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Regardless of what other people may think, your weeding is about you and your fiancé. Not really for the Family.
You have a reception because you want them to celebrate with you. So the point is to celebrate the event. You can do it as you like. There are no rules for anything if you thing about it. So just have fun and enjoy with your love ones a good time.
Use something nice but not that elegant. Make a nice toast and eat some cake.
Like PPs said, it's really unnecessary and it's just gonna cost you more in postage in the end.
Number 3 looks lovely on you! It flatters your shape and the skirt is really unique. Besides, you look radiant in it! I think you have found the one!
Just because is her second wedding in 3 years, does not mean that she cannot have the whole shebang. Nobody should be forced to do anything, and is it very clear that you don’t want to go.
Be creative and invent something to miss it. Break a leg if you have to. But don’t go feeling like that.