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@MandyMost Thanks for articulating the difference as we saw it! We had a lot of people reach out and say "we should go get dinner to celebrate" but we decided it would be nicer/more fun/more gracious to have them over for a very casual hang out so we could feed and thank them for their well wishes and for being a part of our lives and squeal about our joy. Thats the guiding underlying thesis of our wedding - while the ceremony is about us were treating the rehearsal dinner/reception/post reception meal for those who are choosing to stay overnight as ways of thanking our community for supporting us over the years! I'm very willing to admit we may have made an etiquette faux pas but it came from what felt like a loving place. Going forward bachelor* paties/showers already have amazing voluntary hosts so we're safe there!
@mariepoppy I'm not well articulating how we came to make that decision (I just had to interject that our loved ones are not crass as I mistakenly made them appear!). We actually have had awesome loved ones volunteer to coordinate future wedding events for us so this won't be an issue going forward and I know where to send well wishes with such questions. Thanks for your good wording, practical advice is so useful for us and anyone else in a similar situation.
Thank you everyone! Thank you notes are on the way (I mean I have stationary but....why skip an excuse for NEW stationary!) And in the meantime my partner and I are drafting the notes together so we can quickly bang them out. Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts!