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I would consider our wedding "luxury on a budget". Which is about $50,000 in Washington DC. The flower quotes killed me though, so I ended up hand making all the flowers out of paper. They did come out beautiful and cost about $300 in materials. I think I'm going to sell them afterwards! Except my bouquet, which is very personalized.
We stay on our parent's invites until forever, which is so annoying. Now that I'm married I get my own, but my 29 year-old brother (who lives with my parent's) is still on mom and dad's invite. My silent protest is that I wont give a gift unless I get my very own invite.
What is done is done. While you probably could have gotten them done, we can't fix that.
Only send thank you notes for the gifts. If they got both a shower and wedding gift and it was just that person I think you can combine. I wouldn't combine though if the gifts aren't from the exact same people.
For example: Aunt Sue got me a serving set for my shower. Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue wrote me a $100 check for the wedding. Aunt Sue got a TY card for the serving set. Both Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue got a thank you card for the "generous gift". Write two different notes. However if Aunt Sue was the only giver of the check, I think you can combine.
Another vote for now. Although maybe give it a week to see if there is a second half. I had a few of these, and awkwardly had to write two thank you notes a week apart to the same person.
Ours is tomorrow and we are missing about 40/216. Not terrible. About 15 of them told us verbally one way or another. We did reach out to people that didn't RSVP yet this week to let them know that the hotels rooms in our block are cancelable, but the block rate expires tomorrow (it actually does). We figured this may remind people if they forgot. Our wedding is 3 weeks from Saturday, and we need to give the head count 2 weeks out, so we'll probably start making the calls Tuesday or Wednesday.
I feel ya though. We have been antsy. It was nice getting in enough nos early to let us decide to add a shuttle service between the hotels and the wedding that we couldn't have afforded had we gotten more yeses.