mollybarker11 member


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  • Re: Is this a faux pas?

    After thinking about it I think I'm going to ask my mom if she would change the wording of this party to a "Meet the Family" party and invite whoever FMIL wants to invite to basically a shore cookout, and this will make me feel a lot more chill about potential thunder stealing and less embarrassed about our 9 month late engagement party.

    The wording on gifts from uncles and cousins was more like, "Hey are you having an engagement party because if so we'll give you gifts then, if not we'll give you gifts now", so if people use that opportunity to give us gifts since they'll see us, fine, if they decide to forgo the engagement gift altogether, also fine.
    I think this is a great idea! You’re not having the big engagement party his family expects anyway, and I agree it would be odd to have an engagement party so long after your engagement.

    Invite your fiancé’s family to your family’s cookout simply as a chance for everyone to get to know one another. Now that it’s not a Pre-Wedding Event you don’t have to worry about matching the guest lists.

    I dont forsee this being an issue with his cousin. No pressure, no competition. It’s cool.
  • Re: Moved Away

    @minimalisty, it sounds like you just recently found out and are understandably upset that he won’t be able to attend your wedding! Replacing him with another friend is the type of thing someone would do in a state of panic and later regret. You made the right choice in coming here to get unbiased feedback on your idea! You’re questioning it because something in your gut is telling you it’s wrong.

    Go with your gut, which has been backed up by all of us here, and simply I invite this woman as a guest. Do not worry about the numbers of your wedding party. I’m sure your photographer will have worked with plenty of other odd-numbered groups, but you can remind them to downplay any asymmetry if you’re very concerned.

    Your wedding will be beautiful and special even though your bridesman won’t be there. Perhaps you can arrange for a FaceTime/Skype chat with him as you’re getting ready.
  • Re: Invitation Etiquette

    You’re not wrong but I don’t think I could resist responding “Why”. This is such a truly bizarre act. No Girls Allowed?

    If you don’t care to know the rationale behind it I wouldn’t respond to the email at all. Just RSVP “no” when the actual invitation arrives.
  • Re: Bridesmaid Dress Issues- Is Bride Asking too Much

    ericamkohn said:

    Any advice? Is her expecations reasonable/unreasonable? Is my response reasonable/unreasonable? 
    Her expectations of her bridesmaids are unreasonable - she should have asked for your budgets before selecting the dress. (Sounds like your expectations of your bridesmaids were unreasonable too - help & participation aren't required.)

    Your expectations of the bridal shops are unreasonable - unfair as it is, they can only carry a limited number of sizes for clients to try on. PP had great advice about shopping online. I avoid real stores & dressing rooms as much as possible.

    Here's my proposed response:
    "Sister, the dress you have selected is $80 over the highest end of my budget and the alteration costs would be much more expensive than expected. I've found several other purple dresses that are within my budget, for example X one and Y one, but if this specific shade is required I will need you to cover the additional cost."

    She may respond that your dad has already offered to cover the additional cost so this is a non-issue, at which point you'd need to decide if that makes you uncomfortable enough to step down as bridesmaid.

    - Do not bring up her behaviour at your own wedding or her bitchy personality or her expensive tastes or her own wedding budget. Irrelevant.
    - Do not get involved in your nieces' dress issues. Unrelated.
    - Do not go ahead and buy a dress from another line and "make her deal with it." Immature.
  • Re: Invitations and RSVPs

    MandyMost said:
    Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.
    Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules. 
    I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.
    I think she was making the point that some folks might view a hosted bar as another example of showing off how much money you have to throw around, but that shouldn't impact your decision to do so.