ahoywedding member

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  • Re: Sell the clothes on social media and donate the money?

    Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    Birthright is a Catholic run organization in my city. They have billboards (which I've had successfully pulled down) put up and signage everywhere. 

    Personally, I have a couple of free FB sites that have moms that are needy that I give baby/kid stuff to. I would rather do this. 
    They have posts on transit still :\ If I knew I wouldn't get arrested, I would pull them off after learning all this :(
    I called the City and Public Health and explained that the one billboard that they ran was egregiously, scientifically inaccurate and that in a city with 6 hospitals, 2 Universities, and 2 Colleges, could they not make a better showing on major roads? The billboards were taken down within the week. 
    Weird question, what is a pregnancy crisis center? We probably have them, but referred to something else.
    They are nonprofits set up to coerce women out of having an abortion. Supposedly they help women who have an unplanned pregnancy by providing a range of options, but really most are set up to convince women not to have an abortion. 

    Some are more nefarious than others; the worst will advertise and tell women they provide abortions but don't, many will do an ultrasound and lie about how far along a woman is so she will believe she can't have an abortion, others will tell women they provide abortions and schedule multiple appointments over a number a weeks so that a woman who may be close to the state gestational age limit will have to wait for an appointment and then by the time the "procedure" appointment is set it's actually too late for her to have an abortion. Many provide outright lies about risks and complications of abortion. Others promise support throughout the pregnancy and after the baby is born.

    Not all are this bad; some will come right out and say they don't make abortion referrals or give abortion information. 
    Oh, okay. Yeh we have similar ones - Birth Right is one that I see often - but they go through all the options {abortion included} but they're mostly a counseling centre to at least have someone to talk to
    Birth Right is a pro-life organization. Their goal is having women not get abortions. It is not a neutral counseling center. 
    Are they? I know one person who went there and she said they didn't seem pro-lifers
    Birthright is a Catholic run organization in my city. They have billboards (which I've had successfully pulled down) put up and signage everywhere. 

    Personally, I have a couple of free FB sites that have moms that are needy that I give baby/kid stuff to. I would rather do this. 
    They have posts on transit still :\ If I knew I wouldn't get arrested, I would pull them off after learning all this :(
    I called the City and Public Health and explained that the one billboard that they ran was egregiously, scientifically inaccurate and that in a city with 6 hospitals, 2 Universities, and 2 Colleges, could they not make a better showing on major roads? The billboards were taken down within the week. 
    That's awesome they pulled the billboards! I'm thinking I should try that...though it's slightly less likely here in the bible belt :( 
    knottiee98b04e619a81a64
  • Re: Post-Wedding Party for Parents' Friends

    So we were in kind of a similar situation. Our wedding was in NC where we live. My dad's whole family is in WI, and none of them were able to travel for various reasons. I also had some friends from home who weren't able to come because they were either very pregnant or had a newborn. 

    We met up with my friends individually when we went back in the summer, and then had my dad's family over to my parents' house for a cookout. My dad just emailed his siblings and said H & I were going to be home whatever date and that we'd like to have everyone over to meet H and hang out. It was super casual, but still fun and nice for my family to meet my H. 

    That being said, we do always plan to go there for a week every summer, but it sounds like that's not your situation. If you truly don't want to have even a casual party or it would be a significant inconvenience, it may be worth talking to your mom. However, if she's paying for your wedding, this may be one of the strings she chooses to pull so you may need to weigh those options.  
    charlotte989875
  • Re: Sell the clothes on social media and donate the money?

    @charlotte989875 and @levioosa, the info in y'all's posts are making me sad and angry.  I was not aware that such slices of evil existed.  Pushing an organization's political agenda onto women who might be confused, scared, and unsure.  Women who had turned to them for "help" and "information".

    I'm even good with a "Women's Center" that is transparent about their motives and doesn't lie.

    They often don't *seem* awful on the surface. Have you ever seen those bus ads with like a young woman in some kind of flower field and it says something like "Are you worried you might be pregnant? We can help!" in a calm pastel font? They'll usually offer a free pregnancy test, and then a barrage of anti-abortion information. Some of them give free diapers (like one box) or a little bit of free baby things to try to coerce women into keeping the baby, and they pretend like they'll be all supportive after it's born. One of them was notorious a few years back for sending birthday cards with red paint inside (to simulate blood) to women who had visited the center and ended up having an abortion, one year after what would have been their due date.  

    ETA: Also worth noting and rage-inducing: most of the changes the GOP has tried to implement around removing or restricting insurance coverage & funding at Planned Parenthood would keep funding going to these crapholes, or direct more money there. Because of course.
    charlotte989875STARMOON44InLoveInQueenskimmiinthemitten
  • Re: Where to Get Bridesmaid Gifts in Bulk

    What else are you putting in their thank you baskets? It's best to pick out thank you gifts as though you are shopping for their birthday or a holiday, and consider their individual tastes and interests. My 3 BMs got very different gifts, but they all were excited about theirs. 

    I know Pinterest and Instagram make it seem like the matching gifts/robes/whatever are a good idea, and they do make cute pictures. But flip the script and think about what you would appreciate if you were the recipient. There are some people who would totally love a travel mug with their name and "bridesmaid" on it, a matching jewelry bag and matching nail polish or whatever, but most people probably wouldn't. Your friends would probably appreciate it more if you chose items specifically for them.

    I did have one friend who did the whole matching everything in her wedding BUT I feel like it was an exception because she was in a sorority, her wedding colors were her sorority colors (and her husband's frat colors), and all of her BMs were in the same sorority. Everything she and her friends already had was those colors and matched, so that type of BM gift was right up their alley. 
    ernursejcharlotte989875
  • Re: The Un-Wedding Wedding and Family Heartburn

    I agree with most of the PPs. What you have planned is totally within etiquette, and you've covered all of your bases hosting-wise. I also completely understand the desire to not have a super formal or traditional wedding. 

    I would (personally) understand someone's desire to have an intimate ceremony, but do get confused when someone doesn't want guests but then has their family max out the courthouse guest limit. I also don't understand people who don't want to be the center of attention but then have a reception after the ceremony. It kind of seems like "hey come publicly celebrate this moment that I wanted to keep quiet and intimate!"

    Yours isn't a traditional reception, but the focus will still be on you and your (new!) husband. For me the sticking point is if your guests have to travel. As a guest, I would probably not travel for an after party of finger foods, but I would travel for a small, low-key wedding. That part is kind of a know your crowd type thing, and depends on where people live and what's the norm.
    This is devolving. My original question has been nicely answered. But now, there are some ruffled feathers because my choices don't reflect those of other posters. Got it. 

    As for the "maxing out the courthouse" we each happen to have 4 in our immediate family. So who should we exclude? Parents? Siblings? Invite one parent and not the other? It just worked out that way. As I see the ceremony as being a private occasion (and in truth, would have been happy with a single witness or whatever my state requires) I am happy enough to keep it to our immediate families. I have refused to move the wedding to say, a park with an officiant as some have requested because I want it private. I don't want the extended guest list there. Its a personal thing to me and not one that everyone needs to stare at. Clearly others have different ideas and they are entitled to them. 

    Its our guests' choices if they want to draw a line in the sand about what is "good enough" for them to travel for. I never once realized people had strong opinions about how THEY should be hosted as guests at someone else's wedding. Don't want to travel because the food choices aren't to your liking or you are going to miss a short civil wedding service? Up to you, but in my opinion, that seems very immature. Can't travel because you have small kids/don't have the finances/have other obligations. Understandable. Again, the GUESTS don't dictate what the wedding celebration is. They can turn up their noses but it says more about them than it does us. 

    My original question was how to politely shut down people who say :"if you do it this way, I will come" or "I want this done differently." The mind boggles at some of the responses about what is "good enough" for some wedding guests. 


    My feathers aren't ruffled at all, and I did say your plans sounded fine and aren't breaking any etiquette rules, and that I understand why you wanted to do things that way.

    Just pointing out what some of your guests may be thinking. No one will likely say it directly to you (and that would be hella rude of them!). Most people have to make decisions about how they spend their time and money and thus, may decide to prioritize a wedding over an afternoon party. I always wanted a super casual wedding (like, pizza & beer casual). If I had stayed in my home state and most of the guests would have been local-ish, that's how things would have happened. However, I moved a few years ago and we got married in the state we live in now. That meant most of our guests had to travel. We upped the wedding plans quite a bit to accommodate people who were spending their time and money to come celebrate us. Again, if most of your guests live closer to you it's not a problem at all.

    And to the bolded: once you invite guests to an event, you do need to take them into consideration. That doesn't mean bend to their every whim of course, but consider what you're asking from them to come celebrate YOU.
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875ernursejMyNameIsNot