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  • Re: Wedding Next year in Ireland

    Plan a small intimate ceremony in your town. If someone not on the guest list assumes they’re invited simply thank them for their well-wishes, tell them you’ve opted to have a small wedding, and change the topic. Eg,

    FB Friend: “Congrats on your engagement, I can’t wait to see the two of you get married!”
    You: “Thanks so much! We’re planning a small intimate wedding sometime next year. How’s little Sally doing? First grade this year, right?”

    Then plan a honeymoon in Ireland. As PPs pointed out, it’ll eliminate so much unnecessary stress! (Planning a local wedding is way easier than planning a international wedding, as you’ve realized. And it makes waaay more sense than planning a local wedding + an international symbolic ceremony.) On one of the days of your honeymoon you can even hire a photographer to do a newlywed shoot in a scenic Irish location.

    Please do not let anyone fool you into thinking that “just signing the papers” is the dull boring legal part of a wedding that no one would miss at a symbolic ceremony. Gay couples fought for decades for the right to have MORE than the symbolic ceremonies they were restricted to.
  • Re: The Un-Wedding Wedding and Family Heartburn

    I really don’t understand the fuss here. OP it sounds like you’re planning a perfectly lovely intimate ceremony and slightly larger reception. A few of your guests are miffed that you’re not having a more contemporary or religious event.

    Some posters noted that they personally wouldn’t travel for a reception if not invited to the ceremony, as another potential issue to consider. You said this is not an issue that you anticipate, so what’s the big deal?

    Again, your plans are great, PPs just wanted to give you a heads up about another complaint you may run into. Now you’re prepared if it happens to come up and won’t react with such shock irl.
  • Re: Difficult MOH...what to do??

    You didn't do anything wrong by scheduling your dress fitting appointment the same day as her birthday, but including (and carpooling with) your entire bridal party in that errand was a bad move on your part. It prevented you from getting together to celebrate later as you'd hoped. Own up to your mistake and apologize. I think it'll go a long way in smoothing things over.

    Going forward try to not read malice into every text you get. Her "You're welcome, yay" was in no way a curt response to your "Thank you" message. By getting worked up over nothing you turn what could be short polite exchanges into arguments.
  • Re: XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

    Registries are not common in my area, none of the many bridal and baby showers I've attended had registries, registries are not required.
    walgrrl said:

    She seems adamant about no registry.  So if she forgoes the registry, what are my options?  It seems they're going ahead with the shower with or without me and I really don't want to let the bride down.  Is there any less rude way of doing this?  Maybe we can send invitations out with no registry info, no mention of cash or gifts at all, and then if people ask we can tell them, "Oh, Bride has not actually registered, but she is saving up for a honeymoon!"  Something along those lines maybe?  Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated!  I really want to make everyone happy without being rude to the guests!
    The bolded is exactly what to do for the wedding. Showers, on the other hand, are for physical gifts only so this nudge toward money is not applicable. No one wants to sit around watching the bride count cash or... whatever you do to accept contributions to a (barf) honeymoon registry. Click buttons I guess.

    I suggest steering the bridal party away from a shower and toward a bridal luncheon/tea which is not a gift-giving event and will eliminate all this awkwardness entirely.

    If a shower is absolutely insisted upon, my suggestion is to have it themed in order to give guests a guide and avoid the bride getting random unwanted gifts. One theme I've heard of is "date night" ideas (eg, movie tix + popcorn or a board game or wine + cheese). Another is to have the guests write down a favourite family recipe to share.
  • Re: I understand irrational worry, but I cannot with this LW.

    mrsconn23 said:
    the fact that my husband couldn’t comply with such a simple request is weighing on me.
    What request did the husband not comply to? The crux of the issue (which I had to read twice before comprehending) is that he asked her to "message" him when the guy left, but he was expecting a text to his phone and she sent him an IM to his computer. The letter didn't say that he was also supposed to message her his acknowledgement of her message in an equally timely manner. This is a very simple miscommunication. Husband's a bonehead for divulging to his clearly anxious wife "lol i didn't even notice you hadn't texted me during the potential murder window of time!", but LW needs to recognize she's probably hopped up on hormones and making a mountain out of nothing.