. We didn't really make a big deal about it being our HM, more thought of it as an awesome trip. But when DH made reservations at a fancy restaurant and they asked if we were celebrating anything special, he did say yes, our honeymoon. They gave us complimentary dessert!
If I *had* to give an answer, I'd say within the first year of marriage. But you're not affecting anyone else by what you call it, so call it whatever you want. And if a restaurant or wherever asks if you're celebrating anything special, I don't think there is any reason why you can't say, "its our first vacation since we've been married and without the kids!".