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I'm going to assume that the bride is joining those three women on their trip to Vegas, but I don't see any reason to assume that that trip is her bachelorette party. Especially since she has already expressed to you her wishes for her bachelorette (i.e., vineyard, AC, larger guest list). Sounds like an unrelated girls' trip to me that happens to fall within the year of her wedding.
If you are typically included with this group when they vacation together then I can see why you'd feel excluded/insulted, but that would be a Friend Issue and not a Wedding Issue.
Re: Bachelorette: The rest of the bridesmaids should either wait for an update from the party-planner or decide as a group to move forward with her plans on their own. They should not be dragging you into it at all. It's really weird that they even brought it up to you.
Re: MOH: I'm confused by the fact that there's an "entire story" you're "paranoid someone [you] know will see" yet when pressed for details you can't think of anything. I would follow pps' advice to reach out to her again with a letter or email (as opposed to a series of texts or messages which can be overwhelming). Let her know you're confused & concerned by her behaviour at the shower, that you love & care for her, and that you want to work things out. Don't mention the bachelorette, don't mention the wedding. If she doesn't not respond and doesn't show up, she will have removed herself from the bridal party. You don't need to do it for her.
Maybe she doesn't plan on making it a spotlight dance but dancing as a group while others are dancing. I don't think that is as bad. Agree it isn't a hill to die on. I have been to weddings where groups had a group dance (one they always do as a group) but others were out on the floor dancing at the same time. No announcing, no spotlight.
There's nothing wrong with sending Save The Dates to some guests and not others, as mentioned above.
I do think there is potential for hurt feelings if you send STDs to everyone else on your guest list, including those who are friends with the "Maybe" people, as the Maybes may find out and take it as a sign you don't plan to invite them. But obviously you know the situation best and can make that call.
A simple way to avoid any issues like that is to not bother with STDs or to only send them to a limited number of guests. E.g., those who'd need to make travel arrangements or VIPs you can't imagine having your wedding without. (For the latter it's best to tell them the dates you're considering before you book anything so they can let you know if they have any existing conflicts). Bonus: less time & money spent by you!
Knottie1451334804 said:Today, she sent me over this email:
Hi,Here is the final balance attached. I have confirmed all costs with the villa, as you are meant to have 50 guests and numbers have dropped we have added the staff meals and child meal in here for you. It says on the contract you should have a minimum of 50 guests. I have attached the breakdown from the villa here for you but still all works out fine.
I sent her this email in May 2016:Hi xyzThis is awesome news, thank you!I am happy to accept the quote, but what happens if we send out the invites but only 40 people are able to come? Will the cost change?
Her response:Hi,Okay perfect! If your guest numbers are less you will only pay for the number of guests attending your wedding, for the reception meals. The villa hire cost will stay the same. Also so you know this villa only uses one music company as they have exclsuive use.
I don't have the invoice of course, but her latest email makes it sound like she upgraded the staff and child meals to make up the difference. You should get to choose what is upgraded.
If your understanding was that they would adjust the cost of the entire event if you didn't meet the 50-guest expectation, I would have had the contract amended to state that before signing it.