knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 member

I signed up on October 28 and still have the notification that I have to wait 2 days after signing up to post. It is now day 4.


Last Active
  • Re: Proper wording for newspaper engagement announcement

    I'm sure this varies by newspaper, but I know my hometown one will only do an engagement announcement or a marriage announcement.  Not both.

    If an engagement announcement is more important to the two of you, then great.  But if you all want both, check the newspaper's policy on that.

    Oh, thank you! I didn't think of that at all. Having the engagement announcement is more important to me personally because the wedding will be better documented, but I can definitely see that being an issue for some people!
  • Re: I can feel her anxiety jumping off the screen. :(

    nowhere did OP say that she was burdening her gf with this. Of course it would weigh on gf's mind. She has to stay a secret because of the risk of homophobic violence and exclusion from her partner's parents. She's probably wondering about the future, worrying about her relations with her future in-laws, and frustrated with being kept a secret. They reacted badly enough to finding out that she is bisexual. The likelihood is that they are hoping that she will end up with a man. Announcing that she is proposing to a woman would potentially provoke an even more extreme reaction.

    I was fortunate enough not to be in OP's position. I came out to my parents in person to facilitate bringing a partner home for a family occasion that was a few months away. They reacted pretty well, even though they were weird about it for a while. They still refer to my girlfriend as my "friend". In this case, I would absolutely go for just making an announcement on Facebook and ignoring my phone for a little while. There's no need for her to subject herself to their immediate, homophobic, unfiltered reactions.

    I really hope that OP has a close LGBT community whose support she can draw on. So so so many of us have been through this or something similar. I have a close bi friend who knows that he will be disowned and cut off from his family the day that he comes out to them.

    Therapy for the anxiety might be a good idea, but I would not see a straight therapist. In my experience, they have absolutely no idea what they are doing with us. Well meaning, frequently, but clueless.
    It IS important for OP to take stock of her life. Do her parents have control over any of it? Is her car in their name or something? Do they have her important documents, like a passport or birth certificate? If they do, trying to secure these things and complete logistical independence is essential before taking any action.
  • Re: Christian blessing to the 4 directions

    Are you or your future spouse Native American or pagan? If not, I think you need to leave this out so that you are not appropriating something culturally significant to groups you are not part of.
    This. And no actual Christian clergy is going to let you do this because it's a nod to other religions. 
    My friend and her partner are both Christian ministers and I would not be remotely surprised if they included something like this at their wedding, to celebrate their heritage. They've found great ways to combine their faith with their culture.
  • Re: Good morning!

    One of the best books I've ever read on the topic is Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. He quite literally wrote the book on doing therapy with male abusers and it's a fascinating read.
    I'd strongly recommend it to anyone who is interested in what's going on in these dudes' heads.
  • Re: Our windfall makes me feel weird.

    I went through a time in my life when I was so poor that I was only eating peanut butter on rice cakes (still can't look at either of those foods years later) and was considering putting my stuff in storage, leaving my apartment, and going to a shelter. It was incredibly terrifying.
    When I went back to school and had access to student loans and could eat like a person again, it was hard for a while. I simultaneously wanted to eat absolutely everything and felt incredibly guilty about it.  And it was a culture shock being around people who thought the poverty line was 50k/year.

    I really feel for the person in this letter, and I agree that making a budget so she can see that her financial world won't end if she buys some Christmas ornaments.