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  • Re: Coffee Service Dilemma

    I do find it funny that you all have been sitting here arguing with nobody for days. As to the food service it is all self serve and again they will only be there for 2 hours, so having them serve the coffee later on in the evening is not an option. The suggestion of having the bartender flip the switch and make the coffee was exactly what I needed as that thought had not occurred to me. I also don't know where everyone got the idea that I was not tipping the bartender. I am tipping him regardless of what he makes in his jar. The jar is there to save me $300 in hourly wages (will he make that, probably not and I don't expect him to, however if he offers a lower hourly wage for setting out a tip jar that may stay empty all night I will take that lower wage, as I said before I have been to weddings and have had no problem tipping the bartender in a jar on the bar, but I guess I'm not high strung like some people). As to the caterer they are only there for 2 hours so to the few who stated they could serve the coffee, that would not work but thank you for the suggestion.
    Again, it is YOUR job to pay your vendors, not your guests.  Letting your bartender put out a jar so your guests can subsidize your wedding costs so you don't have to pay makes you look cheap and rude.   If you can't afford the bartender, then you don't have alcoholic beverages.  Or you find other ways to come up with the money that does not include your guests' wallets.
    I can guarantee ALL of my guests will not take it as cheap or rude. I am not having strangers there or people I barely know, due to money restrictions it is small and intimate as it is. I really don't care what a stranger on some internet forum may think, you are not going to be there so what does it matter to YOU? This post had NOTHING to do with the etiquette of bar service. If that were my question I WOULD have posted it under ETIQUETTE. Thank you.

    My only thought is that if these people really are so close, I don't understand why you would treat them as strangers/ATMs to fund your own wedding.

    I don't really care, but I find it sad when people don't want to treat their nearest and dearest to a great party.

    I'm not asking them to supplement anything nor am I asking them to be atm's. If they do not want to put any money into the bartenders tip jar that is their choice, either way I am still tipping the bartender. I'm not charging admission, not having them pay for their food, drinks, etc...so I am not treating them as an atm or asking them to supplement, I am allowing a bartender a chance at making a little extra money. The last wedding I was at for my now bridesmaid they did the same thing, not one person gave it a second thought and I was more than willing to tip the bartender.

    Except you are. By allowing the bartender to place a tip jar out you are setting te expectation that the bartender needs to be tipped.

    I never carry cash to weddings because I usually go to properly hosted ones that don't require me to open my wallet. That being said, the one time I went to a wedding where there was a tip jar at the bar I felt uncomfortable ordering any drinks. In fact, I stuck to water most of the night as a result. Why? Because I used to work in the service industry and take tipping seriously; so the thought of ordering a drink and then stiffing the bartender because I didn't have cash on me made me feel like a cheap asshole. Don't make your guests feel like cheap assholes whenever they order a drink at your wedding.   

  • Paebaek?

    My fiance and I are doing a paebaek after our ceremony, but we're not sure where to stick it in the timeline. For those who may not be familiar, a paebaek is a traditional Korean ceremony. It's usually only done with the groom's family, but they want us to do it at the wedding. It requires we wear hanboks, so I thought about doing it during the cocktail hour? That way we have time to change our clothes and then if people want to watch it they can, but they don't have to? The wedding, cocktail hour, and reception are all in the same location. I'm not sure where else to fit it. Any advice or recommendations?
  • Re: Good "old" maid of honor!

    myjayray said:
    My SIL has asked me to be her MOH - I'm feeling odd about it.  First of all I'm in my 50's and she has a 26 year old daughter.  I'm really thinking her "adult" daughter should have the honor.  Now some additional background... my niece is living pay-check to pay-check obviously as an "older" person I'm financially better off.  I think my SIL is hoping for all the "trimmings" as a second-time bride that's why she asked me over her daughter.  But I think it's weird to have all that when we're in our 50's!  I thought a "bachelorette" type shower would be fun and low key rather than the crazy big luncheon!  So should I forge ahead as MOH or press the issue that the daughter should take the lead.... Thanks!

    MOHs and bridesmaids don't have roles or responsibilities. It's an honory thing. Your only duty as MOH is to get a dress and stand up next to her at her wedding. If she picked you to host parties then she's in the wrong. You shouldn't feel obligated to host anything; although you can if you want.
  • Re: Family only ceremony and big reception

    Thank you. I totally agree about not saving money by doing this. I guess you would just save my not having to get 150 chairs but i don't really think that is very expensive. I think he was more so coming from wanting to have the ceremony small for sake of intimacy and he doesn't love being in front of a lot of people. Just running thru ideas and decided to throw out some questions.

    She knows 6 - Thanks. Sounds like you know a lot. 

    He's going to be in front of a lot of people at the reception.

    Look, my best friend cose to have a small ceremony with just their parents. Totally understandable and totally their right to do so. I saw pictures and it was beautiful. They assure us all that they plan on throwing a big party next year (hopefully not a PPD). That's nice and all, but guess what? They're already married. They got married and I wasn't invited. A party isn't going to change that, in fact, it sort of feels like a consolation prize. I am dissapointed I didn't get to see my best friend get married but I understand because the whole thing was just the 4 of them. And if they do throw a party, I'll go and be excited and congratulate them.

    That being said, I would definitely be upset if they had chosen to do what you're planning. I can understand a small wedding like my friends had; like I said, I was dissapointed but my feelings weren't hurt. But to invite me to just the reception would make me feel like some second class citizen who wasn't worthy of seeing the actual marriage. Good enough to party with but not important enough to actual witness the marriage. Not cool OP.


  • Re: Tip Jar at Open Bar--An Employee Perspective

    Plus, a lot of guests don't carry cash to weddings. Having worked in the service industry, I'm big on tipping, so if I'm at a wedding and there's a tip jar, I'll feel like a jerk for ordering a drink and not tipping because I don't have cash. It makes me feel shitty and uncomfortable. You shouldn't ever put your guests in that position.